Facebook Banner 001

Need You Advice Please

Posted by
SELINA987
on Sep 14 2015 at 23:40
Member since: 14 September 2015
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category My ex brock up with me .. so i decided to apply no contact straight away.

After 3 weeks of break up he txtd once to wish me nice weeknd and of course i did not reply.since then he didnt try to contact me.but one week ago he called me once on whatsapp i szw his missed call after i wock up.and i noticed that he blocked me too.i dont know why he blocked me .

My question is why he did so?!shall i call him back or text him?or continue with the no contact rule? pls need ur advice.thx

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 15 2015 at 15:56
Member since: 19 August 2014
'Have a nice weekend'? You'd expect a mere ACQUAINTANCE to just text you in that manner, not someone you'd been closely intimate with, wouldn't you? How nicely nonchalant/non-committal. Perfect for provoking YOU into re-striking up contact whilst leaving future-him having made you no promises ("I never SAID I wanted us to be boyfriend-girlfriend again, all I did was text you, you were the one who ran with it!").

It's called, 'It's been 3 weeks and my round objects are going Blue' plus 'I don't want to be the one to put my own pride and ego on the line by inviting a clear knock-back, even merely to the unspoken invitation for no-strings sex, so let's see if she can make a 3-course meal out of just a few crumbs'. You obviously sensed that somehow. So well done to you for not having dignified it with a response!

Blocking you is part revenge (for not having taken the prior bait, i.e. rejected him), part provocation. Because here you now are, wondering why the outright hostile action and needing, GAGGING, to find out, and in the absence of a voicemail to explain himself - who (presumably) KNOWS why he did that? Answer, ONLY HE DOES (ta-daa!). So you have to do WHAT to find out? That's right - MAKE CONTACT.

A man who wants to reconcile and reinstate the relationship makes that crystal clear. He doesn't throw a few open-to-interpretation crumbs that leave the rest to the woman's hopeful imagination. Put another way, he doesn't 'lure', he CHASES (which over-tenacious exes is predominantly why we have anti-harrassment/stalking laws in the first place.)

Whether he's being a complete chicken or just wanting to avoid being called to account further down the line if you should want the same, full relationship as before rather than (I'm betting) a newly watered-down version (FWB), continue with the no contact rule. If he WANTS to start the relationship all over again then he can simply repeat those things he did first time round to impress and bag you, right? ("Right!") He wasn't too chicken or inept back then, was he (- curiouser and curiouser, said Alice.)

So if he would have you believe he wants the relationship back in the full sense of the word, he knows perfectly well what to do as opposed to what not, in order to get a befitting response out of you. Besides, he was the one to break it off so, IRRESPECTIVE of gender and men insisting they're the bosses, the onus even by standards of etiquette is on him.

Let him prove that's what he wants, like he knows how.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 15 2015 at 16:53
Member since: 14 September 2015
Well im not going to contact him anyways because like u said if he wants me.back he will make it crystal clear.well i ll follow ur advice :) u are absolutaly right .
Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 15 2015 at 17:12
Member since: 14 September 2015
U really opened my eyes u explained everything i needed to know .. and u answerrd all my questions .. thx god i didnt try to email him or call him .. well i m so thankfull for ur early response .. and yes u were right back then he did everything to impress me and he use to beg . Well now i feel that his new rrlationship is falling appart thats why he is trying to reach me. Its just a guess .. ex is an ex and its over ...just this missed call that made me thinking

About him all over again.. when its just nothing.. and it doesnt mean anything.

Thx again

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 15 2015 at 17:15
Member since: 19 August 2014
That's right... He wouldn't fling cushions at the telly buttons to change the channel and expect any kind of success, would he. Well, not if he REALLY wanted to change channels.

Let him continue circling you, with you acting like you haven't noticed or have noticed but haven't a clue what his point is ergo fail to muster enough of an urge yourself to actually respond. Then, when (or if) he makes a bolder move, think puppy-training and just give him a TINY acknowledgement. E.g. if he sends another 'How are you?' type of message but this time does it by email, reply 'Good thanks! :-)' and that's it. But make him do the proper work to deserve a pat on the head (and no choccie drop until he performs *impressively*).

