Am I in love, or am I just used to him?
Hi, my boyfriend and and have been in a relationship for over a course of around 4 years. We started in High school, stayed together for 1 and a half years, and we broke up when I decided to go to college in NY. We went a year without communication then got back together and he came to visit me up there. He lives in Florida. Everything was doing fine and at that point I still felt the way I did about him as I did years ago, completely in love with him. After he left we went another year without speaking and then decided to get back together. During the years we spent apart his mom died, and he ended up going to jail twice. I've tried to be understanding, and I try really hard to let him know that I still love him and the bad choices he's made don't define him. But now he feels different and I don't love him the same way.
He says he loves me more but I don't feel like that's true. The longer we spend together the more problems I see within our relationship. I don't completely trust him, he lies and has lied to me about things I consider important, and just because I don't call him on it I think he feels like its ok because I haven't noticed. He doesn't feel interested in really knowing me. He doesn't understand me and doesn't make an effort to try to, he never asks personal details about me or my life. I'm currently in college pursuing a degree, and he's still doing the same stuff he was doing in high school. He has potential but I'm not sure where the ambition is. He doesn't tell me things when I ask, and I don't feel like I can tell him things because I know he doesn't understand. He's told me so. I want the relationship to work and I want to feel the way I did about him before, but I don't think any of my present feelings are real, they're all based on how I felt before.
Worst of all, he only seems interested in receiving love for himself, not much reciprocation. Sometimes it feels like he thinks I'm with him because I'm too insecure to be with someone else. He's actually said something among those lines to me. I hate to think this way, but I'm by far better looking than him, I could, and have, easily been with someone a lot more attractive, ambitious, successful, and loving. But I can't get over the fact that none of them made me feel the way he did. Again, past tense. I don't mean to say I feel nothing for him. My love just isn't nearly as strong as it once was, and sometimes I question whether it's really love. Last time I went to see him we got a hotel room. I was feeling really depressed that day from personal issues. We hadn't seen each other for a year, so I know he wanted to have sex, we both did. But when I couldn't "perform" he put all the blame on me, doing nothing to console me. He said, yeah there must be something wrong with you. Later, he went on to say he felt like I didn't even like him at all. All because I couldn't have sex? I feel like the one who's unloved and I just need some guidance. I don't know whether its really time to end it for good and potentially regret losing someone I loved more than anyone I ever will, or if it can heal. I'm sorry for the really long entry, any and all advice is appreciated.
This is a high school love; he hasn't grown up, in fact, he's making even bigger mistakes in his life than he did when he was young. He still have that high school mentality.
You go for REALLY long amounts of time, yet you two return to the past when you meet up. You have grown and your little voice in your head is telling you that you have outgrown him. Can you imagine what he's going to be like in 5, 10 years?
Time to let that go . . .
You have mention so many red flags, YOU know this relationship/friendship ran it's course years ago.
He's selfish,rude, dis-honest, inconsiderate/ has nothing to offer.
Don't ignore the obvious, his actions speaks volumes! His words mean nothing!!!! Some people don't grow, don't mature... PLEASE MOVE ON!!!!
You will and can do much better.