After 3 weeks of break up he txtd once to wish me nice weeknd and of course i did not reply.since then he didnt try to contact me.but one week ago he called me once on whatsapp i szw his missed call after i wock up.and i noticed that he blocked me too.i dont know why he blocked me .
My question is why he did so?!shall i call him back or text him?or continue with the no contact rule? pls need ur advice.thx
It's called, 'It's been 3 weeks and my round objects are going Blue' plus 'I don't want to be the one to put my own pride and ego on the line by inviting a clear knock-back, even merely to the unspoken invitation for no-strings sex, so let's see if she can make a 3-course meal out of just a few crumbs'. You obviously sensed that somehow. So well done to you for not having dignified it with a response!
Blocking you is part revenge (for not having taken the prior bait, i.e. rejected him), part provocation. Because here you now are, wondering why the outright hostile action and needing, GAGGING, to find out, and in the absence of a voicemail to explain himself - who (presumably) KNOWS why he did that? Answer, ONLY HE DOES (ta-daa!). So you have to do WHAT to find out? That's right - MAKE CONTACT.
A man who wants to reconcile and reinstate the relationship makes that crystal clear. He doesn't throw a few open-to-interpretation crumbs that leave the rest to the woman's hopeful imagination. Put another way, he doesn't 'lure', he CHASES (which over-tenacious exes is predominantly why we have anti-harrassment/stalking laws in the first place.)
Whether he's being a complete chicken or just wanting to avoid being called to account further down the line if you should want the same, full relationship as before rather than (I'm betting) a newly watered-down version (FWB), continue with the no contact rule. If he WANTS to start the relationship all over again then he can simply repeat those things he did first time round to impress and bag you, right? ("Right!") He wasn't too chicken or inept back then, was he (- curiouser and curiouser, said Alice.)
So if he would have you believe he wants the relationship back in the full sense of the word, he knows perfectly well what to do as opposed to what not, in order to get a befitting response out of you. Besides, he was the one to break it off so, IRRESPECTIVE of gender and men insisting they're the bosses, the onus even by standards of etiquette is on him.
Let him prove that's what he wants, like he knows how.
About him all over again.. when its just nothing.. and it doesnt mean anything.
Let him continue circling you, with you acting like you haven't noticed or have noticed but haven't a clue what his point is ergo fail to muster enough of an urge yourself to actually respond. Then, when (or if) he makes a bolder move, think puppy-training and just give him a TINY acknowledgement. E.g. if he sends another 'How are you?' type of message but this time does it by email, reply 'Good thanks! ' and that's it. But make him do the proper work to deserve a pat on the head (and no choccie drop until he performs *impressively*).
He's probably at this early juncture just trying to see what he might possibly get away with... whether he can have you back AND remain single (cake and eat it) because obviously then he'll be in line for the same relationship perks but without any of the hard work or occasional negatives.
Well done for staying strong and standing up for what you know you deserve! Keep us posted.
Here's the difference that makes a lot of difference: if he'd left a voicemail message, including asking outright for you to call him back.
He didn't. So what's to respond to? Could have been a wrong number for all you know??
Maybe next time he will, eh! But meanwhile that's your story and you're sticking to it. LOL
But you can't know for certain which is chicken and which is egg in terms of his new relationship. It could be failing because he's still hung up on you, not the other way around? Again, time will tell. But one thing's for certain: he's a lilypad-leaper, the type who doesn't want any period of swimming (singledom) so jumps from one relationship to the next. Conclusion: can't hack his own company/has a high libido/both.
Well, of course you didn't react. What he's doing is tantamount to a caller at your house tapping on the basement windows instead of just knocking/ringing properly on the front door when he knows full well how. In fact, if a man truly loves and sees a future with you and merely knee-jerk broke it off with you just because he'd, say, been upset with you at the time, then it wouldn't take him 3 long weeks to take it back and convince you to give him/the pair of you a second chance (having already dumped the new gf, note!) *nor* simultaneously get executed over silly social websites and apps. Three weeks followed by his battering your front door down, or three days followed by ringing and texting your phone 'off its hook' PLUS emails PLUS texts PLUS a great big Interflora delivery with note gushing with romantic sincerity, maybe. But not three weeks and just a pathetic tap at your 'secondary' windows. It smacks either of half-heartedness/cowardice or him not being ready to reconcile or wanting only semi-reconciliation (i.e. of the genitals), NONE of which are exactly flattering for what they say about his earlier so-called strength of feelings. "I love you and just lost it for a moment there" is as *does*.
Breaking it off on the phone is downright cowardly for starters. So there's your huge Scooby Clue already as to what's what with him. But perhaps he's additionally intrigued to find out whether your stiff upper lip had been for real and whether ever since you've been in a heap of tears, simply out of his ego being unused to that kind of contained reaction and incapable of handling/just sitting with the slight it represents?
