My girlfriend left me because I was too clingy
My friend and I became close and started dating around 7 March. We were both very serious, but she warned me many times, almost broke up, because I wasn't giving her enough space, I was clinging, but despite these warnings, I failed to give her space after a week. During July, she ended our relationship and I'm almost convinced she can't look at me in a romantic manner any more. We are still good friends, but not being in a relationship is killing me and she doesn't enjoy spending too much time with me anymore.
I understand that by giving her sufficient space for a while she might eventually lose her thoughts of me being clingy and maybe give me another chance, but I'm desperate as this may take too long. I know that I can give her space in a relationship now, but I don't know how to prove it with haste.
I really miss her wanting to spend time with me, having romantic moments etc.
Can someone please help, I'm desperate to know the best and/or quickest way to make her believe me and give me another chance.
I would also like to know if the fact that she left me for being too clingy means our relationship cannot last and lead to marriage.
I'm willing to do anything for her to take me back, and regain her feelings, but the time away from her is really hard. We both stay on separate residences, but they are close together so spending time is not difficult.
Is there any quicker way than leaving her alone for weeks on end
Hey look at the end of the day she told you what she wants and unfortunately your going to have to give it to her if there's any chance you'll get back together you have to let her go go a while and figure things out it clear you love this girl but you have to respect her wishes if you can do this then it might prove to her that you are serious about this and I would ring her do not text ring and tel her what you want but what your willing to do to respect her wishes cause you love her and then give her space and wait and if she dosent take you back move on cause it clear you love her and you shouldn't have to waste it by chasing after her if she can't realuse how amazing it is to have someone love you the way you love her then there's no point it's better to have and be in love with a person who will show you the same amount back
You're in a restaurant-bar. It's the only such venue in town worth frequenting. You order the star dish - Coq au Vin. Waiter brings the food. The plate is crammed full (and so are other customers'). Too much so. Ach! You feel overwhelmed...full before you've even tasted it!
"Sorry, I'll NEVER manage all of this...Could I have just HALF this amount, please?", you say.
"Non", says the waiter, "Eet eez our standarrd saze :-p".
"But I only want half", you insist.
"Zen you 'ave NUSSING!" says the disgruntled waiter, whipping your plate away again.
"No, I'm starving, I DO want it!", you say, and realise how silly you were being considering you all along could have simply just left half of it.
However, what would you do if the waiter somehow made you feel PRESSURED into having to eat the entire amount, which became a common theme every time you ate there?
That's right, you'd feel not just overwhelmed but PERTURBED, would finally walk out of the restaurant and be loath to ever eat properly in it again, despite you wouldn't want to stay COMPLETELY away from the one, happening venue in town. Instead, you might try to 'cheat' by sitting drinking at the bar, ordering only tiny bowls of free nibbles, like olives. You'd probably still wish you could try their famous Coq au Vin, though, wouldn't you. You might wait until the day you could tell the stubborn and over-zealous waiter was in a much better frame of mind. You'd watch and wait, bide your time. Or/and you might keep your eyes peeled for some rival restaurant to open up nearby.
You're the waiter. You pressured her. So she left the restaurant area. But for the bar area. NOW, however, you're following her into the bar, having half-cleared the plate as asked and even hand-feeding her little morsels. It may not now feature much meat, or ANY meat, just mainly the veg and sauce. But at least she feels in control and catered to AND can still detect the taste of chicken. Plus, the fact you're so keen to follow her over with said plate is what tells her that her own counter-stubbornness has worked, meaning, she still has the option to re-visit the restaurant... at her leisure.
She's gone from zero control to too much control.
This relationship isn't one of customer-servant, though, nor customer-jumped-up/insensitive-servant. It's supposed to be equal and symbiotic. Customer-come-Waiter plus Customer-come-Waiter.
You shouldn't have followed her with the plate. Take the plate away and, instead, apologise to the customer for your over-zealousness and pride and inform her that if she should so wish, she may return to the restaurant and get given a portion (oy-oy!) more to her liking. But at the same time, you must tell her she can't just sit and drink and eat nibbles because those nibbles are the restaurants aperatifs, meant only for those who provably intend to sit and eat an actual meal. AND THEN LEAVE. Right out of sight!
