Need social advice please
I am having social issues at work with people. To make a long story short, I am separated from my husband since January, living with my friend from childhood, and my job I got in April, a guy liked me and I liked him too and for months he more or less gives me the run around. We never dated. He would talk about me all the time to other people but had trouble talking to me. He also watched my every move, stalked me a couple times on the job. Well I got an opportunity to move to a different department, where it's closer to him but I also do NOT have to directly work with him now. He wouldn't still talk to me and I finally gave up on him and I try to avoid him. I actually started to avoid him after I learned of his stalking habit. Well, thru the rumor mill, he does NOT like me now. But he did at one point. He tells people behind my back that I have too many issues. But the things he DID say to me before, I feel Lead On. Like he played with my heart. It was just a game to him and he knew I was going thru a divorce. NOW one of the guys he talked to about me with, supposedly likes me. but I just do NOT want to go thru what this last guy put me thru emotionally. I don't know if this new guy really likes me or if the other guy put him up to something. Because the two talked about me. From what I heard the new guy told the other guy that he was wrong to treat me the way he was, by not asking me out, yet he didn't want other guys talking to me either. The new guy sort of showed an interest in me, but he also could have been just being friendly. And the new guy doesn't talk to me now just like the other guy was doing. It's like they both wanted some imaginary signal from me. So, NOT wanting to deal with more drama, I've just stayed neutral with this new guy and now both him and other employees think I don't like him. But all I really want is to NOT be an another situation like before. The RIGHT guy for me would just tell me he likes me and just go ahead and ask me out. Not play all these games. I am sad, hurt, confused and lonely.
You need to understand that you are going through divorce and you are in no state to date anyone else at the moment, whether you realize it or not. You need to get over your ex husband completely and move on from that relationship totally before you can be any good for anyone else.
You need friends of both genders who understand your circumstances and who are respective of them. That means that they would communicate and interact with you without any hidden agenda. Yes, you're correct the RIGHT guy will just go ahead and ask you out but you need to have the RIGHT mindset for this to happen. Who cares what these two guys think of you, because now is the time for you to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal. By maintaining your dignity you are being loyal to your personal values and other people will respect you for that rather than you just being lead on and becoming grist for the workplace rumor mill.
Realize that a true friend will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Ask yourself if either of these two guys are capable of this.
May I ask your age?
It's never a good idea to date co-workers. You have learned why. (there may even be a rule about this at your workplace)
Finish up with your divorce. Then spend some time as a single woman until you can figure out exactly what you want.
It sounds like you needed attention after your breakup marriage, but jumped too soon into all the drama at work. It was the wrong place to get it.