He's probably at this early juncture just trying to see what he might possibly get away with... whether he can have you back AND remain single (cake and eat it) because obviously then he'll be in line for the same relationship perks but without any of the hard work or occasional negatives.

Well done for staying strong and standing up for what you know you deserve! Keep us posted.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 15 2015 at 17:21
Member since: 19 August 2014
Sorry, we crossed-over, meaning I've only now just clocked your third message.

Here's the difference that makes a lot of difference: if he'd left a voicemail message, including asking outright for you to call him back.

He didn't. So what's to respond to? Could have been a wrong number for all you know??

Maybe next time he will, eh! But meanwhile that's your story and you're sticking to it. LOL

But you can't know for certain which is chicken and which is egg in terms of his new relationship. It could be failing because he's still hung up on you, not the other way around? Again, time will tell. But one thing's for certain: he's a lilypad-leaper, the type who doesn't want any period of swimming (singledom) so jumps from one relationship to the next. Conclusion: can't hack his own company/has a high libido/both.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 15 2015 at 23:27
Member since: 14 September 2015
Well thank u again for ur time .. actualy am strong person i really loved him so deep that i sacrifid manythings to make him happy and he was my first.. but when he decided to leave me i didnt show any emitions or cried or acted clingy i just told him thx for being honest.. he said that he loves me back then bla bla and he explained over the phone why he want to leave me i didnt answer him i was just listning then i left without saying a single word and since then i.didnt try to call or text or contact him. He blocked on facebook.. but he didnt do it on whatsapp or viber.. so when he blocked me.on fb i removed my viber..till.now i hv no viber but still hv whatsapp but i removed my last seen..and i delted him from my contact list afterr 3 weeks of break up he emailed me to wish me nice weekend 3monhs after that email.he called me on whatsapp just once was early morning i saw his call then he blocked.. and i didnt do any reaction.i.didnt call or text or anything..
Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 16 2015 at 14:08
Member since: 19 August 2014
(You're welcome. No point in giving advice if you're not going to make it comprehensive to the Nth, eh.)

Well, of course you didn't react. What he's doing is tantamount to a caller at your house tapping on the basement windows instead of just knocking/ringing properly on the front door when he knows full well how. In fact, if a man truly loves and sees a future with you and merely knee-jerk broke it off with you just because he'd, say, been upset with you at the time, then it wouldn't take him 3 long weeks to take it back and convince you to give him/the pair of you a second chance (having already dumped the new gf, note!) *nor* simultaneously get executed over silly social websites and apps. Three weeks followed by his battering your front door down, or three days followed by ringing and texting your phone 'off its hook' PLUS emails PLUS texts PLUS a great big Interflora delivery with note gushing with romantic sincerity, maybe. But not three weeks and just a pathetic tap at your 'secondary' windows. It smacks either of half-heartedness/cowardice or him not being ready to reconcile or wanting only semi-reconciliation (i.e. of the genitals), NONE of which are exactly flattering for what they say about his earlier so-called strength of feelings. "I love you and just lost it for a moment there" is as *does*.

Breaking it off on the phone is downright cowardly for starters. So there's your huge Scooby Clue already as to what's what with him. But perhaps he's additionally intrigued to find out whether your stiff upper lip had been for real and whether ever since you've been in a heap of tears, simply out of his ego being unused to that kind of contained reaction and incapable of handling/just sitting with the slight it represents?

By the way, if you SHOULD yield to intrigue yourself, bear in mind that there is a way to respond without revealing all that much, let alone giving him any leg-up. As the Fun Boy Three song said, It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it:

- Firstly, you leave his email a good 24-72 hours before responding (message: YAWN, not impressed and anyway, you're no longer my priority either).

- Secondly, keep your responses VERY brief and make like his local vicar: "I'm good, thank-you for asking. And to what do I owe this pleasure?".

- Thirdly, give zero away: "What have I been up to? Oh, this and that, you know, just keeping busy as usual", coupled with (whoops) failing to return-enquire about him or at most just typing a polite "And you?".

- And, mostly importantly, you keep the exchange fairly short-lived to denote boredom/un-impressed-ness.

