A few months ago I caught my bf on online chat sites and profile sex sites. Add I looked what he was looking into it was mostly transsexual and gay sites. He's swears he's not gay so in thinking maybe he just might be a sissy boy. I'm a very open and understanding person, and also bi sexual. So if he's bi I can totally understand, but he won't be open with me about his sexuality. How can I get him to talk to me about this, I know he feels ashamed when I try to understand and ask questions. I feel so alone, has anyone else had this problem before? Besides this problem or relationship is great. I just want him to talk to me.
He may just be confused right now. Only advice I can give you is let him know that you are there for him when he is ready to talk and let him have his space for the time being. He needs some time to figure out who he is and what he wants before expressing it to you. He probably doesn't want you to worry or get hurt. Hope this helps, good luck.
Two things..he's gone behind your back and he's not sharing his needs with you. It doesn't matter what his sexual orientation is, the fact that you 'caught' him online should tell you where your relationship is with him. If he was 100% comfortable with you, you would know about his interests. This may happen as your relationship progresses ( you don't state how long you've been together) because if you're a very open and understanding person, then he may well see this eventually and learn to trust you instinctively. The point is, as it stands now, his clandestine actions are betraying your relationship as you know it and you need to realize this and get him to see this.
At times, it takes a long time for people to open up to their partners about inner most personal interests and it depends on what makes people feel ashamed about these feelings and orientations as to whether they will open up to their partners. It all comes down to trust and acceptance. It depends on values and standards and it depends on upbringing - where and how - and religious beliefs and general community opinions. It also depends on whether a person can openly state their sexual orientation and interests without being ostracized and judged by family and peers etc.
Given the understanding person that you are, you need to discover why he can't or won't open up to you before you can fully understand his actions. What drives him to keep it secret even from you? You are bi, and openly say so, and therefore you are telling everyone that it's OK for all to know..but your BF's actions, at present, are telling you it's not OK for ANYONE to know about his sexual interests.
OR (/and), if you've told him you're bi (which your saying 'won't be open with me' suggests you indeed have), maybe - your open nature having taken you into the details of alternative genders/orientations - you've sparked his curiosity regarding or including trying to learn and understand more about you and how YOU tick, now that you and he have managed successfully to reach the point you're at? ...But, possibly, fears that his admitting how this is what he's REALLY doing might either have you feeling [a] somehow 'investigated'/violated, smothered or creeped out as well as affronted by the fact he didn't give YOU those 'interviewing/Q&A' rights/privileges, OR [b] reacting in a way where suddenly you start feeling that bit too (his perception) sure of yourself from knowing he's that fascinated and into you, thereby LESS CAREFUL AND SENSITIVE around him and less hellbent on impressing him? (It might stop The Honeymoon Period, in other words, and, he's not ready for that?)
Whatever.. Me, I would be TELLING him it makes feel so alienated and alone. So why haven't you?