My girlfriend is pregnant, may not be mine
I'm 20 years old, I'm a guy (obviously), and I may have ruined my life. Here's why;
My girlfriend and I started dating December 18, 2014. Things went great until around Febuary. She was so angry and bitter towards everyone and everything. She still is. She would take her anger out on me, but I was so blinded by "love" that I looked the other way. In April, she went to a party while I was at work (yes, here we go with the party-girl crap) and drank, smoked fake weed and took 3/4 of xanax, also known as a bar. She asked me to come when I got off, and I did. Her ex was there too. She smoked right in front of me and was up his ass. So I left. The next morning, she told me she kissed him. She swears they didn't go any further, but why should I believe that? She told me about the bars the same morning. About a month after I forgave her (again, blinded by "love"), she came up pregnant. We had sex regularly, without protection because I thought she was on birth control. Stupid, I know, but you know how that is. We are still together today but the fighting won't stop. She's just so angry. I'm a pretty relaxed guy, I'm not stupid either, pretty smart actually. But smart people do dumb things too, right? It's almost midnight as I type this, the date is Sep 25, 2015. My birthday was 4 days ago, and it was terrible. Sorry for the rambling. Here's my point; She is pregnant, maybe with my son (yeah it's a boy!) but I don't know that we will work out. I don't want her taking my son from me because even her father and brother know that she is emotionally unstable. She's been hospitalized twice already. I need my son. What do I do? I want to be with her, but if it's not meant to be then I at least want to have my son for the majority. I don't want her out of his life because I grew up that way and it's terrible. Advice? Thank you all in advance.
I've been through some of this.
I found out when our child was almost 4 that my wife was having an affair, and she wanted me to leave and she wanted to keep the child.
I didn't want to leave my child. I also didn't want to raise my child by myself, I didn't want our child not to have a mother, or a father, in the home.
So I stayed and stuck it out. Our child is now grown and doing OK. I didn't really want him to have one of us walk out while he was growing up.
You said, "
"She was so angry and bitter towards everyone and everything. She still is. She would take her anger out on me, but I was so blinded by "love" that I looked the other way."
What was she angry and bitter about? There is something going on with her, which you discussed later in your post.
What is "fake weed."? But you said she took Xanax.
She asked you to come to the party, and she was with her ex-boyfriend, and you left, and she told you she kissed him.
You had sex with her without protection, because you thought she was on birth control, which she wasn't.
She got pregnant.
Still together but fighting won't stop. She is emotionally unstable. Hospitalized twice.
I think she's been sexually abused, because she has many of the same traits as my wife did, and she was sexually abused. From that, she is probably a borderline personality syndrome person, (which you can look up on the net and see how many of the traits she has).
I didn't want to leave my child, either, so you and I were in the same boat. You realize the woman is worthless, but too late, and their is a child involved. I can already tell you, it doesn't turn out good. And, it gets worse.
She and the former boyfriend will be hooking up (my wife use to flaunt current and former boyfriends in front of me, also). The drugs will stay, because borderlines need drugs, to make up for the emptiness in their lives.
I would just try to stay positive. Here below, in the next post, is a col. on being positive which has helped me a lot.
You need to stay positive for yourself and for the kid.
Below are some things which have helped me, one is a column on being positive which helped me a lot.
(can get the tune for this by typing in “melodies” on net search engine)
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark
Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk, you'll never walk alone
(some favorite sayings)
“And you’ll find that you’ll recover from fate’s hardest slam, if you never say die, say damn.”
Your Present Situation is Not Your Final Destination
by Kevin Ngo
-- Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. –Amelia Earhart
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb
-- I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. –Stephen Covey
--You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher Columbus
--Ships are safe in the harbor, but that’s not what they’re made for.
-- “We have crossed the Rubicon,” ancient military leader whose army cannot now turn back once it has crossed this river.
--“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison
-- “If not this, what? If not us, who? If not now, when?”
~ Kennedy, John F. ~
51. If you’re going through hell, keep going – Winston Churchill.
52. Feelings come and feelings go. There is no need to fear them and no need to crave them. Let them come, and then let them go. No feeling is your permanent reality, no matter how intense it is.
53. No matter what, no matter how, where or who - you can almost always turn around and get a second chance - Anony-mouse.
54. When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us – Alexander Graham Bell.
The person you have to defeat is the person you have to look at in the mirror every morning.
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. "
~ Helen Keller
”Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does."
~ William James
19. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing – Helen Keller.
65. I’ve developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time – Charlie Brown
Here below is the column on being positive, that has helped me. Unconsciously, I was negative and didn't know it because it was in my uncon., but for some reason I had difficulty solving problems.
When I came across this col. below, on being positive going into a problem, I knew what my problem had been: con., I wanted to solve the problem, but uncon., I was neg., and until the 2 parts of my brain could work together, I wasn't going to solve a lot of problems.
This col. helped me to train my uncon. to be positive. Prior to my next problem, I said to myself, just read this col. first.
The problem is not the problem. The problem is your uncon. neg.
So I read the col. first, and by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem, by first clearing my uncon. of neg.
When away from the col., and I had a problem, I would say to myself, "Think positive, think positive...." again, trying to clear the neg. from my uncon.
Here's the col. below.
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and
attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
"Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”