If he should serve any attempt to provoke, say, in the form of volunteering information about his 'brilliant' new relationship (an illogical impression to paint if he's going to the trouble of contacting YOU), all you say is, 'I'm glad you're happy. Anyway, must dash. Speak to you another time maybe'. No question-mark (you're not that keen, it's just a standard pleasantry), CERTAINLY no exclamation marks or failure to ever reply (- an action that could be taken for indication that you found the news too upsetting). In other words, you stay the one in control and give nothing but even LESS crumbs in return for his original crumbs so that he has to up his ante to get any joy out of the exercise.

If, on the other hand, you get an email that basically translates to, WHAAAAH, I've tried but I can't live without you, I want you back!, then, although that AGAIN begs suspicious attention to the inappropriate communication medium and method, it's enough to test him out with something like, 'And you're telling me all this OVER EMAIL?'. But again, you leave quite a long response time to see whether in the interim he quickly follows up with a call attempt.

Alternatively you can just cut the crap and respond with, 'Look, you were the one broke it off so what's with the contact, what do you want?'. As long as you're still failing to give him what he wants for very little effort on his part (as well as failing to LEAP on said crumbs), that's the main thing. You want to know what his intentions are before you'll show any of your cards. So make like a lemon that's been kept too long in the fridge or like Her Royal Highness: it's going to take a HUGE squeeze to get anything more than one pathetic drop of juice out of you / Queens don't do 'starving', it's a three-course featuring foie gras and champagne or nothing.

Here's one of my personal faves from my archives, employing all the above-stated golden rules re time-lag: "Hi. Good, cheers. Are you after me posting you your socks?"

(Men like him think they're SO original and yet this kind of post-split, trying-it-on behaviour is such an old chestnut. It's a good job ol' Richard Gere in Pretty Woman didn't send Julia Roberts nothing but a piddly text or email or took 3 whole weeks to do so, and then with another woman already on his arm at the time, isn't it... would have made for VERY boring and uninspiring viewing. :-p It's called, I love this person so much and can't even conceive of living my life without her, I'll do whatever it takes and couldn't give a SH*T about pride or trying to self-protect!)

Let's see what ANOTHER three weeks without, does to him and his seeming lack of bravery, eh? ;-) But, if he DOES end up cracking, the important point to remember is not to let that power go to your head by setting unfair Parte Deux terms and conditions (bad karma). Re-negotiations-wise, you're just after whatever's FAIR and are willing to make his thereafter sitting with his humiliation (for having basically prostrated himself) as pleasant and comfortable (even rewarding) as possible so as to leave him viewing his having so transparently shown his vulnerable side as a GOOD thing as well as something to be repeated.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 17 2015 at 21:34
Member since: 14 September 2015
Thx again for.explaining evrrything with details.but i dont think that he will try contact me again .. he seems that he had a small ffight with the new girl friend again.its just my guessing not sure.. and he wanted a comfort ..

By the way he is 43 years old and he is 17 years older then me.. i can feel that

He still matured enough thx god that this relationship didnt work.true i still have feelings for him but deep down i know he.is not the right one for.me.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 17 2015 at 21:36
Member since: 14 September 2015
I.ment he is not matured enough
Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 18 2015 at 17:01
Member since: 19 August 2014
Not mature enough? LOL, you don't say.

I wish I could share your confidence about his not contacting you again but, knowing his type inside and out, particularly in the face of what would, to a man like him, be an unfathomably, irreconcilable turn-around in attitude, I think you should at least consider the possibility of a repeat exercise at some point. NEXT fight and 'safety-net-ing' attempt, no doubt. In which case, your resolve to continue ignoring him is highly sensible.