By the way, if you SHOULD yield to intrigue yourself, bear in mind that there is a way to respond without revealing all that much, let alone giving him any leg-up. As the Fun Boy Three song said, It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it:
- Firstly, you leave his email a good 24-72 hours before responding (message: YAWN, not impressed and anyway, you're no longer my priority either).
- Secondly, keep your responses VERY brief and make like his local vicar: "I'm good, thank-you for asking. And to what do I owe this pleasure?".
- Thirdly, give zero away: "What have I been up to? Oh, this and that, you know, just keeping busy as usual", coupled with (whoops) failing to return-enquire about him or at most just typing a polite "And you?".
- And, mostly importantly, you keep the exchange fairly short-lived to denote boredom/un-impressed-ness.
If he should serve any attempt to provoke, say, in the form of volunteering information about his 'brilliant' new relationship (an illogical impression to paint if he's going to the trouble of contacting YOU), all you say is, 'I'm glad you're happy. Anyway, must dash. Speak to you another time maybe'. No question-mark (you're not that keen, it's just a standard pleasantry), CERTAINLY no exclamation marks or failure to ever reply (- an action that could be taken for indication that you found the news too upsetting). In other words, you stay the one in control and give nothing but even LESS crumbs in return for his original crumbs so that he has to up his ante to get any joy out of the exercise.
If, on the other hand, you get an email that basically translates to, WHAAAAH, I've tried but I can't live without you, I want you back!, then, although that AGAIN begs suspicious attention to the inappropriate communication medium and method, it's enough to test him out with something like, 'And you're telling me all this OVER EMAIL?'. But again, you leave quite a long response time to see whether in the interim he quickly follows up with a call attempt.
Alternatively you can just cut the crap and respond with, 'Look, you were the one broke it off so what's with the contact, what do you want?'. As long as you're still failing to give him what he wants for very little effort on his part (as well as failing to LEAP on said crumbs), that's the main thing. You want to know what his intentions are before you'll show any of your cards. So make like a lemon that's been kept too long in the fridge or like Her Royal Highness: it's going to take a HUGE squeeze to get anything more than one pathetic drop of juice out of you / Queens don't do 'starving', it's a three-course featuring foie gras and champagne or nothing.
Here's one of my personal faves from my archives, employing all the above-stated golden rules re time-lag: "Hi. Good, cheers. Are you after me posting you your socks?"
(Men like him think they're SO original and yet this kind of post-split, trying-it-on behaviour is such an old chestnut. It's a good job ol' Richard Gere in Pretty Woman didn't send Julia Roberts nothing but a piddly text or email or took 3 whole weeks to do so, and then with another woman already on his arm at the time, isn't it... would have made for VERY boring and uninspiring viewing. :-p It's called, I love this person so much and can't even conceive of living my life without her, I'll do whatever it takes and couldn't give a SH*T about pride or trying to self-protect!)
Let's see what ANOTHER three weeks without, does to him and his seeming lack of bravery, eh? But, if he DOES end up cracking, the important point to remember is not to let that power go to your head by setting unfair Parte Deux terms and conditions (bad karma). Re-negotiations-wise, you're just after whatever's FAIR and are willing to make his thereafter sitting with his humiliation (for having basically prostrated himself) as pleasant and comfortable (even rewarding) as possible so as to leave him viewing his having so transparently shown his vulnerable side as a GOOD thing as well as something to be repeated.
By the way he is 43 years old and he is 17 years older then me.. i can feel that
He still matured enough thx god that this relationship didnt work.true i still have feelings for him but deep down i know he.is not the right one for.me.
I wish I could share your confidence about his not contacting you again but, knowing his type inside and out, particularly in the face of what would, to a man like him, be an unfathomably, irreconcilable turn-around in attitude, I think you should at least consider the possibility of a repeat exercise at some point. NEXT fight and 'safety-net-ing' attempt, no doubt. In which case, your resolve to continue ignoring him is highly sensible.
In fact, I think your self-assured resolve to no longer accept crumbs and suspect it's doubtful he'd ever improve on that score - hence, why bother 'going backwards' - should be held up as example of a strong, sassy woman with her head screwed on very firmly indeed. Well done you.
Keep us posted if he does 'do an Arnie'.
Am avoiding him bcz he is my ex's best friend and so close to him .. but so strange how he start behaving..any guessing?
sorry for my spelling ..anyway im avoiding him bcz when we use to talk alot i still in realtionship with my ex and i use to take somz advices from his best friend and they were not in contact for like 6 months because they had a fight ..so he use to complain about him to me but when we broke up me and my ex couple of months later he become friends again with my ex..i knew by conscidence from another friend and he hide it from me that they r friends again. I didnt tell him anything i just acted like
I still dont know but his behavior is so strange how comment all my posts and insisting on me to call him..anyway i m avoiding him and at the same time i dont want to delete him bcz its so childlish to do do.any advice?
