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Being the other woman

Posted by
CUTIE13
on Oct 5 2015 at 21:54
Member since: 05 October 2015
Relationship advice I have been seeing this guy for 2months but I've known him for 4years now. He started wanting me when I was still at high school but I felt like his older than me,so I never gave him a chanve but Iiked him. So recently we me. Decided to give it a shot. The problem is that he is seeing someone and I'm single. He promised me that he will make sure that the other lady won't come between us. But she keeps apprering. If she calls my guy and I'm with him, I have to pretend like I'm invisible. And that really hurts me. It makes me feel like I've lost my worth. I feel like I've lost my morals. I want to leave him but not because I don't love him, but because of the way he handles this issue. He really me happy. But he makes me to have a low self esteem because I'm insecure. And that causes hatred. I love him,my parents and little brother also like him. Everytime we have an argument its because of her. I dont know what to do. I have let myself to be a side chick, though he alwwys tells me to stop calling myself that. I feel like his using me. Our sex life is good.

Being the other woman

Reply from
LMBEBO
on Oct 5 2015 at 23:20
Member since: 05 October 2015
He's using you. You keep him company when he doesn't have that other woman around him.

You need to move on from him. Doesn't matter if your family likes him or not.

Being the other woman

Reply from
MANALONE
on Oct 6 2015 at 03:37
Member since: 29 December 2013
Yes, he's using you no doubt about it. You need someone who will respect you totally. No man who respects his woman lets another one get in the way and a genuine man does not decide to hook up with someone else when he's in a relationship. Your sex life is good because that's what he wants you for. The longer you let him use you, the longer your sense of worth will be where it is now. Likewise, the sooner you walk away from him, the sooner you will be free of him....it's that simple.

Being the other woman

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Oct 6 2015 at 12:49
Member since: 27 December 2013
Are you the woman on the side, or is she?

I'd suggest that you give him an ultimatum, but he's such a cad that you need to really figure out if you need him in your life. He is using BOTH of you.

He has endeared himself with your parents and family? What a rat!! I wonder what they would think if they knew all this time that he has had another woman - before you - all this time.

Please see him for what he is.

Being the other woman

Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Oct 7 2015 at 01:32
Member since: 19 August 2014
Agree with all of the above. But don't think your self-esteem can't sink any lower.

That hatred (resentment) you refer to, CUTIE13, caused by his attitude and behaviour towards you both (but you especially, considering you're the one who gets 'put on hold' every time the 'something better' crops up) is slow-acting acid, meaning, you're going off him bit-by-inexorable-bit as we speak, anyway (as well as, as mentioned, losing more and more of your confidence and self-like), meaning - trying to avoid that inevitable state of nothing but loathing for him is *futile*.

The same would apply if his bona fide girlfriend knew he was cheating on her.

Talking of which...and I hate to add to your mental workload a sense of revulsion, but...Has it occurred to you yet that you're almost, in a way, regularly having sex with this woman, just vicariously?

Being the other woman

Reply from
HKDAN
on Oct 25 2015 at 23:42
Member since: 25 October 2015
I will be your one and only man, the one you can depend on and trust forever! Sincerely Dan

Being the other woman

Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Oct 26 2015 at 17:29
Member since: 19 August 2014
Dear KHDAN,

I have real concerns about the nature of your posts:

1. I note, over on the thread entitled "Loveless, disconnected marriage" that you responded to the female OP with only, 'If you want someone to talk to I'm here'.

This strikes as very odd because - *obviously*, she does, it goes without saying via the very act of her having created a thread in the first place. Therefore, this being an advice-providing forum, she equally-obviously wants any responses to be in the form of *advice and solutions* regarding her dilemma and the details provided. All you did was pointlessly state what didn't need saying (hence, no response from her).

2. And now, reading the above message which looks uncannily like a self-advertisement, I'm left with the disturbing impression that you could be attempting to mis-use an environment fashioned for the purposes of helping, amongst others, women in a state of high vulnerability as some kind of personal cruising ground/dating site.

Please correct me if I'm wrong?

Thanks.

Soulmate

Moderator

Being the other woman

Reply from
ZUMA
on Oct 28 2015 at 06:42
Member since: 27 October 2015
This guy is definitely using you.

The fact that he did not even promise leaving this lady for you says he will never leave her.

You are just something to keep him busy when he is bored. Nothing more.

Sorry hun, but you are wasting your time!

Being the other woman

Reply from
MISSM
on Oct 29 2015 at 14:33
Member since: 29 October 2015
allowing yourself to be involved in a situation like this is much deeper than I think you may realize. You stated you have insecurities. These insecurities, I believe, existed before your relationship started.

Why have you allowed yourself to enter a relationship that you can't be fully involved? Why have you allowed yourself to be with someone who is knowingly being dishonest and disrespectful? Why have you allowed yourself to commit to someone who is unable to commit to you?

I suggest asking yourself if you stay because it's "safer"? Are you afraid to be with someone who will love you and give you all you ever wanted? Possibly you fear getting

Hurt?

Another question to ask yourself, Do you have trust issues? Is it hard for your to trust a man?

If the answer to this is yes, then continuing in this relationship, I believe would only add to this mistrust and will do nothing but harm you in the long run.

If trust isn't an issue, do you believe this relationship is possibly damaging to your self confidence, trust & self worth?

No one is able to tell you what to do, but if you really look into your heart, I think you already know the answer. Not the answer you wish could be true, but the real answer.

In response to your line about being a "side chick"...

It's really just another way to say He's asking you to be the "not good enough to be with him 100% chick"

Are you going to give your heart and time to someone who shows you you're not good enough? saying and doing should go hand in hand.

Being the other woman

Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Oct 29 2015 at 14:41
Member since: 19 August 2014
(Well put!)

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