In fact, I think your self-assured resolve to no longer accept crumbs and suspect it's doubtful he'd ever improve on that score - hence, why bother 'going backwards' - should be held up as example of a strong, sassy woman with her head screwed on very firmly indeed. Well done you. :-)

Keep us posted if he does 'do an Arnie'.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 18 2015 at 18:09
Member since: 14 September 2015
Hi again..yes sure i ll keep u posted.. by the way his best friend still friend with me. Just on fb we talk sometimes but i never ask him about my ex.. but recently he started commenting each and evrry post in my timeline.and few days back he told me why u dont chat with me like before .. so i told him im just busy with work and stuff and i hv no pb with him.. so he told me because i saw ur ex .. i changed the subject and i told him i hv to go now bcz i hv work to do ..he asked me to call him and i said yes sure i will.. but i didnt call because i was so busy and i didnt feel like i want to call him and what for? So again he texted me saying.. << you are so strange !!>> i told him strange?? How strange!! He said very very strange..i told him come on please u r so strange i dont understand whats wrong?? So he said ok my mistake i will never disturb u.. i told him u r not disturbing at all but i dont understand whats wrong??? He said u told me u will call me and you didnt?? I said im so sorry but i got so busy thats all..then he said pls i dont want to loose ur friendship coz u r a good person and i dont want a loose such a nice friend like u.. i told him dont worry u will not loose my friendship and nothing change.actualy

Am avoiding him bcz he is my ex's best friend and so close to him .. but so strange how he start behaving..any guessing?

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 18 2015 at 18:20
Member since: 14 September 2015
Nothing changed* i mean

sorry for my spelling ..anyway im avoiding him bcz when we use to talk alot i still in realtionship with my ex and i use to take somz advices from his best friend and they were not in contact for like 6 months because they had a fight ..so he use to complain about him to me but when we broke up me and my ex couple of months later he become friends again with my ex..i knew by conscidence from another friend and he hide it from me that they r friends again. I didnt tell him anything i just acted like

I still dont know but his behavior is so strange how comment all my posts and insisting on me to call him..anyway i m avoiding him and at the same time i dont want to delete him bcz its so childlish to do do.any advice?

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 19 2015 at 17:34
Member since: 19 August 2014
Ha-ha, 'any guessing'. I don't need to guess, I've seen this behaviour so many times I could produce about 15 separate scripts for it, dialogue included.

"by the way his best friend still friend with me. Just on fb we talk sometimes but i never ask him about my ex"

It's called, leaving a bridge intact. His friend is relaying any snippets of information you give or that he can glean (either in or between the lines), straight back to the ex. Or, rather, 'ex-not-ex'.

Basically, you're being stalked. Not in any harmful or need-for-alarm way, but nonetheless...

I love the provocation attempt: You are strange (an unflattering label you'd no doubt wish to avoid)...unless and until you switch to doing the opposite of what it is I deem makes you 'strange'. (I'd have said, 'Am I? BRILLIANT, THANKS, I've been practising for ages and thought no-one else had noticed!')

I think this friend of his has his own little, secret agenda, however. He's agreed to snoop at the behest of exipoos' but has the inkling that it might just lead you and HE getting it on.

Who ARE you - Angelina Jolie? :-D

Advice: Just keep acting dumb or being "busy-busy-busy". And stop being so damned gorgeous, LOL.

Seriously, it's VERY flattering if you think about it. Take it to the bank! :-)

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 19 2015 at 20:15
Member since: 14 September 2015
Hi seriously im not am not acting .. i dont understand his behavior and hiding the fact that he is friend with him again.. juste yesterday he asked me again if its ok to call me i told him am busy celebrating my sister birthday..so he told me pls call me when u r free
Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 20 2015 at 02:27
Member since: 14 September 2015
By the way after 2 dayz iz my ex birthday is it ok if i wish him happy birthday via email or not.. just to be nice nothing else or not pls advice thx alot.
Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 20 2015 at 13:32
Member since: 19 August 2014
I didn't mean Jolie as in acting, I meant as in being irresistible to both these blokes.

Saying that, I don't doubt that, in with ex wanting to keep tabs on where your lilypad is situated and how roomy it is in case he needs to leap back any time soon(er), there's this other element going on whereby the only-just forgiven friend has been emotionally manipulated into believing his reconciliation with your ex relies that bit too heavily on his busting a gut on said tab-keeping score. Maybe he's only really just realised he's being used in this way and hence why he's hedging his bets in terms of, if he fails to please your ex then maybe he might at least come away from this exercise with a replacement friend (you), whether in the form of purely platonic OR with the bonus of romance?

They're both behaving very childishly, though, aren't they. You'd expect this kind of nonsense in a secondary school playground, not the grown adult world.

