Married a year and unhappy
I have a very selfish, lazy husband. We have been married a year and dated for 7 years. He has no will to get things done. All he does is watch TV when he is off of work. He does not make time to spend time with me with the tv off. We don't go on dates. We have sex 2 times a month if I'm lucky. When we do have sex it's all about how he wants to do it. He is very selfish in bed. I'm so lonely and so depressed. When I try and talk to him, all he wants to do is deny everything and argue. I seriously feel stuck. I love him so much but I keep thinking he's going to try and better our relationship. But deep down I know he will not. I Have fantasies about having sex with someone different just so I could feel that connection and lust again. I have a 12 year old daughter which he has been in her life since she was 5. He is like her father since he has been there more than her dad. But even the situation with my daughter is sticky because he does not meet up to what real fathers do. .. In my eyes. We all just moved in with my parents because we both lost our jobs a month before our wedding.. we were 2 days from closing on a house and lost that too.. now we are both working at crappy jobs making crappy money and to top that off my car just got repossessed 2 weeks ago. So pretty much we have hit rock bottom. I feel like I'm stuck because he makes more than I do. His father has alot of money and is going to buy him a car and my car is gone now. I could go on and on. I just need some advice.please help a girl out. In desperate need.
Tell me again why you STAY with a man who treats you like this?
You "love" him? WHAT do you love? Do you feel sorry for him?
Ask for a separation. He can move out and decide what and where you and your daughter fit in to his self-absorbed life.
So he loves me. But WHAT loves me?!
When the going gets tough, the weak dive into the telly. And when a person used to having control suddenly lacks control, he seeks replacement things to control *outside* of his rights and remits (- talking about the bedroom dept).
So you said it yourself, then, didn't you: In "worse" times, he can't cut the mustard and resorts (or is it 'reverts'?) to being a very selfish, lazy person not befitting the label Teammate (deadweight more like).
Where does this attitude of his come from, do you think? Oh, wait - could it be that despite you and his adult male child are MARRIED, i.e. one two-member entity, his father is proposing to buy "HIM" a car?... along with the fact that you've become desensitised to the idea that there even IS such a thing in marriage called 'his' money?
Gosh, and now "you" and "only you" are car-less. Even easier to control and get his own way over, now, eh.
Hmm, I wonder how he'd have taken it if your parents had said YOU could move in but not him? Am betting he wouldn't have liked that rule going BOTH ways.
It's serious ultimatum time, isn't it? Especially when you remember that family law dictates he, being the bigger bread-winner, pay you spousal and child maintenance either in one lump sum or via court-ordered monthly maintenance?