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Depressed spouse won't work...

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Disability advice I'll try to make it as short as possible. 6 months ago my wife has a mental breakdown due to depression and
was hospitalized. It has been very stressful on me and our marriage and I am know it hasn't been fun her her either.

But, I am having problems.

We both make about 50k per year. Or at least, we used to make 50k per year. 1 month before her breakdown
we bought a new house and a new boat. Payments would be find if we were both still working. But,
she is working part time, like 8 hours per weak and making considerably less than what she had been.
Trying to pay bills is very hard and some months we have to borrow into the next which ends up borrowing
into the next. While she was in the hospital not working at all I have to take out my 401K to pay bills.

So, she is too sick, too depressed to work. Fine. BUT, she stays home all day playing an online game.
Something she just got into in the last 2 months. It's not just the game, she has made tons of online
friends (which is fine) but she has been watching YouTube videos and creating chat rooms and
participating in online meetings and has become an Operational Manager to look over others playing
the game. She plays the game 12 + hours a day.

If she is so depressed she cannot work, how is she getting the strength to take on all these
responsibilities in this game?

I'm working 40 hours. I am doing my part. I am stealing from Paul to pay Mary to pay our bills. In the next
month or two we probably won't be able to handle the bills any longer.

I don't get it. Is this just me?

Depressed spouse won't work...

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Have you talked to her Dr. about this? She is burying her depression by delving into another activity. It takes her away from reality. The internet is handy because she doesn't even need to leave the home!

You don't mention her treatment plan. What is it? Group or private therapy?

Get some outside help. This is too much for one spouse to handle.

PS You could also say to cut back and save money, the internet must go.

Depressed spouse won't work...

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Is she trying to 'tell' you [1] to give in and sell this house and boat and [2] that she'd like to say goodbye to the rat-race and instead embark on some web-based job that she could do from home? If so, what reason might she have? Have you and she had kids yet, for example? Might she have realised that 'having it all' basically, for a woman, just means DOING it all, something she's not capable of or isn't prepared to do?

Whose idea was it, initially, to buy both of these aspirational assets anyway - yours or hers? If yours, do you suppose the weight and 'permanence' of those two responsibilities combined could, on top of whatever else, have in any way contributed to her breakdown?

Depressed spouse won't work...

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I need the internet for my job as I am an IT Professional and I need to be able to do things from home when my boss calls me. It's not often but it does happen.

The purchases were initially her idea though I said okay. But, this was before she had her breakdown which had
to do, along with her depression, with substance abuse she was hiding from me.

Yeah, she needs to see a therapist but is resisting. All she is seeing is a psychiatrist that is helping with her meds but nothing as far as therapy. I'll have to get on her again about that.

We have no kids.

Yeah, I have been thinking about setting up a therapist for me. I think now I need to go ahead and be actively trying to find one.

Depressed spouse won't work...

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First sale the boat and house before you lose both due to foreclosure.

Downsize to a 1 bedroom that you can afford on your salary. Explain to her that this is the situation.
Why can't she work more than 8 hours per week?

Thank God you have no kids.

Lay down the law if she is still doing drugs- "NONE"(are you sure she's stop?) Maybe why she works so little hours.

Suggest you both seek counseling.


Depressed spouse won't work...

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Okay, then, so we're talking about more than just depression on its own, we're talking what looks like a bid to wash her hands as much as possible of reality and responsibility, like Susiedqqq mentioned. In which case, agree with her that you should talk to your GP and agree with SkinnyGirl that you should cut your losses asap by selling these two acquisitions that you can now ill afford. Methinks you're going to be in this for the long haul.

There again, saying all of that, for all we know this is her treating the ether world like a stepping stone/baby steps back to normality/full cylindry?... a way to recoup her confidence in herself and her abilities? I guess you won't know until you ask her?

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