Frustrated stay at home mom
I'm not sure where to begin without sounding completely obnoxious, because I feel bad about complaining. I love my husband. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and we have a 3 year old daughter. I am a stay at home mom, my husband just entered a law enforcement career about a 1 1/2 ago, to do that we had to relocate to a new city. We decided to rent an apartment before purchasing another house to determine what area would be the best fit. Our new city is a large metropolitan area. I know no one here and do not have transportation to ever leave the house. One car husband on middle shift. When my husband started on the dept. he got to shift/ district bid which included which was more important shift or district. I had expressed to him that I wanted to find a job to meet people and put my daughter in daycare for social reasons. He chose district as being more important then shift. It was a more action packed area. I clean, I cook, I take care of our daughter he works a lot of hours. I ask him to do two things take out the dogs daily and take out the trash nothing else, but I still end up doing both of those 50% of the time. To top it off my husband while affectionate (kiss,hugs, etc.) is not a romantic or attentive man. We do not have date nights or time to ourselves ever. He does do stuff on his days off in the evening and afternoon with both my daughter and I so I can't complain about that. I love my family and I have a good life so I always feel quite selfish about complaining, but I'm so tired all the time from doing everything and I'm completely secluded that my resentment is affecting my attraction for my husband. I just don't know what to do. Talking to him about it does no good he listens and agrees at the time I feel to appease me and even occasionally throws in my face that I don't work when I want to, but nothing changes after that. Please give me your thoughts.
Yours is not an uncommon story. No, you are not being selfish or complainer. The "resentment" seed is planted but you must NOT water it!!
This is a GREAT time to go back to school to get yourself prepared for a career - not just a job. Baby will be in school when you are finished, husband will be settled in at his job and YOU will be ready to embark on your life's love job.
In the meantime, you MUST insist on date nights. Make it fun and exciting. Heck, don't even let him come home from work - meet him at a romantic place or sexy bar and act like you've just met!
There's are also a couple other things I should mention we have recently I have had some suspicions about his social media account he changed the password and completely locked it down as well as started adding some of his female co-workers. I don't know if he's up to no good or not. I'm not sure I want to know, but being alone all day with a toddler thoughts sometimes get the better of you. Also in addition to being a stay at home mom I am a landlord to our property in the city we used to live in if that helps understand the picture in any way. I have 1 friend who lives 8 hours away, and can't talk to my mother about any issues because she's very jaded when it comes to marriage and I don't want her to think badly of my husband
Thank you SusieDDQ for responding. I have already completed college and established a career just do not have the ability to utilize like I want to at this time. I am almost 30 years old. I wish I could meet him some place and surprise him but there is absolutely no one other then me to take care of daughter. I have no friends and no family where we live. Also no transportation where we live I am completely secluded. I try not to feed into the resentment it's just really hard Because I feel as if I do everything and have put everything on hold for my loved ones
I would address the social media account, be honest tell him exactly how you feel about his password being changed, and his account being locked. Have him explain the reason.
Ask him for his password-it will be interesting to hear what he says.Then tell him how isolated you feel, having no family/friends close by, no ability to get out of the house. Suggest that 1/2 days per week you could drop/pick him up from work,giving you more mobility to get out of the house.
Now is the time to start deciding "What do you want to be when you grow up" You're now fully grown up!!
Skinny girl- thanks so much for your response. I have addressed the social media issue typically it results in a argument, and to be completely honest I'm not sure I really want to know what might be going on in his social media account. I don't want to snoop I don't want to look things up its just the gesture itself that find odd. We have tried me dropping off/ picking up however it isn't exactly logical for our situation. He is a middle shift patrolman (1pm-10pm) he is in a probationary period so he has to leave his cruiser at the department until his probationary period is over, with that being said he drives there switches to cruiser then switches back before coming home. With a 3 year old it's not cohesive to have to pick him up because her bedtime is 8pm so she's been in bed two hours by this point. So if I wake her up to put her in the car she will be awake the whole night. Basically the only solution that is viable at this point is switching to either first or third shift but he will not be allowed to shift bid again until next year. I'm so stuck in the situation that there are very limited solutions unfortunately. I really just needed to vent about it because what else can I do. I'm grateful I have a good family so I guess by coming on here I'm just not causing waves and still allowing myself to get it off my chest being entirely frustrated.
I totally understand. Venting is good, and this site is perfect for it...at least you got it off your chest, you were not only heard but understood.
Hopefully next year will be much better for you.
There is always someone here on this site ready to listen. Take Care
You are going to have to be more assertive. INSIST that you get another car.
Do you socialize with his work buddies and their wives? There are other officer-wives going thru the same thing. Why haven't you reached out to them?
I don't know if your husband is deliberately cocooning you or if you have accepted this way of life, but in any case, you are going to have to DECIDE (rather than just vent to anonymous people) to make the changes you need to.