But why are you considering sending your ex a birthday card? Is he also your brother? Because he's certainly not your boyfriend, is he. So tell me how that now-inappropriate urge of yours gels with your claiming to be done with him?

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 20 2015 at 14:19
Member since: 14 September 2015
Well im just asking i m not planing to get back together with him.. just to be nice thats all but i wont send him i changed my mind bcz this morning i had a tchat with hiz friend and he called me then i told him so happy that u r back with my ex he was swearing that they r not really back..and they r not friends like before..then i told him i waz thinking to wish him happy birthday..he told me no dont do it..dont send him anything and he said trust me selina u r better off without him and he is busy with another girl forget about him . I said yes i did i just wanted to be nice thts all he said dear u r good friend and nice person but dont send him a birthday wish card..i said ok i ll follow ur advice.. thats all.. what do u think?
Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 20 2015 at 21:17
Member since: 19 August 2014
Selina, come on, now, use your noddle. If this guy wants you to himself in whatever format then it's in his *interests* to tell you your ex is a d*ck and a two-timing one at that. That doesn't mean you DO send the card, I'm just encouraging you to be a bit more clued up ('guilty until proven innocent'). This friend COULD be right or he could just be saying whatever serves him. I think BOTH these guys are trying to play with your emotions, if you want my honest opinion.

If you liked this friend enough to now or at some point in the future want to return friendship (or, who knows, possibly even more than that?) ('never say never' and all that), I recommend you tell him that you want all talk of your ex to be off-limits from now on and until informed otherwise, please/thank-you. Let's see what he's made of WITHOUT trying to shrink the ex to big himself up, shall we?

But either way, despite for his own personal agenda, he is right about not sending the card because men note ACTIONS, and if you're done with someone in your life then done is as done DOES, which includes no longer/ever again acknowledging their personal biz, such as birthdays.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 20 2015 at 21:51
Member since: 14 September 2015
I dont want more with his friend first of all he is married second i see him as a friend and thats all.. and he swore that he is not telling him anything or giving him any infos about me..he gave me advices and he is so disspointed with my ex behaviors..

All he told me not to wish him happy birthday bcz its useless and he told me he blocked u on fb so why u will email him he is already busy with another girl.let him go i told him im not trying to go back to him i just wanted to be nice nothing else he told me no sis dont do it.. u r lucky that this relationship is over ..i told him yes i know and thx for ur advice then he told me..sis u hv a good heart and u deserve someone better then him.. trust me he gave u a favor when he left u.. and thats all.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 22 2015 at 05:20
Member since: 14 September 2015
Hi again.. after last tchat i had with his best friend now he stopped commenting my post or put likes.

And he stopped texting too.. i really dont understand his behavior .. waiting for u to help me understanding ..thx again

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 22 2015 at 11:52
Member since: 19 August 2014
This friend is MARRIED? Oh my god, his poor wife! Even IF he's not angling for you himself, his fraternising in that manner with a single and available, currently VULNERABLE (to advances) female is *not on*! And never mind what he swore. With you unable to corroborate via the ex, he can tell you anything he damn pleases.

Steer well clear, is my advice.

Saying that, sounds like he's doing that himself...that or trying to make you sit up and take more attention of him - away from the ex - through his sudden, mysterious absence as hooks ones curiosity. No doubt because of what your wondering whether to send a buffday card could mean (not remotely over him yet). After all, YOU might say no hard feelings via a card in this kind of context. But most men don't. If they do it's more often than not simply an excuse to make contact, meaning, he'll be judging you by male standards and concluding that bracketed bit.

So he's either decided you're not a suitable target for any extra-marital flirtation or liaison OR it's a "Where is Spot?" ploy to get you avidly looking out for the next page.

For example, if I right now said to you 'Knock-knock?' and you said 'Who's there?' and I suddenly went quiet, your mind would start itching. And it's this ITCH that has you then watching my space. Because only I have the 'anti-histamine cream'. (Make sense?)

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 22 2015 at 12:28
Member since: 14 September 2015
Yes it make sens really.. anyway im not feeling curiouse to know why he went absent..

