I have lost everything in my life..
I have a boyfriend..since 3 3.5yrs..he is a short tempered small mentality guy..he wont let me mix up much with people..go out..i hope u know what all were my dos n donts..i accepted that..even my mom was into this relation..she loved him more as a son then a boyfriend..as my boyfriend..with time thi gs instead of turning out to b a bit sweet or good just got worse..he wont appreciate all the things i did or do for him..he showers a lot of love and care when we are together physically..but i just feel he is not good in on the phone..or when apart..see all in all he has just abused me hit me but again loved me with time.
He hardly gets wat i feel say or go through..
He has even in anger revealed all of our love stuff in front of my mom saying take care of ur girl..she did this n that..
Nt only this..sincw all these years..he has just hurt us so bad..but u know once u get used lovin n letting go a person's bullshit..
I n mum r just used to forgiving him..
He did come n tell us sorry for all the things i said he did..
Not once but a tons..he was actually guilty..
But now with time i see more of this real shades..
He has some of his friends girlfriends here he will go out with them whenever he feels like..
He wont inform or even call me once when he is with his friends..
Even if he does..if just 1 word wrong here and there..i am abused and laughed at tainted and put down as a slut..
See i am not confused about him..
All i want to know and ask is..yes i want to get out of this relation..
Frankly..i am even scared to go outb when v fight and dont talk or without informing him..
I am not on fb insta anywhere cause of him..
I genuinely deeply love him u guys..
He just keeps doubting my love not once.alwaysssss...
I am loved n treated good when i am with him physically..
But even at that times if we fight hands r raised on me..
Gaalis are spoken..
M tired n living in a huge life of guilt..i dont want to ever in my most perfect dream as well choose him over my mum..or family..
I just want to know how to overcome my fears living without him as i am supposed to call n inform even when i want to go out..
N obviously if v fight m.not putting my anger aside.n callin him..
Just help me plz..rather then saying just leave him..help me get strong slow n steady..
I just need 1 push a slow n patient 1..
I will be thankful to u guys for life if slowly u get me out of this relation..
I want to be loved respected..cared for..looked after..
For him everything he does for me is a load a burden..
He will make me count n remember all the things once in a bluemoon he has done for me..
N things he couldnt do cause of me..
He is the 1 out with his friends but still he will be like..at times thinkin about u makes me stresssed..
But a totally different person when v together..
I have screwed up big time..
The main part i got to tell u all is..
V live in a different city without our parents..we are here to study..
His house is just not even 1 full block away from mine..
We go to the same college as well..
Thats the reason he dominates me so bad i guess..
Living in the same area city college..
I want to move on without him...
Thats y i asked u guys to not just answer as leave him..
But show me how
All these months i have lost my decision making capability ...my laughter..my everything..
I am or should i say i was a bubbly lil mom dads girl..i dunno wat changed it all..
Now i live in a dark place where even for second i am left alone i will go thinking just bad sad stuff..
I feel guilty for mom
I feel helpless a slut for not being strong enough raise my voice n just go away n get used around like this where as there r ppl out there who i know will love me..
I feel i am going back in studies cause of all this..
I cant laugh for long..
I cant mix with ppl new ppl..
I feel lonely the whole time..
I am dying in guilt i even dunno how many times in this thing itself i wrote but DYING IN GUILT CAUSE I FEEL I CHOSE HIM.OVER MY MOM MY FAMILY.. N I AT A POINT DONT EVEN MIND THAT IF I WAS TREATED RIGHT..OR LEAST UNDERSTOOD..
I JUST want to get out
Make my family proud
Settle down with some1 who wont try changing me but push me to more of my limits..
I want to work..i am being caled some of the cheapest names cause of that 2..
I want to breathe freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
How can i just move on without speakin much but showing.
Cause v both have been telling each other for like forever v r done
Ususally i am the loud clear 1 begging to get out of this relation
But he ends up melting me all over again..
I feel i have lost my own power and control
Deep down not only in this case i know something is not right it never will be
Still i do it either with the flow or i dunno i just cant think and put it in effect..
I cant stop myself..
I need to not get strng but just a bit back to my senses
I am losing it
I couldnt type 3/4 of the things i keep feeling..
This is not even the half of everything i wanted to share..
Its just i cant..
I told u guys i go mute n in my shell..
In all of these..
Just 2 answers..
How to move on this time in reality..
Not just for the sake of saying it in anger when v fight..
And how to gain back my real self..
Laugh talk mix everywhere..study well..make my parents proud..