I have been married for 13 years and together with my wife for 15 years. We have 3 children together and have been happy for the most part. I have caught her in a few lies over the years. But nothing too seriouse. I think our love is gone not sure where it went or what happened but we never joke with each other anymore and are always frustrated with one another. Never to the point of physical abuse or mental but we do not get along. How do we get back to where we are friends again any suggestions. I am in the dark with a candle that went out and can not find my way. I know if we were able to make this work and have so many picutes and good times than we should be able to again. As the years went on we have said things to each other and have a hard time of letting go of the past problems we had. When we argue the past always comes up! How do we get back to where we are happy with each other again. From a Husands perspective how do I win her over again?
What is the purpose of that union? Are you in it for a specific purpose? What specific purpose? Or are you in it to repose from a pressure? I have heard people wanting to marry because they desire to have children. To me that is the purpose of the marriage and that means the marriage ends when the purpose is met when the children have arrived. One thing you need to settle with your partner before marriage is the purpose of the marriage because that determines the longevity of the marriage. I advice that you and your partner give your marriage a new purpose of companionship.
If the past keeps getting flung during arguments and disagreements then the conclusion is simple: the underlying problems as caused said clashes never got properly sorted thus filed away a deux for use as future-preventative experience or something to laugh about. And with THAT the case, old resentment - the No. 1 killer of positive feelings and romance/sex - is undoubtedly at work. That and exhaustion from having three-THREEEEE KIDS! (What - you have no telly? LOL)
Two DIY choices:
1. Arrange (trusted) babysitters (family/grandparents are best) and whisk she and you away for a relaxing, please-yourselves weekend (kid conversation not allowed), somewhere she's always wanted to go (or somewhere *any* woman would want to go).
2. Arrange a short course of 'housekeeping' type counselling so that you and she can finally hash things out in a warm, controlled environment with a trained referee and get said baggage off your backs forever.
Sorry - THREE choices:
3. BOTH. ;-)
Thereafter, do all the little but meaningful wooing things you used to. Anything that comes under the banner of Thoughtfulness and Considerateness. Or grander gestures spaced out. Either/or/mixture. And try this golden question: "You a happy bunny this week?".
Although, why are you even asking this question about how to win her over again? How did you manage to bag her in the first place? What - threw yourself accidentally-on-purpose down the stairs, knowing she was a nurse? LOL Or did you trip her up and, quick as a flash, manage to get yourself down prone on the ground before she did?
Seriously, though, what did you do?