I'm so tired of being married to him!
I've been married for 5 years, together for 7. We have a 10 month old daughter. I didn't want to have kids with him, but birth control pills didn't come through for me. I was tired of him before I got pregnant and should have ended it then. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby, I just feel like I failed her with her father. I am to blame, the writing was on the wall and I didn't pay attention to any of it. I feel like an idiot. There are 2 sides to every story and I know I'm not a perfect wife. But I'm tired. All the time. I work 50+ hours a week and he stays home with our daughter. I take her as soon as I get home and all weekend. I barely ask him for anything. What do I get in return? Nothing. He doesn't cook, clean, take care or the house or the dogs. He feels like he should get credit for paying his aunt to come clean twice a week, but he doesn't lift a finger unless it suits him. My nephew comes over every day and helps him with the dogs and my daughter, yet he still complains. There is so much more to our story, but the bottom line is that I need to get my finances in order so I can put my daughter in daycare and divorce him. I'm working on it, just need to vent.
One scary thing is, do you have grounds to divorce him? Not liking him might not be grounds. Even if you didn't have a child, he might not want to divorce you, and might like the idea of having your paycheck. With a child however, he may very well not want a divorce to he can stay with the child, who is one-half his.
He, of course, is as attached to the child as you are. He might not like the idea of leaving his child, and may choose to stay in the marriage. He might not like the idea of joint custody, of the child being taken out of the house on weekends so the child can be with him in his new place, or at your place, however that works out.
My wife wanted me out of the house. She fairly bellowed that. But there were circumstances. One, she ordered me out of my own house, that is, it was one half my house, since we were buying it together. Two, we had a 3 year old child together. Uh, oh. I didn't want to leave my child. I didn't want my child to grow up without a father in the home.
Three, when she said leave, she had just gotten caught having an affair, it turned out some 20 affairs, and getting me to leave was her escape hatch. Oh, she get's caught having an affair, my and my son are the ones who have to be punished. What kind of logic is that? It was her logic, and her logic ruled, or something like that.
So, the first 7 years of our marriage was her having affairs, and the last 29 was of her pathological anger cause she got caught having affairs, or something like that.
So, I stayed in that to be with my son, and when he grew up and left, I stayed in the house because it was still one half my house, which would one day be paid for, and we could hand it down to our son. Sell the house for a divorce, and all of that is gone, so she could have affairs, or something like that. She died of a long term illness 6 years ago.
So, I'm saying, ordering up a divorce might be easier said than done. You could look it up on the net for your country or state, and it might say, grounds for a divorce: adultery, withholding sex, physical, emotional abuse, etc.
Of course, there is what, no-fault divorce in some states? You'll have to check that out.
But just because you don't like him might not be grounds for divorce. My wife didn't like me. I didn't think a whole lot of her. But those weren't grounds for divorce, plus, we both wanted the kid and we both wanted the house. so we weren't going anywhere. She was sexually abused as a child, and all of these problems were in the cards once that happened.
One woman on here was inseminated by a man she despised, and had a baby, and she was very upset also. I don't know what to say.
Thanks for your perspective. Definitely food for thought there. I am in a no fault state, but would definitely have grounds for divorce. There's a lot of background I've left out for now, just don't have the time to type it all out or even get my thoughts straight enough to intelligently communicate it.
What's the reason your husband's not working?
If he has no viable sustainable income, you may be obligated to pay not only spousal support, but his legal fees as well. So plan your exit well, seek legal advise so you're fully informed on what to expect.