Don't know my role on this
So my story is long. We've been together for 8 years have a son who's 2. After our son was born we broke up due to not wanting to move with him in his family household, we talked about getting our own place getting and even buying rather than renting. We agreed of working it out and being bf/gf. Didn't really work out he soon would think I was with someone else but I wasn't he got fed up and started to date his best friends past ex. I didn't believe he was with someone already cause we would still be intimate. The. About two months after I went through his phone and found out everything was true. When he finally decided to tell me why he called it off with her he pretty much didn't want to deal with the the same problems he had before and start again with someone else. He also told me if its meant to be with us it will happen he would also say when the time is right he'll ask me to be his gf again. A year after it happened and we were a couple again however it didn't last long he went though some stuff and realized I was wasn't there for him although I was but he pushed me away from it and made me feel like I shouldn't care. Told me that he'll still be here for the baby and I and to count on him for help. I questioned him and asked what are we then? I would always argue with him because I would say and still say we're just two people who happened to have a kid. It's been two months since he broke off the relationship and we're dealing with a few sexual issues. He thinks I only give him sex twice a month (I don't count apparently he does) I have an issue with my weight and makes me feel like I disgust him. Now I'm not over weight I'm average with a little bulge and it makes me feel really insecure. We haven't really talked much just about today when he said that he's always saying I don't care but in reality he does and he also said "do whatever you want to do" it's been a third night that he's gone out and it just makes me feel as if he's already with someone. I asked if he's seeing someone else and just said "yeah right" as I'm at his house with our son I've just been crying cause I don't know what to do should I just leave and stop hurting myself , should I seek therapy cause it's breaking me? I feel as if I can be depressed. ( sorry but I'm in tears and I'm on my phone. A lot of grammar errors. Please any advice could help. I don't speak much to anyone about my problems.
You don't say what kind of a father he is, but for sure, he is not able to be a BF, much less a husband. How old is he? It seems you have TWO children!
He wants his cake and eat it too. Huh? In the meantime, there you are with all the responsibility and feeling neglected and used.
Of course - seek counseling. You have a child who needs a stable, happy mom. Do that for your child.
Oh dear, is right.
Are you living now with him and his family?
It does sound like a rough situation. It was one I was in with my wife.
It was smart of you to write. Can you get an education and a job to perhaps live on your own with the baby?
What field of work would you like to be in?
Can you get counseling, with a male or female counselor, your choice?
Keep letting us know how you're doing.
Below are some things which have helped me, one is a column on being positive which helped me a lot.
(can get the tune for this by typing in “melodies” on net search engine)
You'll Never Walk Alone"
When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark
Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk, you'll never walk alone
some favorite sayings
“And you’ll find that you’ll recover from fate’s hardest slam, if you never say die, say damn.”
Your Present Situation is Not Your Final Destination
by Kevin Ngo
-- Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. –Amelia Earhart
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb
-- I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. –Stephen Covey
--You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher Columbus
--Ships are safe in the harbor, but that’s not what they’re made for.
-- “We have crossed the Rubicon,” ancient military leader whose army cannot now turn back once it has crossed this river.
--“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison
-- “If not this, what? If not us, who? If not now, when?”
~ Kennedy, John F. ~
51. If you’re going through hell, keep going – Winston Churchill.
52. Feelings come and feelings go. There is no need to fear them and no need to crave them. Let them come, and then let them go. No feeling is your permanent reality, no matter how intense it is.
53. No matter what, no matter how, where or who - you can almost always turn around and get a second chance - Anony-mouse.
54. When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us – Alexander Graham Bell.
The person you have to defeat is the person you have to look at in the mirror every morning.
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. "
~ Helen Keller
”Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."
~ William James
19. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing – Helen Keller.
65. I’ve developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time – Charlie Brown
Here below is the column on being positive, that has helped me. Unconsciously, I was negative and didn't know it because it was in my uncon., but for some reason I had difficulty solving problems.
When I came across this col. below, on being positive going into a problem, I knew what my problem had been: con., I wanted to solve the problem, but uncon., I was neg., and until the 2 parts of my brain could work together, I wasn't going to solve a lot of problems.
This col. helped me to train my uncon. to be positive. Prior to my next problem, I said to myself, just read this col. first.
The problem is not the problem. The problem is your uncon. neg.
So I read the col. first, and by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem, by first clearing my uncon. of neg.
When away from the col., and I had a problem, I would say to myself, "Think positive, think positive...." again, trying to clear the neg. from my uncon.
Here's the col. below.
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and
attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
"Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”
He is 32 yrs and I am 27 yrs. yes I do feel used. I don't know what to do. Currently I'm living with my parents but sometimes I stay over his house. As he dropped off the baby today he again went out for drinks on a Sunday night. I texted him telling him how I feel that I am just taking the hike I can't continue to hurt myself and him. He told me to do whatever I want cause apparently I do it whatever I want and I told him the same thing since I should be getting the picture and need to walk away and move on. You're right I can't be like this I need to be ok and raise my son and this is not the way if his own father is messing with my mind and feelings.