Mif he is playing mindgames with me i dont care.. and yes i feel petty for his wife and his kid too becauzz he behave like kids both of them are 43 and act like they r 17 even when i waz 17 i dont remember did what they r both doing.. at first when i met my ex i was 22 he was 39 he showed maturity and kidness then after that he showed me his real face when he intrduice me to his best friend i felt how this friend is so childish and i alwayz told my ex ur friend needs to grow up..but then i realise that both matchs so much..at least his friend was not hididnt that anyway im happy tha yestetday was his birthday and i didnt send him a wish card.thx god :)

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 22 2015 at 23:24
Member since: 14 September 2015
Well now u wont believe it..

Now i saw his profil he is tagging my ex sure i cant see my ex profil but i can see his name..

He is posting and writting old days bro etc...

And he posted a song and wrote for u bro ...

I was chocked really how hypocrite he is

I m thinking seriously to block him

So childish so immaturr and so hypocrite..

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 23 2015 at 22:28
Member since: 19 August 2014
No, I WILL believe it, LOL. I did tell you, they're BOTH trying to hoodwink you (only, this friend of his is a double agent).

Yep, block him, good idea. He's a chocolate teapot where you're concerned, anyway. Plus, it sounds as if the two of THEM are falling in love, doesn't it? ;-D Posting songs for each other? ("Ahhhh...") What's next? Flowers?

Anyway, ONE positive: you've learned a new and useful lesson (in amongst all the others), that on-paper age means diddly-squat if the behaviour isn't congruous. Same as if you plant two identical bulbs in your garden: one might shoot up whilst the other is slower or stays stunted... and yet supposedly they're identical.

Talking of 'vegetables' (:-D): People are like onions. Getting to know them is like peeling off one layer after the other. Some are moreover wholesome and tasty all the way through, some are anywhere between less tasty or downright rotten in the middle. Gotta peel them to find out. Or sample enough onions to learn what other, subtler characteristics that rottenness tends to produce on the outside. Either/or.

HOWEVER! Saying all of that - me, I wouldn't put it past this "friend" to be DELIBERATELY trying to provoke you, merely USING an act of hypocrisy. Not that that's any better, of course. So, yep, block him. Or just ignore him. (Ooh - such tempting choices! LOL)

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 23 2015 at 23:52
Member since: 14 September 2015
Hi again

Yes i ignored him

He was insisting to tchat with me.. once i did it he said no he is not fully back friends with him..

And giving advices bla bla bla

I thought oh waw whats a nice guy

Then he went absent well like a care

2 days after he started tagging my ex putting old songs

And telling him bro old gold days

I dont think that they r falling in love come on

U know what i think now

I think that might my ex talked bulshit about me and told him oyr intimate secrets .. so this stupid friend wants to try to hv an affaire with me..

It can be this way

I dont know

Im just thinking so..

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 26 2015 at 19:23
Member since: 19 August 2014
"and told him oyr intimate secrets .. so this stupid friend wants to try to hv an affaire with me"

At this point it does sound like it, yep.

Oh, well, at least you've seen through it all so - onwards and upwards and "Neeeext!".

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Sep 27 2015 at 16:41
Member since: 14 September 2015
Well i ignored him totaly.. and just 2 days i put a post about ex and what an ex can taught u and i put i wish i never met him..

So after a while a found out that he blocked me..

I was chocked how he said before he doesnt want to loose me as a friend and how he advice me then out of the bleu he blocked me and he blocked me in whatsapp too..

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Oct 7 2015 at 04:39
Member since: 14 September 2015
Hi i see that the last post has been removed .. why?
Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Oct 7 2015 at 19:21
Member since: 19 August 2014
Hi again!

(It was spam disguised as a post.)

Men tend to hide in the long grass known as "let's be friends" in order to keep you open as a potential, later option *plus* if you state on social media that you wish you'd never even MET him, then - what do you expect? Wouldn't you delete him if he'd written that?

Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Oct 8 2015 at 01:28
Member since: 19 August 2014
Oh, wait - have I got the 'hims' mixed up? Were you trying to tell me that this FRIEND blocked you, not the ex bf? If so, then, what you've got there is his friend's 'intercepting' of you having suddenly, newly been shown by said 'wish I'd never' comment as superfluous to ex's (egotistical) requirements. So the conclusion, changes, then: friend WASN'T trying to bag you for yourself, he just wanted you to BELIEVE he was. He was definitely working for bf. And, in amongst other 'intelligence-gathering', ex probably wanted to know how ready you were to flirt or accept advances from other men (to tell him how heartbroken or otherwise you were) and so appointed friend to try veeeery carefully and subtly 'honey trap-ing' you.