The message is now, All Or Nothing. 'All' may have been edited down (tick!) but it's still that versus NOTHING - NO food from that venue. Now the choice is fairer to you as well as to her... A COMPROMISE. If she genuinely had feelings for you beyond friendship, her only problem with you being you trying to foie gras her, she now has no reason against re-entering the restaurant rather than 'surreptitiously' hanging around its periphery, benefiting from the smells and free-of-charge nibbles. Certainly not after a period of letting the last meal finish digesting until she inevitably feels hungry again.
How to apply this in reality is:
You tell her you're sorry you let your over-enthusiasm blind and deafen you, and, if she could please see her way to giving you another chance then you promise faithfully to this time take it slower and easier, but that in the meantime, you're no masochist (and presume she's not, either) so would rather do the more sensible thing of cutting all contact until such inevitable time as both your feelings have dissolved back to pure fondness befitting a recommencement of just friendship. Not even best friendship. Just acquaintanceship.
All Or Nothing. Albeit, NICELY All Or Nothing.
LLLC and soul mate, thanks for the advice from both of you, I will definitely use this, I hope the apology works and restores how things were, or at least close to what it was.
BTW I like the restaurant analogy
She wants to be just friends and she says she is currently disgusted by the idea of a relationship, she said that even the idea of holding someone's hand or someone sleeping next to her is horrible. Also she is happy that she is only thinking about her studies and doesn't have to worry about a relationship. She still feels awkward and I don't enjoy her company in this 'friendship'. She has changed since we were last friend before we dated, and her new form of friendship with me isn't at all helping me. I can't give up and move on, is their any way to change her thoughts of a relationship being disgusting. Some way to make her stop thinking like that. Even if I give her space, she can't help but feel like she doesn't want to be in a relationship. What does this mean? And how can I change that thought process?
She is really home sick and I know that our relationship was helping her not miss home in the first half of the year. I'm also worried about her missing her family too much.
Currently 'disgusted' by the idea? The idea of being even halfway intimate, 'horrible'? Que? What are you supposed to have done to her - kept her in a basement, half-starved and wired up to electrodes for months on-end?!
That's not rational. Sounds like she's flooded and talking nonsense. That or ("someone's (/anyone's) hand"; "*a* relationship") she's perhaps trying to put you off the scent of her secretly sampling dating around again (e.g. websites)?
No, why WOULD demotion leave you happy? More like, the fastest way to become UN-happy? Again - she either eats at your establishment or leaves.
But, no, you can't force someone. And unless there's good reason for her saying so that you've not shared here, it's highly suspicious of her to go so OTT in her so-called hindsight about it all.
Yes, you CAN give up and move on. There is no room for leverage here. Save FOR giving her space. But if it's space she needs then give her ALL OF IT AT ONCE. ZERO CONTACT. The faster she gets her fill of it, the faster her excuse (if that's what it is) will disappear and the situation pressure her to either p*ss or get off the pot.
Helping her not miss home? What are you, an Anti Homesick pill?
Anyway, describe how so-called clingy you were. Let's SEE, shall we? Because I'll tell you this for nothing: Mr Soulmate and I are both INCREDIBLY clingy. It's what you do when you're fruit-loopy about each other and your relationship. And because you're both doing it, nobody comes over clingy! Capiche? So, yes, I think maybe more than anything you *were* an Anti Homesick pill. (Here, maybe you should invoice her for services rendered to-date?
Anyway, if you want my honest opinion, I think she's behaving like a total cow right now. And just how friend-like IS it to tell your only-just-ex that closer-in he disgusted you and still does AND to the point of making you anti-relationship!? Is that how she thinks good friends are supposed to talk to and make one another feel? That, mate, is called ripping your confidence to shreds.
Yep, zero contact is what I recommend. And don't even warn her, she doesn't deserve it.