Need help : Feeling suicidal
I am 15. Class 10. Feeling alone. Feeling stressed.
I want to choose medical stream next year. And for my admission I need 90% above marks. My parents are expecting 95% from me. I have a few days to work hard and for a girl like it's enough. But...
I don't know what has happened to me; I'm not able to study anymore. I can't concentrate, cant focus. I've tried everything but in vain. I just cant get anything in my head. When i sit with my book open, i am hardly able to focus, but even if i do, i hardly complete one page in a whole day.
I'm so stressed! I am so much unmotivated right now! I tried talking to my parents about it but they dont understand! All they want is 95%! I scored 86% last year without studying enough. But i think this time too, i'll score 85% and my parents are going to taunt me alot then!
I'm so lost! I have tied everything ! I want to work hard! I m just not able to! I dont know why! I am not the same girl anymore!
I'm so lost...
I've cried over this..
I m feeling suicidal please help
Well you’re right to reach out for help. You’re in a private problem in your home, it’s a good thing there are problem websites like this and that you sought and found one.
That’s why I’m on this website. I had an in home, private problem, and did a really bad job in dealing with it.
I thought, are here any websites that can help you in your home, since you can’t get an apt. with a psychologist in five minutes, type of feeling. As a senior citizen who lives alone, I can’t turn to someone and say, “Hey, what do you think I ought to do about this?”
Also, as a senior, my thinking is diminished. I need help.
I looked around on the web and found one that charged for psychologist’s help, and said would you help me with a personal problem?
They couldn’t figure out what that meant. They said, “We can help you with a health problem,” like, maybe, depression, I’ll guess, “but we can’t help you with a personal problem.”
So I looked some more and I found this site. One that can try to help with personal problems. One in which I’m having trouble, RIGHT NOW!!!
So you’re doing the right thing, and at 15, which is a bonus.
You say, “I want to choose medical stream next year.”
So you want to get into the medical field.
However, “for my admission I need 90% above marks.”
But “I scored 86% last year without studying enough. But i think this time too, i'll score 85%”
And if that happends, “my parents are going to taunt me alot then!”
You say, “And for my admission I need 90% above marks. My parents are expecting 95% from me. I have a few days to work hard and for a girl like it's enough. But... “
I have a problem in which a rumor by an enemy neighbor has started about me, about 8 years ago when he started it. I try to figure out the people who do these things, and it helps me deal with the issue.
The guy who started it is like a psycho. He passed the false data to a person who I figured had trauma in childhood, and is taking it out on me, as a male. So that helped me calm myself down for one thing.
So when it got too rough for me on that street, I quit walking my dog on that street for about a month, and without anyone to fight, they moved, after 8 years of fighting nothing, when a 30 second talk would have solved everything.
Then I was still walking my dog on the 2nd street, and sure enough, problems started on that 2nd street. So I had to figure out the problem with the guy on the 2nd street. I looked for any shortcomings and weaknesses to figure out why he was acting like this.
Physically he had a couple of areas that he was lacking in. I’m breaking him down, to determine who I’m dealing with, so I can decide how to respond.
Mentally, emotionally, he had some shortcomings. I’ve known him slightly for 30 years, why is he suddenly acting like this? Has he felt inferior to me in any way and now he’s seizing this opportunity to get back at me and get on the winning side, when he may have felt inferior to me before. Yeah.
So, I know what’s happening. To my satisfaction, and it helps me know how to respond. Do I go charging by his house every day to take up the challenge? Do I let him run me off his street every day? That’s why I need to know who he is. What’s his makeup is, so I’ll better know what to do.
Knowing he’s got these problems, I’ve decided to stay away. Not walk my dog on his street, at least for a while, 2 or 3 weeks? Then decide from there. I have other places I can walk my dog, by putting my mind to it and being positive that I can solve this problem, I can walk my dog in other areas, and I think of where those areas are.
If the teenager Anne Frank and her family, as in “The Diary of Anne Frank” and the ensuing movie about that, can find a place to hide from the German Nazis during World War II for many years, yeah, I can help myself, also. At least try.
So, you might want to try to figure out what’s going on with your parents. Why are they pushing you so hard?
Are they trying to impress friends and relatives by saying you’re going to go to medical school and be the pride of the family? And you’ll have to do all the work, but they’re going to get some glory?
Did they do poorly in school and you’re going to make up for that?
Is your doing well in school going to show how smart they are, ‘cause you’re their daughter?
You have to look hard at them. You’re going to have to try to figure them out. What are they thinking? What is their reasons for this?
Once you break them down, figure out their weaknesses, if they have any. If they don’t have any weaknesses, then you’ll be able to walk into the room and say, “I quit,” and they’ll be able to handle that because they are so strong. Right.
But, you’ll be giving them the chance to demonstrate their strength, and be “understanding” about it all. Right.
But the only other side of the coin is, they aren’t strong. That’s why you break them down. Figure out why they are acting like this. Because, you might think, they want the reflected glory of me graduating from medical school, or whatever else you may think is going on with them.
When you know they are weak, have weaknesses, it makes it easier to walk into the room, and say, “I’m having some concerns about my medical studies.” You’re already know they’re weak, you already know they want you to overly excel for their own benefits, so any, “What?” you’ll be able to understand and explain to them.
“No, you see, I made 86% last year, and I’m the same person, so there’s no way I’m going to break world records this year. So, I’m going to have to re-evaluate my goals in medicine. Get into a program where 86% is OK.”
