Trouble with our love life
I have been dating my boyfriend for over 7 years, I am 26 and he is 25, and recently we have moved in together. When we first started dating, probably for the first two or so years, we had a really healthy sex life. We had both been in rough relationships beforehand so we took the time to be careful, communicate our desires, set boundaries and be respectful of one another.
During our third year my partner began demanding I wear sexy lingerie or a costume every time we had sex, and he was also constantly asking for certain acts that I was extremely uncomfortable with (I mean Every. Single. Time.). I told him I wasn't keen on certain acts because they made me feel terrible after, like trash, and he said he only asked for it because he loved me.
It was at this point I started saying no to sex, as I didn't want to dress up or be nagged, I figured I should be sexy enough as I am, so why put on the constant show?
That didn't go down too well, whenever I said no to certain things he instantly became distant and extremely short and rude with me. This behavior went on until I just gave in to make him stop, at one point he started taking out his frustration on his family in front of me.
We were living with our parents for most of our relationship and we both work strange hours, so I understand that intimate time is extremely limited, and that there is pressure to perform, but it was never ok for me to say no. Because of this, as well as some other factors (workplace bullying, deaths in the family, and copping a severe spine injury) I have become quite depressed, so my previously healthy sex drive has completely tanked.
I have no interest in sex at all and am uncomfortable even thinking about it. I try to satisfy him once a week, maybe twice if I'm feeling up to it, but he complains that it isn't enough. When I injured my spine I couldn't dress myself for two weeks, and could barely walk, but he kept trying to initiate sex (from behind as well, with a lumbar injury!), and complained that a three week absence was "three months of drought."
Naturally I have started to feel like I am only good for sex, and that any of my other efforts are wasted. Now we've moved in I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry, as well as working 30 hours a week (only ever one day off at a time as well) in hospitality, trying to find a new job that will accommodate my injury, physio, pilates, grocery shopping and the rest! He still expects sex constantly and tries to initiate sex all the time.
It has gotten to the point where he nags me every night to sleep nude, and grabs me while I'm trying to sleep. I dont think forcing the issue helps, it just makes it worse. I have started to become extremely anxious about sex and am feeling extremely depressed. I have gone to my GP about my feelings, but she dismissed them and prescribed me some new birth control, which hasn't helped at all. I am also noticing changes in my day to day behaviour. I used to always dress to show off my figure and loved wearing skirts and dresses. Lately I can't seem to cover up enough and am always slouching about in jeans and oversized sweaters or nanna cardigans. Yoga pants are a definate no, which make coming home after pilates a nightmare. I'm also losing weight, which as someone who was overweight to begin with isn't so bad, but I would have preferred salads over sadness.
Outside of the bedroom he is a great boyfriend, he is my best friend and we still hang out and chill like best mates. We socialize well with others, and he never says mean or horrible things to me. There are no secrets with each other and we are as open as ever. I have spoken to him about his behavior in the bedroom, and we have worked out some issues, but the constant nagging is still getting me down, he is supportive of me seeing a psych for answers and doesn't want to explore the open relationship I offered him.
My absolute lack of interest in sex has gotten me thinking that perhaps I am asexual, or something inside me is broken. I'm planning on going back to the GP and demanding a referral to a psychologist for my depression and anxiety, but beyond that I am at a loss of what to do!
U havin a lumbar injury and he wanting a sex from back? He is being selfish .. You should not compromise on this else is on him he wants to keep u or not ( his loss ) ... No it is perfectly normal if u have lesser desire for sex especially in these conditions