my husband and I have not even been married for a year and things are really bad. He used to do drugs socially before we started dating but when we decided to be together he promised he won't do it again and that he had stopped, he has a really bad temper even though he has never hit me or physically abused me.He has once aimed at me as if he wanted to hit me but then he just backed away. When he is in a bad mood he goes around picking a fight with me and when I ignore it he loses it and starts screaming and threatens to commit suicide, his favorite excuse is he is stressed about money, in the last week I found out without him knowing that he is still using drugs, when I confronted him he said to me that he can't handle the financial stress we have, but the only reason we have money issues is because he spent half his salary on the drugs and now he expects me to give him what ever money I have left in the bank so that he can put fuel in and so on. we live with family because we cant afford a place of our own but that was before I knew what he was busy with. he keeps saying that he wants to change and be better but I don't see any change and when I try to help then I become the enemy, emotionally I can't deal with it anymore I am at the point where when he says he is going to kill himself I tell him to make sure his will is in order before he does it, I don't know what to do and its killing me inside, please help
he also sends texts and is on his phone a lot but when we sit next to each other he quickly deletes them or turns the phone away that I can't see, then he quickly responds by saying that he is talking to a friend even though I don't ever ask who it is, he is constantly checking my phone and the only reason I now is a friend keeps saying to me why do I read her texts but not reply yet I never see them and she has shown me on her phone that they were sent, it worries me that he is hiding things and treats me this way.
The guy is having temper tantrums because he can't have his drugs and he takes it out on you. He is rude, self centered and blameful, not to mention that he borders on being physically abusive. It will NOT get better in the future unless he goes into treatment. (Yeah, right)
I think you know what you must do. Gather up your courage and draw the line in the sand: he gets treatment, or you leave.
I'm sorry you must do this. Giving up on my husband's behavior (alcoholic, temper when he could not drink, spending, etc) was very hard. But I survived and found quality love again. He never did change until he fell down a flight of stairs and had a closed head injury. He stopped drinking, but his life is a mess.
"The guy is having temper tantrums because he can't have his drugs and he takes it out on you. He is rude, self centered and blameful, not to mention that he borders on being physically abusive. It will NOT get better in the future unless he goes into treatment. (Yeah, right)
I think you know what you must do. Gather up your courage and draw the line in the sand: he gets treatment, or you leave. "
I confronted him on Friday and said to him that this cannot go on, we are seeking help from a professional, and going to start counseling in the next week, he admits that he has an addiction and asked me and the family to assist him so that he can work through it. He knows that at this stage I do not trust him but he says that he wants to regain my trust, I made sure he understands that it is going to take a very long time and things won't just come right, I told him he needs to fix himself and that I will stand by him but only when he is better can we start to build our relationship again.
Well, that's a fine little speech he made there, but let's see if he can actually follow-through, shall we? More fool him if he doesn't because even I, at this distance, can tell you're deadly serious (no doubt because he's been slowly but surely kicking the love and respect out of you, eh).
I'm sure it won't take as long as you think, though. I think he's basically an immature, cake-and-eat-it, push-push, try-it-on merchant who thinks he can live any damn way he pleases and if his partner doesn't like it, can always employ a 'treat her mean to keep her keen' tactic to keep her (or at least her ego) in the game. I'm talking about the fight-picking and 'suicide threats' and, now, this ridiculous impression he's lately trying (too hard) to paint to suggest that "ooo-er!" another woman is after him. (Yeah...let's NOT expect any acting talent scouts to knock on his door any time soon, eh, LOL.)
Didn't work on you, did it. Backfired right royally. So giant thumbs-up from me to you, and do keep us posted!
PS: Should mention: sometimes it gets worse right before it gets better so don't be surprised if he rachets up that 'treat her mean' campaign with the 'out all night without texting to tell you where he is' tactic.
Not saying he will but it is a classic from that range so - forewarned is forearmed and all that.