My gf now marrying some1 else
Me and my gf were in a kind of relationship for last 2years.
M 21 years old and she is 25. I used to drop her office pick her n do everything 4 her.
Now she is saying that our age does not match and she is marrying some1 else. M really feel shattered now.i gav her my all but she did not loved me back. N now she is marrying.
Plz tell wat shud i do? Plz help.m shattered.
She can't be saying your 'ages' don't match just because the on-paper numbers differ, surely? Otherwise, how come that age-gap didn't stop her from dating you for as long as she did? So is what you're actually saying, without saying: she wanted the relationship to develop and undergo the usual promotions and salary raises but you didn't or or didn't know whether or wanted that process to go a lot more slowly so that you could first finish enjoying your carefree years?
It may not be that she doesn't love you. It may be that her ovaries love the idea of her sprogging, more. She is 25, after all. And never under-estimate the pull of the maternal instinct.
Answer those and then this: What do YOU think a grown man in your situation would do?
Sir now i dont knw wat to do? She calls me n talks to me about her marriage even though she knows how much i lov her? I feel like i should commit suicide..
Just now she texted me dat its all my fault..i shud not hav expectations..as she is elder to me..
I really dont knw wat to do now? As i lov her endlessly i gave my all to her n now she is marryimg some1 else..
I feel shattered..plz help..i feel like crying..
I feel like everything has finished..plz help
Was that Sir now or So now?
You didn't mention that she was either intermittently or regularly calling you (which?) and re-flicking your love nerves so that you'd be incapable of getting over her and moving on. Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice... I wonder why she'd even be BOTHERED, considering she's supposedly found the love of her life? Sour grapes and her wanting to gloat in your face as if to say, 'See, see, it *wasn't* me, it was you, nyeah-nyeah!'? There wouldn't BE any sour grapes if this guy were indeed her "One", think about it - she'd be too busy being GRATEFUL you and she didn't work out, and grateful TO you (as well as too busy luxuriating in the relationship and its perks).
So clearly, evidently, he is NOT. Either that or/AND this woman is neither as mature as she'd like to allege NOR a nice person when you get down to it (i.e. a position where she's nothing to either gain or lose). True colours, in other words.
Feel like you should commit suicide? Tsk! Stop talking nonsense. What do you think your eventual Ms Right would say if she heard you saying stuff like that? She'd blow-dry your hair for being so selfish and short-sighted, that's what! ...Well, I'll let you off, given that you said FEEL like.
If you feel like crying, CRY. What do you think those little holes in the corner of your top and bottom eyelids are for anyway? Decoration? You poo, don't you? Or do you hold that in as well? What do you think would happen to your state of health if you did?
Here's the reality:
1. She's being a cruel and nasty COW.
2. If you gave her your all then what's she got to be so bitter about?
3. Assuming you DID give her your all then she is NOT 'bitter' but a specimen with a very unhealthy ego and low self-esteem who couldn't handle whatever sense of rejection she took from the relationship (which could simply be the fact that it/she failed). Alternatively, maybe she's just using excuses in order to be and stay bitter so that said bitterness itself serves to convince her she's made the right choice rather than a horrible mistake AND/OR was always using you as a mere stop-gap but now feels guilty for having led you up the garden path and can't handle that guilt unless she projects it onto you. The latter is called demonization.
Whatever/whichever, by any sane stretch of a sane and healthy person's imagination, she is being unnecessarily nasty. COMPLETELY. So how do you feel about the thought of having had to spend the rest of your days with someone who is now perfectly willing to reveal how she's the type that creates trouble and then points the finger and dumps the uncomfortable sensation of a huge sense of guilt AND POWERLESSNESS at her partner? After all, if you're not at fault then there's nothing you can do to REMOVE that guilt, meaning, you're forced to live with it forever. Bit like never getting to do a badly-needed poo, eh!
You dodged a bullet.
But more to the point: given this new and highly revealing information as should make all thoughts of reconciliation with the REAL her anathema to you, why are you even picking up to her when she calls and texts? Why don't you block her number?
Thereafter, if you want help with re-strengthening, genuinely, in record time then tell me what you tend to do when it comes to exams. Do you revise in manageable bits in plenty of time in the run-up or or are you a last-minute crammer?
Thamku sir..it helped a lot..
