Baby mama drama
So I have a problem I been with this guy for almost five years . I knew when I got with him he had a little girl and the baby mama was still in the little girls life. Well over the years my bfs parents always choose her over me but I don't understand cuz when I first got with him they talked bad about her and said she did drugs wit his son and she was a bad person. But now all of a sudden they are all buddy buddy they even call his baby mama daughter ! And u know for a while I didn't say nothing jus smiled. But recently it got worse she says I am mean to her and won't let her talk to her baby daddy but I swear I never done that ! I do hate that they text but idk anymore. We are suppose to get married in October this year but his parents don't even ask me wat happened they never cared for me. N ii feel they shud be grateful I help their son quit drugs and he has cheated on me but I still stayed but this is a while back. I jus don't know y I get the shit end of the stick plz help me someone ?
Heyy HAZELGRACE what does your man say when they act this way towards you? The reason why the baby mama acts like that might be because she's jealous, and the reason why his parents act like that might be because they feel as if they have no ties to you. Do you guys have any kids?
I know you might be tensed by what is going on with you now but I have a suggestion for you which might seem absurd but it would seriously make you happy in a long run..
The suggestion is that I think you should move on with your life. This guys hasn't taken your side till now so seems that he isn't interested in you anymore. No doubt that you changed him for good but the way he changed has made his parents and his baby mama like him. Now what you must think it as a good deed to the person and go ahead.
Moreover they have a daughter so according to me their chances of accepting you whole heartedly are very less.
I am sorry to say all this but its true.
Yes, I'm afraid I agree with MELANINQUEEN and BUDD7. They're pandering to the ex-'wife' (pretending they like her) who clearly still has issues over the 'divorce', because otherwise they fear (and it is a very real as well as widely-founded fear) that they could end up permanently cut off from their one-and-only grandchild.
It's the grandbaby they love and want, not the ex-missus. Her, they're just 'using' and duping. And sadly, types like his ex do tend to use the children as pawns as well as hold them to ransom.
Your 'husband' would have his own, similar fears when it comes to being allowed to enjoy his regular paternal custody, unimpeded. 'The hand that rocks and cradle' and all that.
However, they're taking it too far if they in the process allow you to believe that neither they nor he care as much about you as they should.
BUDD is right, your 'husband' should be your defender and advocate. He probably doesn't have a clue how to handle such a potentially incendiary situation so would rather do nothing and just wait for the ex to find a man of her own, lose her bitterness and calm the hell down (finally!).
With these issues still very much in the fore, he - or the situation he's in - clearly isn't ready for marriage any time soon because that would just equate to your being dragged into this issue-ridden set-up not of your doing. I would postpone the wedding, if I were you, and insist on couples counselling straight away. A counsellor can, amongst everything else, advise him on how he and his parents should be handling this tricky situation so that you and your importance don't constantly come off as undermined. That or a family mediator.
It's very short-sighted of his parents, however, because for all they know you might be about to fall pregnant yourself, which would mean they'd be securing one grandchild whilst in the process risking directly sacrificing any future contact with the as-yet-unborn one, meaning this pandering campaign of theirs can only backfire at some inevitable point. However, those who are under that kind of chronic emotional duress don't TEND to have far-sighted-ness in their mental toolboxes. So they probably need to accompany you to counselling as well. It is a family matter, after all, right?
I'm sure they ARE grateful for your loyalty and care towards their son but don't dare show it too much (or at all) in case the jealous ex gets wind of it and starts, as I say, playing Coventry by denying them visits with the baby. Unfortunately, whilst you're sat there saying nothing and merely putting on a convincingly brave face, you're making this all too easy for them. They can assuage their guilty consciences by reminding themselves that since you seem not to mind a jot, that must mean you wholly appreciating the rock and hard place they're in and perfectly prepared to 'play along' and tolerate it.
So you've got two choices: demand said counselling, either just the two of you or all four; or sit all three down and explain how hurtful and belittling it is for them to be behaving as they are towards you instead of acknowledging your status (as successor) and demonstrating how much they value and appreciate you.
Sorry - THREE choices. You can simply bow out altogether on the basis of neither he nor his parents being relationship-ready and let THEM work out a solution. In order to persuade you back.