Can a marriage survive without sex and passion
So, I am 27 and married for 2 years to a handsome, intelligent and a good hearted man. Even when we got married, we knew that we were not too attracted to each other, but I thought it would change after marriage..I was terribly wrong..we are more like friends..he cares for me and is a good man but he is not attracted to me in a sexual way..we have hardly had sex couple of time this 2 years that too lik a duty..we never french kiss or foreplay..absolutely nothing sexual or passionate..but we cuddle md play like kids on bed..i love him as a person nd m so comfortable with him..but deep down m hurt badly that I live a passionless marriage nd I badly need one..what should I do? Should I leave all the gud friendship..understanding that we have for passion? Btw I have spoken to him about my need..he initially consulted doctor nd all physical reports came fine and they recommended him for therapy..but he refused to go and he said this is how he is..he doesn't need any sex and he gets pisd even if I talk about a passionate kiss and mention not..he turns me down everytime I initiate anything sexual or passionate..but otherwise he takes care of me and loves me. What should I do
I was sexually attracted to my wife, and she was sexually attracted to me.
That held our marriage together for about 5 minutes. But while she was sexually attracted to me, she was also sexually attracted to other men, which led to over 2,000 outside the marriage episodes in a 16 year span of our 36 year marriage.
She was sexually abused, and did not have an "off" switch. So you have all good feelings for one another, but no sex. We had all sex, but no strong feelings for one another. So, neither one of those is good.
Half the women writing here are complaining about their husbands being sexually attracted to other women, on the net, in person, etc. I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice if you and your husband were attracted to each other, but that could be a double-edged sword, in that, some people are not just attracted to each other, they're attracted to sex.
How does he get sex satisfaction? Does he pleasure himself? Is he a monk? Do you live in a monistary? If he pleasures himself, does he look at stuff on the net? Is he attracted to females? Is he attracted to males? Did he ever have a girlfriend before you? Did they ever kiss or anything?
Did you ever have a boyfriend before him? Did you ever kiss or anything? Prior to marriage, did you and your husband ever kiss, have any form of sex?
How do you pleasure yourself with no help from him? Would he would enjoy watching that as a form of sex?
Do I need to come over there?
Thanks for your reply. Yes I agree anything beyond a limit is not good. In my case, yes, I have has boyfriends before marriage and have kissed them etc and I believe he had been sexually active too (at least what he had told me so), but now he says he just don't feel like it and doesn't pleasure himself too.
Also, I know he is not getting it from anywhere else, cuz the way he genuinely loves and cares for me is seen in his eyes and he is always around me and I am sure he is not seeking it anywhere else but is unwilling to get medical help too. In the other hand, I need romantic passion in life, but I don't want to cheat and it breaks my heart to leave him for this reason cuz he is a goof man and I don't wanna hurt him. I am stuck
Well, if he was sexually active before your marriage, has something happened? Is he depressed? But you said prior to the marriage, you two weren't int. in each other to start with.
You said, "Even when we got married, we knew that we were not too attracted to each other, but I thought it would change after marriage..I was terribly wrong..we are more like friends."
You say, "he is not attracted to me in a sexual way..we have hardly had sex couple of time this 2 years that too lik a duty..we never french kiss or foreplay..absolutely nothing sexual or passionate..but we cuddle md play like kids on bed."
So, you've had sex 2 times in two years. Since you cuddle on the bed, and you play like kids, could he use a vibrator on you. That would satisfy you, and he should he would be happy you were satisfied. You might say, that's just sex, but you since you like the guy, and he's having trouble, maybe you could try some story of substitute deal. Lower your standards to try to improve the situation to try to get something going.
As a senior citizen, I would kill for a chance to do that with a woman. And for me, it wouldn't be a step down, it would be a step up from nothing. I would tickle the heck out of me, even if I couldn't have regular sex with that same woman.
Also, know it was making her happy, would make me happy. Can he get an erection? If he can't, a strap on dildo could do the trick. Yeah, I've thought of that, too, for myself, if I could ever find a woman. But I've thought of "substitute" things for me, should Miss Wonderful come down the street, and would be willing to help me in these areas.
If he can't get an erection, I know for a fact that there are devices that put more oxygen around the organ, or something like that, which in I'll guess 75% of the cases, can help with the erection.
Look on the net search engine, for "erection devices" or something like that. Look on the net search for websites that deal in sexual problems, and see what they say.
Look on the search engine for "sexual problems" such as psychological, depression, etc. There could also be a stimulant from the health food store that could help with sex for guys. I think I tried vitamin E years ago and it helped. Call your local health food store, or look on the net, and ask about health food sexual stimulants.
In the post below this one, I'll paste a column on being positive before trying to solve a problem. It has helped me.
Here below is the column on being positive, that I mentioned above, that has helped me.
Unconsciously, I was negative and didn't know it because it was in my uncon., but for some reason I had difficulty solving problems.
When I came across this col. below, on being positive going into a problem, I knew what my problem had been: con., I wanted to solve the problem, but uncon., I was neg., and until the 2 parts of my brain could work together, I wasn't going to solve a lot of problems.
This col. helped me to train my uncon. to be positive. Prior to my next problem, I said to myself, just read this col. first. The problem is not the problem. The problem is your uncon. neg.
So I read the col. first, and by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem, by first clearing my uncon. of neg. When away from the col., and I had a problem, I would say to myself, "Think positive, think positive...." again, trying to clear the neg. from my uncon.
Here's the col. below.
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and
attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
"Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”