But now a days..i fear..wat if she gets married and after her marriage she stays in my neighbour only? Or wat of i hav to face her daily after her marriage?
I know these are only possibilities but thoughts like these come in mind regularly and i get stressed.
Actually i tried last nyt once again by callimg her but she did not received my call..may b now she is happy in her own world.
I am really shattered by all these.i kmw callimg her or begging in front of her is never a solution but still i cant control bcoz always dere is a hope in my heart dat may b she will understamd!
All those foolish thoughts come in my mind time and again and it really hurts me more.I try not to think of her but still it is she who is always in my mind.
How can i solve dis? I m really worried.I just cant handle all dis. I feel like crying all day long.
Plz help n tell wat shud i do now?
Do you have any good basis for suspecting she'd remain living in your neighbourhood after marriage or that your paths would have to daily cross even if she did?
I imagine she'd want to give you a very wide berth, just in case her husband were with her. After all, she's given you false impressions so I'm betting she's done likewise with her fiance, meaning, she'd probably rather stick needles in her eyes than ever allow the possibility of you and he ever meeting and comparing notes. There again, she doesn't sound like she has yet acquired the adult qualities for succeeding a relationship beyond the point of impermanence so... I wouldn't hold my breath listening out for wedding bells. I think you can relax on that score on either count.
Re the call: Are you saying she's blocked your number or that she just didn't pick up?
But why did you try to phone her in the first place? You're not really helping yourself, are you? Understand WHAT? She's not INTERESTED in reality. How can one understand a reality from marrying ones own viewpoint (hers) with another's (yours) and then finding the truth in the middle if you're unwilling to face your own reality to start with? It's a futile exercise, certainly while you and she are still in the immediate aftermath, nerves still raw.
The sooner you accept this relationship is in the past - because YOU want or need it to be - the sooner and faster you can get through your then short-ish period of grieving and the sooner you'll be once again ripe for a new, BETTER relationship (which natural upgrading is involuntary and automatic). Or you might find you're enjoying having a relationship with YOURSELF and being single for a while.
There is everything to be gained by deciding the relationship is over for you and nothing whatsoever to lose by it. It is not unheard of in this world for those couples who split up yet, really, underneath it all, shouldn't have to however long afterwards reconcile (yet start a *new* relationship on a better footing). In fact, it brings any such inevitable (if that's what it is) around far faster.
If non-productive, negative thoughts keep bombarding then spiralling around your mind, you need to find pleasing or at least mentally engaging distractions. She'll have left a gap, and it's that GAP being 'sat' there that is making you feel so bad. You're panicking and struggling. Set about filling it as quickly and enthusiastically as possible. Then, if as stated, you and she *are* destined to be a couple, because she comes back this time willing to be sensible and cooperative, all you'll have to do is make a space for her, just like you had to back when first you began dating and getting serious. But having beforehand grieved for the RELATIONSHIP is what will leave you stronger and more ready to stick up for yourself and not accept untoward expectations and behaviour.
What will help leave you in a frame of mind that's receptive to finding diverting things to do/places to go/people to see is if you allow yourself to cry until your body naturally comes to a stop, rather than you trying to fight against the urge all the time. Crying is a form of mental urinating/defecating, except what you're discharging is negative brain chemistry - FACT! This is one of the reasons WHY men take longer to get over a relationship or never actually manage it other than shoving the memories to the back of their minds. The only thing that doesn't decompose when you bury it is PAIN. So don't bury it so that it can re-surface one day ("baggage"), just wear dark glasses and, if asked, claim to have an eye infection or whatever else which makes your eyes temporarily over-sensitive to the light.
If, on the other hand, you find regular bouts of crying until you can't cry any longer STILL don't leave you feeling daily bit-by-bit better, then it may be that you need the help of a counsellor or a short course of anti-depressants to act as a springboard back to anywhere between neutrality or calm contentedness or downright good spirits.
For now, because you're naturally deifying her, I'd like you to make a list of all hers and the relationship's bad points. Include things she'd typically say or do that would either hurt and upset you, offend you, frustrate you, make smooth-running and -operating difficult, or downright get right on your nerves to where you'd be thinking to yourself, 'I wish she wasn't so this/that, I'd enjoy this relationship so much more were it not for X/Y/Z'.
See if you can come up with 10 things?