How to handle ur husband with inlaws
hi this suchismita frm orissa.i am staying with my inlaws with my husband.my husband wants to give me all d happiness n he is giving me more importance than his father n mother. he doesn't care them as step mother is there n he has also a younger sister who is not his own.she is her step mothers daughter. but his own sister is the there in delhi .my husband is very silent kind of person. ..so for me it's very difficult to manage mother in law n my husband as they r not talking to each other but mother in law is not a bad person. she is loving n caring. .my father in law is a very good human being.my husband wants me not to mingle with them I hav to listen to him as he knows his step mother n her daughter very well more than me. ...I know her younger sister is very money minded girl. ...she is a characterless girl n she has a boyfriend..she is big lier also....n she has misbehaved me so many times. ...she doesn't respect elders. but sometime she cares me..so In that case wt to do as my husband don't want to stay with them n forcing me not to leave with them. ..he want to take separate house n stay ...so in that case wt to do n how to handle kindly guide me.
Sounds like he resents his mother-in-law and her daughter but keeps in contact because that's where his real sister lives.
Why do YOU have to handle anything? That - and whether it's done kindly - is up to him, isn't it?
its very difficult for me to manage bcoz all d time my husband is not talking to them directly he is telling me.....husband step mother n sister they are very bad means they don't like my husband. The situation is coming all d time like I they r blaming me always that m wrong. ..there is a huge communication gap between him n his step mother sometime his sister proving me wrong as u hav done all mistakes. I don't want to see their face all d time.somehow in feel like leave this house. They don't live each other. ...If any negatively coming to me wt to do ....kindly show me the way...
Are you saying he uses you as a verbal go-between messenger (as in, 'Mummy? Daddy says, please pass the salt') and that this step mother and sister are trying to blame YOU for his decision against talking to them, etc? A decision that was made wholly unilaterally on his part, since which he's refused to be swayed by you?
Well, that's hugely unjust, isn't it. How galling.
Have you not just TOLD them that you've tried advocating on his behalf to no avail? Or do you think they must KNOW it's nothing to do with you but that if they keep making you believe they however much blame YOU for it then you'll feel compelled to keep trying to win him round for them in order to prove them wrong?
That desperate scraping-the-barrel brand of emotional blackmail sounds about typical to me in this sort of scenario so if I were you I would just put my foot down with a very firm statement, along the lines of: "LOOK, you two, I'm nothing to do with why he's not talking to you - I don't even KNOW why because he refuses to explain, even to me - so I resent you persistently trying to say otherwise. Never mind just illogical, it's downright offensive when I'm the only one trying to play mediator and behaving like a grown-up around here. If I'm going to get nothing but BASHED for my conscientious concern and endeavours then I'm just going to bow out completely and let you two and he sort it out yourselves, like you SHOULD be doing'.
Unfortunately, though, it's your husband's perfect right not to have to associate with them. For all you know, there's a lot of history behind this latest situation which you weren't around for, meaning, for all you know he's RIGHT to take this stance with them. It might even be long overdue. Unfortunately again, it's also a spouses right to expect his spouse to be loyal to him.
What ISN'T his right, though, is to allow to continue the kind of set-ups and scenarios that leave you constantly caught in the middle, taking their flack. So if he's going to cold-shoulder them he should do it PROPERLY or, conversely, if he's going to communicate with them he should do THAT properly - which means not doing that childish 'tell her to pass the salt'/'tell him we said get the salt yourself!' nonsense. What does he (and they) think you are - DHL?!
It's his war. Refuse to be dragged into it whilst simultaneously refusing to be coerced away from demonstrating automatic yet regretful, "nothing personal" allegiance with him.