Let them complain all they want, you already know they aren’t perfect, so you can expect that, but you can say, “You will be the first to know when I make my decision as to what field I want to go into,” and walk out of the room.
You say, “I don't know what has happened to me; I'm not able to study anymore. I can't concentrate, cant focus. I've tried everything but in vain. I just cant get anything in my head. When i sit with my book open, i am hardly able to focus, but even if i do, i hardly complete one page in a whole day.”
Your body and your mind are sending you signals that you’re way over your head, which is a good thing, they’re letting you know you’re about to collapse and is trying to avoid that.
I’ve had 3 nervous breakdowns which shows I wasn’t paying attention to the warning signals. I also wasn’t positive that I could solve problems.
Below is a column I read in the newspaper over 15 years ago, that helped me a lot when trying to solve problems.
Unconsciously, I was negative, and I didn’t know that, since it was in my unconscious.
But this column allowed me to see what was going on, uncon. I was neg. going into a problem, and I couldn’t see it, and that’s what was tripping me up.
This col. helped me see that, and provided a way for me to clear the neg. from my uncon., and go ahead and try to solve the problem.
The first time I had a problem after I had first read this column, I said to myself, “The next time you have a problem, don’t try to solve the problem. Get the column down from the bullitan board and read it. I read to the 4th paragraph and thought of the solution to the problem.
The col. had worked. It had gotten the negative out of my unconscious, and I was able to solve the problem. After that if I was away from the col., and I had a difficult situation, I would say to myself, “Think positive, think positive,” trying to drive the neg. out of my uncon., and only then worry about the problem.
You write, “I'm so stressed! I am so much unmotivated right now! I tried talking to my parents about it but they dont understand! l they want is 95%! I scored 86% last year without studying enough. But i think this time too, i'll score 85%Al and my parents are going to taunt me alot then!”
You add, “I'm so lost! I have tied everything ! I want to work hard! I m just not able to! I dont know why! I am not the same girl anymore! “
Yes, you are the same girl. You’ve just reached your limit. We all have limits. You’re being tested, but in another way. The way of, can I stand up to someone who’s pushing me too much?
“I'm so lost...
“I've cried over this..
“feeling suicidal please help
You don’t have to do something foolish because somebody else is acting foolish. I don’t have to explode and do something foolish because my neighbor is acting like a jerk because of problems he has, and is trying to make me overreact, so he can then say, “Did you hear what he said?” so he can then act like that is the real reason he is upset with me.
So, you don’t have to explode over the unrealistic demands and expectations of parents who are pushing too much so they can get the reflected glory. It’s their problem, not yours. Don’t buy in to their problems.
Here’s the col. On being positive when trying to solve a problem.
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and
attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
“Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”
June 21, 1994
For how long have you been feeling like that?!
I felt exactly the same way you describe you feel when I was 17/18 years old, 10 years ago... And good news for you, was a just a phase :)
You do need help to get over that quickly! A chatroom is not enough... You said you tried to explain to your parents and they don't understand you. Maybe you have someone else older you trust to speak? Like an uncle, older brother/sister, or even a teacher you like. People is interested to help you... Or you can search for a psychologist in your school? Or at the public hospital?
Be strong now cause you are going to be fine again :)
I used to be exactly the same as you when I was in school.
Felt depressed and all.
You are just thinking too much and are stressed which is making it impossible for you to concentrate.
Take a day off...go into the sun and enjoy the day. Imagine you are a doctor already on that beautiful day. Meet few doctors and ask them how they made it.
Ask ur parents to take you to someone who can help. Just show your parents that you are putting efforts to gain marks.
That is enough. No parents will want their children to cry or become depressed for anything in their life. They are just trying to make sure that you are taking things seriously.
They will stop taunting you once they know that you are serious about things.
Even i used to hate my parents in my teenage...i even though of staying in a hostel once i get some job.
But thing changed after i got a job. They are happy that i am settled.
You will be positively motivated to do it. You will know what to do from others experiences.
And then pray for you own success and ask the LORD to help you concentrate.
Im a sure you will be a talented and sweet Doctor one day.
May god bless you <3
TeenGirl, let's explore the worst that could happen if you don't gain the percentage you're after.
You say your parents will, quote, taunt you a lot. Can you give me an example of what that sounds like, please?
if you are saying you can get 85% easily! then don't worry at all .. 85% are nice just try to reach 90%..
I'm a 16 year old girl and know what you are going through. If that helps somewhat I'll say that first of all. But let's focus on the positives because from experience if you only focus on what's wrong you can't move on. Sounds to me like you are a hard worker who has done very well in school and the medical field is not an easy career path. So be proud you've made it this far. I also am having troubles with concentration like you, so let me say that it is only making it worse to worry about grades and percentages. In the end , who cares about a grade? You can fulfill your dream without having to satisfy some standard. You just have to get creative to find out how you are going to do it. And as for your parents, don't let them set your expectations because they are YOUR expectations. Stay calm and breathe. What would be good for you right now is to get outside and get some fresh air or leave the stressful environment you are in right now to do something fun. I think the stress and worry of it all is killing your concentration, so do something fun for yourself. Forget about your problems for a while and allow yourself to calm down and enjoy life before going back to tackle those problems. And like I said, you are in charge, don't let parents opinions sway you and try your best. Do it for you
Nice support and advice, you two! :-)