VERY manipulative, those two! Two peas in a pod! In fact, they should get married. ;-p

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Oct 8 2015 at 12:02
Member since: 14 September 2015
Well this is what happened exactly i use to post songs pictures or movies and this friend of my ex always comment and put likes.. as i told u.. i decided to ignore him totaly.. after that i posted things about ex's and what we can leanrn from them as bad or good experience.. so after 10 min he blocked me and he blocked me even in whatsapp.. i was chocked..so after 5 days i met a commun friend who happened to work with me in the same company but not in the departement i went to their department to take some paper so i stopped to say hi. And i told this friend what happened he told this person is sp sick and u shouldnt trust him at all .. he went to ur ex and talked rubbish about u and he told him that u said bad things about him and how he mistreated u etc... i was so chocked. I really wanted to contacted my ex to tell him nothing of this happened and i never said bad things about u but then i decided to let it go..

I think that my ex is behind this blocking thing and they were talking about me and stalking me all the time.. i just felt so stupid.i really wanna teach them a good lesson and defind myself.but i always say bad karma will hunt them one day.

Need you advice please
Reply from
SELINA987
on Oct 9 2015 at 21:19
Member since: 14 September 2015
So what do you think shall i contact my ex and defend myself of just let it go?? I neeed ur advice.
Need you advice please
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Oct 14 2015 at 12:55
Member since: 19 August 2014
Sorry for the wait, Selina, I've been off ill.

Re your posting about lessons learned: I imagine what stuck out, more than any actual content, was the term 'ex'. Plus the act of posting that in the first place screams, Over It, because it's what one does when one has been through the whole grief process and landed at Acceptance where things are seen as being firmly in the past.

But you can't really take on board what another colleague from a different dept. might have to say about this friend or the whole affair. He might have some old axe to grind with him. For starters, *IF* this friend had been spouting nasty rumours to your then-boyfriend which this colleague had either witnessed, overheard or later been made privy to, how come he wasn't as oh-so-helpful at the time in rushing round to your dept to warn you or even ensuring to pass it along the department grapevine? Why only now - what would be different about any consequences?

It's easy for him to say at this point when you're broken up and (as you'd undoubtedly just informed him) no longer having any contact whatsoever, isn't it, because that tells him you'd have no way to corroborate or verify whatever he chose to tell you. More to the point, why would your bf have listened instead of trusting his own, better educated opinion about you and what you're like? Or even confronted you about it at the first opportunity himself? No, I think it's more post-splat self-justification attempt, as in, 'It was her fault we split, not mine, because I heard it on good authority that she was going behind my back, saying/doing this/that/the other horrid thing'. Most people tend to see through that nonsense. Indeed, regardless of whether this other dept. colleague is telling the truth or using the situation to his advantage in spreading rumours about the disliked go-between friend/colleague - certainly he sees through your ex's face-saver attempt.

Since you don't even want to get back with him, I don't think there's any need to put him straight - due to the reason you point out (Fate being the one to get them) (WHICH it does - every time, just a matter of time!). Let the poor pea-brain work it out for himself in hindsight (if there even IS anything to work out, that is). He will.

As for you: you ended it. That doesn't make you stupid, does it, quite the opposite. Oh, you may THINK he was the one ended it, but I reckon that was just a ploy to get the upper hand by rendering you apt to chase him back and thereafter be forevermore braced for the next guillotine to come down, thereby permanently too insecure to assert yourself and your needs in case you ever triggered it back into action. You were the one made it real and final by 'shutting up shop' (zero contact). I.e. having sampled the strength of his dark side, you dismantled the guillotine, climbed off the execution platform altogether and walked off over the horizon until you were just a speck. Hence his having had to elect a 'loudhailer-on-legs'.

No, they TRIED to manipulate you but you took yourself moreover too out of reach, meaning - big fat FAIL. :-)

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?