I just know how things used to be and how we used to talk and spend time with each other. I don't know what went wrong and how I fix it.
If only I had the guts years ago to leave, things may have bean a lot better for me now. Now I am contemplating divorce and I am 50. if nothing else, please seek help with your marriage... It is a 2-way street... Remember that,and you are stronger than you think. I just had to reply to you because I can relate. Make your marriage work if you can, but don't lose yourself in the process like I did.
KARENJEAN comment "Here I am married 27 years and the problems are still there" this could be you 27 years from now. Many woman continue to remain in these relationships still hoping for change that never comes. If you don't take a stand now by standing up for yourself he will continue treating you like his maid, cook, housekeeper.
In the beginning he masked who he really was,the reality is "this is who he is". Now married he no longer has to put on the mask. Nothing went wrong you just didn't see the REAL HIM!! You say you that "Marriage is something you take seriously, and if once committed to it, you don't want to give up" understand these are YOUR wants not his.. If you don't want to feel used, then stop being used.
Stop catering to all his needs, no packing lunches, wash your own clothes leave his, Cook for yourself-, if he complains tell him "you just don't feel like wasting your time catering to his needs. Get his attention- explain what you need to continue in this marriage- either he's in or he's not.
Could he have given that hurtful retort because HE felt hurt that, there he is, busting a gut to bring home the bacon with (let's be honest) TWO fairly full-time jobs and there's you, seemingly sounding unappreciative of his blood, sweat and tears on the family's behalf and additionally didn't quite phrase your complaint as you'd have liked?
He could, you see, just be an emotional thickie, particularly when stressed/over-busy, one who's  got too used to his workplace manner of callous, lad-ish speech whereby he forgets or finds it hard to switch it off, and  allowed himself to become too fixated on the bacon side of things, possibly from having been allowed to fall prey to the illusion that you've always taken reassurances from that side of his endeavours plus getting physical attention every day, about how much he loves and values you? That would especially be true if you've allowed too much time to pass without ever before having said anything or never having really hammered things home to the extent you did this time?
What I'm saying, is: "'I guess I just don't feel like wasting my time'" That sounded too much to me like a deliberate attempt to hurt your feelings for its own sake. Fight talk.
Alternatively, is he just getting cash-greedy? Depends... Question: Do YOU get benefit from that extra income or just him and/or he's just squirrelling it away in his savings account "for our retirement"?
You see, if you/the kids are the reason he's working his round objects off - which fact is undisputed even by you - then I don't think it's strictly fair to start withholding wifely duties. Different if he were an out-of-work layabout/parasite to-boot. But the problem could be that he's crap at apportioning his time and attention and too easily gets 'sucked in' to whatever's on his present plate, to the point of obsessively, meaning, what you heard was guilty conscience in the midst of mental overload (as well as the abovementioned other elements) talking?
Whichever, at this point I tend not to pay too much attention to one-offs, no matter how negative/hurtful, PARTICULARLY during or in the aftermath of a fight. It's REPEAT actions, not least in varying climates, that tell me there's a definite problem (and you can't in all fairness call the next morning - the same time period and climate - a repetition).
I suggest you wait a few days or a week for the mood to have naturally changed/reverted and try again or even wait to see whether given time to reflect over that confrontation and his rotten response/retaliation(?), he experiences befittingly huge, shameful regret thus says or does something to unequivocally show so. If, when you try again, you get the same kind of nasty nonsense, THEN you would have all the evidence you need to issue an ultimatum: 'Either, for our sake or just the kids', we see a counsellor to find out what the problems are - why you would dare speak to me that shoddily on top of having neglected me for so long - or I'm out! Your choice and you've got X days to decide!'.
He may not LIKE that something's got to give and that meantime he'll have to add yet ANOTHER time-commitment to his already full schedule, but, that's his time-management look-out. I presume nothing and nobody is forcing him to work all the hours except for himself? Maybe that'll teach him to spread his attention around better and to remember that MATURE women need love first, fiscal security second, but that neither is mutually exclusive.
Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?