Please help this 19-year-old introvert
This is my first post, so forgive me if its in the wrong section.
Well, I'll put it as simply as I can, and I really hope someone else can be of help to me:
So I'm a 19-year-old high school graduate of 2014, and I'm already on my second year of community college (which is a breath of fresh air compared to the rabble of HS), and my birthday is coming up on the 25th..but I think it's really time I addressed the problem instead of keeping it in all the time: I get REALLY sad around this time, and I mean REALLY sad. The reason is simple, but it really hits hard for me. It's mainly the simple fact that once I was out of High School, I was left with no friends (well, physical ones), and It's been eating away at me ever since..
Like, even in HS I never even had that group of friends that I would hang out with outside of school. Just one really, (I'll call him "Mike") but he's hardly ever in my state because he's in the Marines. Now I did have many aquaintences that I would hang out with DURING school, but trust me when I say this, I would NEVER have them over at my house. Mike is one of the only "normal" people I've known since my entry of public school to be honest. So only seeing my family over at my birthdays just reminds me of how somewhat alone I am. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love them, but it's the fact that I'm introverted is what makes me so mad at these kinds of situations.
Kids my age want to drink, smoke, party, etc. And I seriously have no attraction to these things. I've been called an "old soul" for a reason. For a person my age, I've been called pretty classy in a sense. I seriously have no envy of most kids my age. I find more comfort out of alone time, as most (Like my brother) would want to kill themselves if they spent enough time alone as I have. I suppose that's completely all right since that's my thing, but there's always been Times where I wished I had that group of friends to go out and do stuff with. And it irks me because I've known people very similar to myself that have twice as many friends as I do, but they're generally not people I would want to know. This was back in high school, so please don't say "get to know these people you know ", because it's too late for that now.
The difference between me and Mike, is that he has a more outgoing personality than I do. He hangs out with these other undesirable people I've known in my four years of high school, and he's always bugged me about why I don't go out with them. He'll say, "let's go to the city" for instance. I always decline because I seriously have no idea what the hell we would be doing there. On top of the fact that I just don't trust the people he hangs out with (punk,goth, shifty ppl). So it's been a real mess, because I don't think it's fully around the fact that I am introverted, but it's that I can't find any normal people to be friend, and I've sort of been known to attract A weirder crowd. I have a touch of the social anxiety, so it always feels like I have every eye in the world looking at me when I make the simplest remarks to strangers, or just people I plain don't know. I avoid conversation, group activities, or really just being near any talkative people in fear that they'll strike up something with me. But unlike others, I sincerely wish being with others was my "high" unlike mine, which is being alone and keeping to myself.
I have absolutely nothing witty to say, nothing funny to remark to new people. Just blank answers and hoping they are the ones that break the ice.
So that's my first, and biggest problem. And I hope that you can help me, whoever you are.
The second one is short, and derives off the first: i'm in dire need of money, and need a job.
I had one job in a home Decore store as a stock worker. It was my first job and it was one of the most terrible experiences I have ever gone through. I worked there four months until it was too much on me, and I quit with as much money I could take. It turned me off of retail forever, but it's time for me to find a new one, and as you know, I'm introverted. Regular jobs like food service and retail are definitely not going to be on my list. My first job almost had my family after the corporate offices, because of the way other employees treated me. In fact I almost got into my first fight there with a 30-year-old man. So yes, it was that bad.
My parents are very frustrated with me because the job search is a little bit painful for me, because I fear of something similar happening to me again. I've been looking tirelessly for jobs that are based around working individually, or alone, but I've had no luck so far.
Does anybody have any tips for that? And thank you
As far as the job search goes, I understand you don't want a job where you would be surrounded by many people. At your age, its extremely difficult to find a job you would enjoy as far as isolation goes. Unfortunately, my best advice to you is bite the bullet and get the first job that comes along. When you get there, just go in, do your job, report any employees that give you a hard time, and remember that you are there to make money and, sadly, this is what you have for now. You can always keep looking for your desired job and continue your education.
The friend situation: I will tell you that I had the same problem when I was 19, that was almost 2 years ago, just to give you some perspective. I lost contact with all my friends and refused to leave my house. I also dropped out of college because I was going to school full time and working a full time job. Some people can do it, I was not one of those people. Are there any people you speak to at school? Maybe someone that strikes up conversation that hasn't broken through your barrier yet? Try conversing with more people that way, strike up some small talk and see where it goes. And these friends that "Mike" has, maybe give them a chance, at least. People are always going to do things you don't fully agree with but that doesn't make them bad people. You said they were Goths and punks? I will be honest, I am a Goth and I have been judged on the way I dress. People avoid me, and its sad because they don't know who I am. The worst I do is smoke cigarettes, trying to quit. Point is that although the way people dress and the small quirks they have, such as smoking cigarettes or marijuana or drinking alcohol, does not fully define their personality. Whether or not you agree with these actions, you can't change people to fit your needs. As long as those actions don't rule their lives, like alcoholics or druggies, they are probably not bad people. If you want to truly make friends, there are things you just have to accept but don't let them change who you are. Also, there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. If you are comfortable with you and what your doing, then you are living happy and well. Its a shame that society forces social interaction, believing its the only thing that can make you happy. Social anxiety is real. I have a friend with it and, besides me, she only has one other close friend. Your number of friends doesn't define you, how comfortable you are with yourself can. I hope this helped you, good luck.
"Kids my age want to drink, smoke, party, etc."
I take it what you actually mean is, do those things TOO MUCH/PREDOMINANTLY.
Correction, kids YOUR age *don't*. You're an old soul, you said so yourself. So keep trying to find birds of your same feather to flock with, whatever life arenas they might be spread around in. It does take a while to find them (whereas school 'brings them to you'). But don't let just one office of idiots have you concluding that all offices are like that. An office is only as good as its people and whether those are the same feather as the people at the top who set the whole tone, etc.
News for you: EVERYONE is weird, just in differing ways. Find the type of weird you like and either matches or compliments your own particular brand. As for bullying: Simplified life rule: "Happy people are nice people/Nice people are happy people / Miserable people are nasty people/Nasty people are miserable people". And that's all there ever is to it.
Corporation. Nuff said. RARELY a hot-house of happiness, the set-up itself does tend to be non-conducive, on the whole. Plus, due to their vast layout, lots of "long grass" (nooks and crannies and corridors) for over-competitives and bullies to hide in and operate from unchecked. Try only small-to-medium, independently-owned companies, particularly open-plan where the boss sits in with the workers, and where everyone who works there does so because they're mad about that particular brand of business/creativity. The less mainstream, therefore, the better because you tend not to get people just wanting a pay-check and nothing more stimulating or involving than that.
Sounds like a visit to a careers' adviser or job centre is in order, as well.
Other than that, handing you back to LIVINGLOST95 because she sounds like she's on your wavelength.