Fiancées family disrespects me but he does nothing about it...
My fiancé and I have been together for the last two years. I have a 10-year-old son from a previous relationship and he has a six-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, as well as a four-month-old baby that we just had together. I consider my stepdaughter to be just as much my child as the other two and he the same with my son, we are very close family and my parents, as well as the rest of my family, definitely treat him like he's part of the family.
His family on the other hand, is the complete opposite. Not only do they not treat my son like he's part of the family because he was from a previous relationship of mine, they're constantly treating me badly and disrespecting me! Between things they say and do, it's more than obvious that they, for whatever reason, don't like me and don't want to consider me part of their family. It even got to the point where we had some of his family members over and they had the nerve to bring gifts for our two daughters but not our son! They know he considers him to be his son just as much as the other two are his daughters, so for them to do that to a child is just unbelievable to me!
It's bad enough that his family has the nerve to treat me and our son this way, but the worst part of all is that my fiancé does nothing to stop it. He's an amazing man and I love him with all of my heart, but he avoids confrontation like the darn plague and even though he knows that he should be sticking up for me and telling them that it is absolutely unacceptable to treat his family and fiancé that way, he just doesn't! Just yesterday before our daughter's baptism we had a talk in the car and he swore that if anybody was going to disrespect me he would immediately speak up and put them in their place, well sure enough they did and he just stood there, I looked at him with a completely broken hearted, pissed off and more upset than you can imagine, and he still did nothing at all! He eventually said something to his mother after I got really upset with him, but that is just inexcusable to me! I know that he loves me, but it makes me feel so terrible when he allows them to treat me this way. It really makes me feel like he could care less if somebody disrespects me. I understand that he doesn't like confrontation at all, I honestly don't either, but when somebody disrespects your family like that you need to stick up for them! Especially as a man, I'm supposed to be able to trust and rely on him to protect us be there for us and make sure that nobody disrespects us, but I can't. We've talked about it many times and every time he agrees with me apologizes and swears the next time he'll take care of it, but he never does. Does anybody have any advice on how I can get through to him? He knows exactly how horrible he's making me feel but still for some reason won't do it. I can tell he's genuinely sorry after-the-fact but at that point it's too late, and the fact that his family sees that he does nothing about it until after I get upset and tell him to say something makes me look even worse and makes it seem like he's only saying something because I'm telling him to! I don't know what to do anymore ...
On a side note, I have never, not even once, disrespected anybody in his family in anyway. I've been extremely nice to them, invited them over to my home and cooked for them many many times, they're the type of people that will be nice to you in front of your face and then disrespect you and talk badly when they think you're not listening. I obviously don't like them at all, Especially after they treated our son that way, but I can assure you I don't make that obvious at all, theyre still my fiancé's family and , As much as I don't like them, I'm going to have to deal with them for the rest of my life so I just put on a smile and try to be as polite as possible out of respect to my fiancé. There have been quite a few times where somebody in his family completely disrespected him and I stood up for him each and every time! That happened with two aunts in particular that he has since completely cut off. So this is definitely not due to me being nasty to them in anyway.
Sounds like he's not quite as masculine as you would prefer. And that's not a terrible thing. It means he needs an ultimatum. You speak with him privately and say last chance, here's how it's going to happen
1. You tell your family that WE are a family and if they have a problem with ANY ONE in it, they can't come around. They don't appreciate your son? Then they can't be around your daughters either.
2. He needs to talk to your children all at the same time and explain that the way they are treated by family memebers, doesn't reflect the love mom and dad have for them. Assure them you love all of them equally and that sometimes adults can do things that seem mean but you and your man have your children's back... I'm sure they notice the mistreatment and I'm sure it hurts. But if they know their parents are on their team and will not tolerate injustice, it will bring them closer to you and maybe help them not get so hurt when others treat them poorly because they will know that mom and dad's love is the strongest and only one that matters
3. If your man doesn't agree, it's obvious where his loyalty is and if you were to ever get married it would eventually fail because he's on his parents team not yours.
Just my thoughts. Good luck
Thank you very much, I completely agree with you. My stepfather actually just had a talk with him yesterday and told him the same thing, that he needs to sit down with his family and tell them that this is how it is and either you except my family or that's it and we just won't talk anymore. Honestly though, I don't know if he'll do it. He hates confrontation of any kind and I know if he doesn't manage to say what he needs to say when he sits down with his family that I'll be heartbroken, because that means it won't work
Sorry about the spelling LOL I'm voice texting and my phone basically misspells everything.. I'm one of those people that can't stand spelling errors in my posts so it drives me crazy LOL