"by the way his best friend still friend with me. Just on fb we talk sometimes but i never ask him about my ex"
It's called, leaving a bridge intact. His friend is relaying any snippets of information you give or that he can glean (either in or between the lines), straight back to the ex. Or, rather, 'ex-not-ex'.
Basically, you're being stalked. Not in any harmful or need-for-alarm way, but nonetheless...
I love the provocation attempt: You are strange (an unflattering label you'd no doubt wish to avoid)...unless and until you switch to doing the opposite of what it is I deem makes you 'strange'. (I'd have said, 'Am I? BRILLIANT, THANKS, I've been practising for ages and thought no-one else had noticed!')
I think this friend of his has his own little, secret agenda, however. He's agreed to snoop at the behest of exipoos' but has the inkling that it might just lead you and HE getting it on.
Who ARE you - Angelina Jolie?
Advice: Just keep acting dumb or being "busy-busy-busy". And stop being so damned gorgeous, LOL.
Seriously, it's VERY flattering if you think about it. Take it to the bank!
Saying that, I don't doubt that, in with ex wanting to keep tabs on where your lilypad is situated and how roomy it is in case he needs to leap back any time soon(er), there's this other element going on whereby the only-just forgiven friend has been emotionally manipulated into believing his reconciliation with your ex relies that bit too heavily on his busting a gut on said tab-keeping score. Maybe he's only really just realised he's being used in this way and hence why he's hedging his bets in terms of, if he fails to please your ex then maybe he might at least come away from this exercise with a replacement friend (you), whether in the form of purely platonic OR with the bonus of romance?
They're both behaving very childishly, though, aren't they. You'd expect this kind of nonsense in a secondary school playground, not the grown adult world.
But why are you considering sending your ex a birthday card? Is he also your brother? Because he's certainly not your boyfriend, is he. So tell me how that now-inappropriate urge of yours gels with your claiming to be done with him?
If you liked this friend enough to now or at some point in the future want to return friendship (or, who knows, possibly even more than that?) ('never say never' and all that), I recommend you tell him that you want all talk of your ex to be off-limits from now on and until informed otherwise, please/thank-you. Let's see what he's made of WITHOUT trying to shrink the ex to big himself up, shall we?
But either way, despite for his own personal agenda, he is right about not sending the card because men note ACTIONS, and if you're done with someone in your life then done is as done DOES, which includes no longer/ever again acknowledging their personal biz, such as birthdays.
All he told me not to wish him happy birthday bcz its useless and he told me he blocked u on fb so why u will email him he is already busy with another girl.let him go i told him im not trying to go back to him i just wanted to be nice nothing else he told me no sis dont do it.. u r lucky that this relationship is over ..i told him yes i know and thx for ur advice then he told me..sis u hv a good heart and u deserve someone better then him.. trust me he gave u a favor when he left u.. and thats all.
And he stopped texting too.. i really dont understand his behavior .. waiting for u to help me understanding ..thx again
Steer well clear, is my advice.
Saying that, sounds like he's doing that himself...that or trying to make you sit up and take more attention of him - away from the ex - through his sudden, mysterious absence as hooks ones curiosity. No doubt because of what your wondering whether to send a buffday card could mean (not remotely over him yet). After all, YOU might say no hard feelings via a card in this kind of context. But most men don't. If they do it's more often than not simply an excuse to make contact, meaning, he'll be judging you by male standards and concluding that bracketed bit.
So he's either decided you're not a suitable target for any extra-marital flirtation or liaison OR it's a "Where is Spot?" ploy to get you avidly looking out for the next page.
For example, if I right now said to you 'Knock-knock?' and you said 'Who's there?' and I suddenly went quiet, your mind would start itching. And it's this ITCH that has you then watching my space. Because only I have the 'anti-histamine cream'. (Make sense?)
Mif he is playing mindgames with me i dont care.. and yes i feel petty for his wife and his kid too becauzz he behave like kids both of them are 43 and act like they r 17 even when i waz 17 i dont remember did what they r both doing.. at first when i met my ex i was 22 he was 39 he showed maturity and kidness then after that he showed me his real face when he intrduice me to his best friend i felt how this friend is so childish and i alwayz told my ex ur friend needs to grow up..but then i realise that both matchs so much..at least his friend was not hididnt that anyway im happy tha yestetday was his birthday and i didnt send him a wish card.thx god
Now i saw his profil he is tagging my ex sure i cant see my ex profil but i can see his name..
He is posting and writting old days bro etc...
And he posted a song and wrote for u bro ...
I was chocked really how hypocrite he is
I m thinking seriously to block him
So childish so immaturr and so hypocrite..
