The most confusing relationship of all time
Hello everyone, I posted something like this in the past, yet I figured I'd provide more of an updated version so everyone can get the basis of the situation. I appreciate any support and advise you can give me. I'm sorry for the massive amount of text, but it's the best way I can convey this situation to y'all.
My life hasn't been the best in the past, but someone changed that for me. I met the most wonderful guy and I was able to spend two years of my life with him. He waited until I was 18 to pursue me (he was 23 at the time), and we were completely happy ever since. He truly proved that he wanted to be with me by walking across town to meet with me during the summer to watch the fireworks together (it's an event that my town has every year), and waited for me after my high school graduation to congratulate me. Everything he did made me feel like we'd always be happy with each other, and we were indeed each others "out." This person made me feel at home, and for once in my life I found my companion who truly related to me in more ways than one. His family became my family. We did everything together, to much to the point of planning our future together, right down to where we would move to once we could escape from our insane families. We both were going to transfer to Rutgers, to obtain our bachelors and kick-start our lives together. Everything was going so great. I would see him practically everyday and I would always make him food to give to him while he was at work. I always treated him like he was a king.
One week he didn't speak to me for a few days. His phone wasn't working, and he resorted to emailing me. He started the email by saying "we need to talk." Basically we all know how this sort of thing goes. He told he that he's been thinking about it for awhile, and told me we should see other people. He gave me the excuse of that we had nothing in common, and that he can't see us together in the future. He eventually kept asking to meet with me, and I did. He didn't seem like himself at all, like something was off about him. He was in tears as he told me that he can't see us together in the future, and he didn't make much sense. A few months went by after this. Two painful months. I finally mustered up the courage to go to his home and speak to him. He eventually came outside when he saw me putting the belongings he gave me on his driveway. At this point I was hiding my face. We spoke and he basically stared at me with the same look that he gave me all those months ago. He couldn't stop staring at me, teary-eyed and all. He kept saying he isn't good enough for me, and he's trying to move out of his home because that week he told me he wanted to see other people (through email), his brother got kicked out of his home. Which seems to be a constant pattern. Between his parents and brother, it seemed that he was forced to do this. But of course, he didn't give me much to go by. So after talking to him and seeing that the conversation wasn't going anywhere because we were both emotional, I left. A month went by once again. Long story short, I contacted him to speak with him on the phone about everything. He was in shock to know just how much I cared for him, and wasn't very reassuring regarding everything at home along with his mental state being okay. Basically he gave me a very non-reassuring answer. He told me that he isn't sure where he's moving to, and he's trying to find a job. The moment I finished practically spilling my guts to him, about how worried I was about him, and how important he is to me, he told me he needed time to think about it. A week went by. He kept looking at all my snapchat stories, along with other social media. I'm not sure why. Eventually instead of calling me, he wrote me a completely misspelled and confusing text message. It basically said that he's been thinking about it, and he hasn't changed his answer. He told me he'd call me when he got out of work. It never happened.
Since this isn't face to face and I have no way of seeing any of you in reality, I'll be honest. During this time I've gotten taken advantage of sexually by two different guys, along with multiple creepy men who usually just try to hook up with me, and aren't compatible with me at all. These men claimed to be my friends. They claimed they "cared about my feelings" or "supported me." I don't have much friend support on this one, due to no one really knowing what to tell me. Including my own mother, who's seen me grow up my whole life with constant disappointment of friends and family members (One of them was my best friend (who was practically a sister to me. Who went completely crazy and to this day I feel terrible that she's out there in a psych ward and I couldn't do anything to help her). Most of my friends went towards verbal abuse, that almost made me loose myself completely. I've lost a lot of friends due to this situation because they're either hypocritical, or they just don't understand companionship or relationships even if it bit them on the ass. Update: It's been six months now. I heard from a good friend of mine that he's been unstable and depressed, and he uses snapchat constantly to view my snaps, which he never did before. He either does so during the day, when no one is around, or in the middle of the night. Apparently things are bit different at his home too. More strict, home life is getting worse. I was able to get this information from a good friend of mine, who's been friends with him and his brother for years. I was a part of this friend group as well, before it all went to shit. His brother was mostly the reason why I'm in this situation, due to my guy being constantly manipulated by him (Such as his brother making the plan that he wants to move across the world, or giving up on school to save up for an apartment, even though he was one class away from graduating). My good friend is apparently infatuated with my guys' brother, and apparently she told me the other day that they are now a "thing," despite her having a boyfriend already. It's incredibly fucked to know that his brother who is a part of this, is indulging in happiness of his own.I'm seeing this other guy, it's only been a month with him. He does have his good moments, but he seems self centered and treats me more like a good friend, and has a high sex drive. I told him about being taken advantage of, yet he's still acting the same way. I do have a lot of fun with him. His friends are nice, and it's nice to be out of town for once, away from my friends who don't treat me as well. It's gotten to the point with some of my friends that I can't even speak to them anymore. They're either taking out their anger on me, or turning others against me because they aren't getting their way with me being around anymore. I go to this new guy's house for a bit, and his family welcomes me with open arms. Made me dinner a few times, always thrilled to see me.. Yet I feel all of them take me for granted. But as much as I try to adapt, I can't. I know where I belong.
My family, and friends have gotten to the point that it's old news to them and they don't care anymore. I'm starting to get worse, and the anxiety I'm having from him not being by my side is tough. As you can see, I don't have any support. Rutgers is starting shortly, and I'm doing everything alone. Him and everyone else assume I'm gonna go to this college, and meet someone better. That's not who I am. It's sad because I know what I want. And I'm scared of him in a way. Scared of rejection. So with this person disappearing from my life, it's difficult. I'm coming to you, or in this case, the discussion form, because I have nowhere left to turn. I hope there's still some considerate and understanding people on here. I'm asking all of you: What should I do? It's obvious I adore this person, but I don't know what to think anymore. It seems like he cares still but he has some issues that I'm unaware of, that's he's trying to resolve. I feel that a phone call is too bland, and won't show him how much I care. I was trying to get into some sort of drawing animation, but I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm going to be purchasing a tablet today, but I don't know what programs I would need to do some sort of animation. I wanted it to demonstrate all the good times I had with him, and how I want to fight for him. Where would I even start with that? I hope everything I wrote made sense. x__x
Everything you said makes perfect sense. The only problem is, what you want to do will not accomplish the result you're looking for. I was in your exact situation when I was in college and it was awful. I was so in love with my boyfriend, and he started telling me the same type things yours did. And I admit I went a little nuts. I stalked him, and wouldn't leave him alone. Please trust me on this - it was the WRONG thing to do. The more you try to hold on to him, the further away you will push him, and I speak from experience.
From what you described, he doesn't want to be friends or to get back together with you. For your own sake, I urge you to let him go. No phone calls, no messages, no communication whatsoever. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done, and I admit that I should have done that, but I was not strong enough. Looking back, however,I know I should have just left him alone. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.
That was almost 35 years ago, and I promise you things will get better. I'm now married to a wonderful man. But it took me a LONG time to get over that college boyfriend. I do feel like if I had cut off all contact sooner, I would have gotten over him sooner, but I was not thinking rationally then, and it's way easier said than done.
Good luck to you. You have a lot going for you. You just need to focus on yourself and building your self-esteem.