Is my boyfriend confused or is he bi?
I have been going out with my boyfriend for four and a half years, we have had a great relationship and have been living together for 3 years. We live in a house that we share with two of my friends(girls) but he also knew them well before we started going out. we have had rows up and down like most couples but I always thought he was happy. After a night away with my girl friends I came back to the house early in the morning to find my boyfriend heavily asleep from drink with the laptop and my friends vibrator in the bed. I was totally in shock, my first reaction was that he had done the dirt with another girl. However it turns out that he was chatting on line with other men. I am so confused about it all. He has set up a profile on a gay/bi sexual forum, where he has posted pictures of himself and also a video where he is mastrubating wearing my panties and my housemates skirt. I don't know what to think, we broke up straight away and he has moved in with friend.
He has told me that he doesn't fancy men and would never be with another man, that he did it because he was bored when I was away on holidays. It has not been ongoing,he joined the website 2wks ago.He says he was just curious and says that he loves me and plans on marrying me etc. I am totally disgusted that he went through my friends personal belongings, I also feel totally rejected and hurt. If it was just a peek at some photos or porn I would be ok, the fact that he made a video means it was all pre meditated.He is 26, has he supressed these feelings all those years?I think he doesn't know what he wants. Is this common? Can men just go through a phase like this? Please give me some advice on what to do, I am stil madly in love with him
I find it hard to believe that he was just curious or bored. In my opinion, his participation in the forum goes way beyond that. I do not believe people go through a gay/bisexual phase. I think that people are attracted to whom they are attracted to. Attraction is based on instinct. Now, what a person decides to do with those attractions can be influenced by many things. The fact that you two broke up indicates that you do not tolerate his behavior. Even though you love him, there are certain things that you wonâ€™t accept. If you got back together with him, it would indicate that you are willing to somehow negotiate with the behavior. There is a chance that he would repeat the behavior you dislike, especially when you are away.
The only way to revive the relationship would be if there was some sort of compromise or modification about what you donâ€™t like because you canâ€™t be 100% certain that he wonâ€™t repeat it. Would you be willing to do that? Can you somehow get past what has happened? If you canâ€™t, then it is best that you two are no longer together.