Yep, block him, good idea. He's a chocolate teapot where you're concerned, anyway. Plus, it sounds as if the two of THEM are falling in love, doesn't it? Posting songs for each other? ("Ahhhh...") What's next? Flowers?
Anyway, ONE positive: you've learned a new and useful lesson (in amongst all the others), that on-paper age means diddly-squat if the behaviour isn't congruous. Same as if you plant two identical bulbs in your garden: one might shoot up whilst the other is slower or stays stunted... and yet supposedly they're identical.
Talking of 'vegetables' (): People are like onions. Getting to know them is like peeling off one layer after the other. Some are moreover wholesome and tasty all the way through, some are anywhere between less tasty or downright rotten in the middle. Gotta peel them to find out. Or sample enough onions to learn what other, subtler characteristics that rottenness tends to produce on the outside. Either/or.
HOWEVER! Saying all of that - me, I wouldn't put it past this "friend" to be DELIBERATELY trying to provoke you, merely USING an act of hypocrisy. Not that that's any better, of course. So, yep, block him. Or just ignore him. (Ooh - such tempting choices! LOL)
Yes i ignored him
He was insisting to tchat with me.. once i did it he said no he is not fully back friends with him..
And giving advices bla bla bla
I thought oh waw whats a nice guy
Then he went absent well like a care
2 days after he started tagging my ex putting old songs
And telling him bro old gold days
I dont think that they r falling in love come on
U know what i think now
I think that might my ex talked bulshit about me and told him oyr intimate secrets .. so this stupid friend wants to try to hv an affaire with me..
It can be this way
I dont know
Im just thinking so..
At this point it does sound like it, yep.
Oh, well, at least you've seen through it all so - onwards and upwards and "Neeeext!".
So after a while a found out that he blocked me..
I was chocked how he said before he doesnt want to loose me as a friend and how he advice me then out of the bleu he blocked me and he blocked me in whatsapp too..
(It was spam disguised as a post.)
Men tend to hide in the long grass known as "let's be friends" in order to keep you open as a potential, later option *plus* if you state on social media that you wish you'd never even MET him, then - what do you expect? Wouldn't you delete him if he'd written that?
VERY manipulative, those two! Two peas in a pod! In fact, they should get married. ;-p
I think that my ex is behind this blocking thing and they were talking about me and stalking me all the time.. i just felt so stupid.i really wanna teach them a good lesson and defind myself.but i always say bad karma will hunt them one day.
Re your posting about lessons learned: I imagine what stuck out, more than any actual content, was the term 'ex'. Plus the act of posting that in the first place screams, Over It, because it's what one does when one has been through the whole grief process and landed at Acceptance where things are seen as being firmly in the past.
But you can't really take on board what another colleague from a different dept. might have to say about this friend or the whole affair. He might have some old axe to grind with him. For starters, *IF* this friend had been spouting nasty rumours to your then-boyfriend which this colleague had either witnessed, overheard or later been made privy to, how come he wasn't as oh-so-helpful at the time in rushing round to your dept to warn you or even ensuring to pass it along the department grapevine? Why only now - what would be different about any consequences?
It's easy for him to say at this point when you're broken up and (as you'd undoubtedly just informed him) no longer having any contact whatsoever, isn't it, because that tells him you'd have no way to corroborate or verify whatever he chose to tell you. More to the point, why would your bf have listened instead of trusting his own, better educated opinion about you and what you're like? Or even confronted you about it at the first opportunity himself? No, I think it's more post-splat self-justification attempt, as in, 'It was her fault we split, not mine, because I heard it on good authority that she was going behind my back, saying/doing this/that/the other horrid thing'. Most people tend to see through that nonsense. Indeed, regardless of whether this other dept. colleague is telling the truth or using the situation to his advantage in spreading rumours about the disliked go-between friend/colleague - certainly he sees through your ex's face-saver attempt.
Since you don't even want to get back with him, I don't think there's any need to put him straight - due to the reason you point out (Fate being the one to get them) (WHICH it does - every time, just a matter of time!). Let the poor pea-brain work it out for himself in hindsight (if there even IS anything to work out, that is). He will.
As for you: you ended it. That doesn't make you stupid, does it, quite the opposite. Oh, you may THINK he was the one ended it, but I reckon that was just a ploy to get the upper hand by rendering you apt to chase him back and thereafter be forevermore braced for the next guillotine to come down, thereby permanently too insecure to assert yourself and your needs in case you ever triggered it back into action. You were the one made it real and final by 'shutting up shop' (zero contact). I.e. having sampled the strength of his dark side, you dismantled the guillotine, climbed off the execution platform altogether and walked off over the horizon until you were just a speck. Hence his having had to elect a 'loudhailer-on-legs'.
No, they TRIED to manipulate you but you took yourself moreover too out of reach, meaning - big fat FAIL.
Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?