My little brother and college
My little brother committed suicide last December, i've been falling behind in school. today i got my first F literally. i cant focus on anything anymore, the harder i try the harder i fall/ i have no friends who actually care about my well being i don't have anyone to run to no shoulder to cry on. i have literally nothing outside my family. my phone only has my mom and my sisters numbers i it, yeah i have friends on facebook but they're only nice to me because they're my sisters friends. i'm having trouble finding a reason to keep moving forward whats the point when you have nothing?
You have everything you need sister. Perfect eyes, ears, nose, beautiful face, hands, ect. You also have your family (your mom & sister) which some people might don't have one.
Your brother decided his own way.
Forgive the past, have a new life with good goals and be obedient to Allah. Religion helps you in a right path, insya Allah.
This world is about YOU, the precious You!
One of your problems is not that you are a bad person, but that you are too good of a person. I probably know people who might not even be bothered by what you’re talking about, because of trauma in their childhood which took away their ability to feel.
You might need to get a counselor, male or female as you choose. You might need to get away from college or too much stress for a semester or two or more. You decide.
You might could do volunteer work helping children or adults in a hospital or nursing home. You might be able to better relate to what they are going through because of the difficulty you are going through, and even be able to tell them, “Guess what happened to me one time.”
You talked about your cellphone, I don’t even have a cellphone. I use my landline phone. Oh, I got a cellphone, but only because I’ve got a loud ballpark near me, and I wanted to use the cell to find out when the game was over, but that didn’t work, because I had to be outside to use it, and that’s where all the noise from the ball park was, so that didn’t work.
So, I still have a cellphone, but I still despise them as much as ever, and never use it for I don’t want to scream into the little speaker just to tell someone “hello,” and I don’t know anything about minutes, unless the person who helps me from time to time insists for my own benefit, please, so that I keep up with the weather in Yugoslovia, or take pictures of a tornado right before it reaches me, or call 911 when I’m taking my walk around the block, and there’s an emergency and I wouldn’t even have time to get it out of my pocket or figure out how to cut it on.
I only have one person on my phone, a relative, which my helper put on my phone, but I would just as soon call 911 with no minutes, so I don’t really need it. I hate it. I only got it because of the ball park. And it didn’t work.
You say, “i have no friends who actually care about my well being.” In college, I had no one like that, either. In high school, I had some people I would talk with at school, and had a so-called family, but you don’t want to get me started about that.
You say, “I don't have anyone to run to. no shoulder to cry on.” That crying on someone’s shoulder is in the movies. I once rad a quote that said, “If you have no one to talk to when you’re having trouble….” Well, I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m in trouble, why do you think I’m on this website talking to you right now?
You say, something about some foreign entity called Facebook, “but they're only nice to me because they're my sisters friends.” And “ i'm having trouble finding a reason to keep moving forward whats the point when you have nothing?”
Ok, here comes the speech. Some years ago I was going through a difficult time, and was in an al-anon self help group for people who had spouses or friends who were alcoholics, and when it was my time to speak, a listed a series of my difficulties in a very sad voice.
The lady beside me in the group, listened to my troubles, and then said, “Oh, you were having a pity party, we’ve all done that.” And her tone of voice of not scolding but not approving either, sort of tolerating, brought me up, in that it, got through to my psychic, because she was not being mean, but kind of gigging me a little bit.
I had felt sorry for myself all of my life. But I never have after that. Because whenever I try to feel sorry for myself,
I hear that woman’s voice, and I see her face, and it doesn’t work. I don’t know if she was an angel or not, but she really helped me. And she just happened to be sitting beside me at the self-help meeting.
So I say to you, I know you’ve had some tough times, but like that lady said to me, don’t dwell on it. As the lady said to me, “we’ve all done that,” as it past tense. She meant, we’ve all done that, and we’ve all gotten over it, and don’t do it again.”
She didn’t say those words, but that’s what she meant. She meant, “I did it, and you can too.”
And I did, thanks to her.
Below are some sayings which might be helpful, and a col. on being positive prior to trying to solve a problem, which has really helped me.
Here below is the column on being positive, that has helped me. Unconsciously, I was negative and didn't know it because it was in my uncon., but for some reason I had difficulty solving problems.
When I came across this col. below, on being positive going into a problem, I knew what my problem had been: con., I wanted to solve the problem, but uncon., I was neg., and until the 2 parts of my brain could work together, I wasn't going to solve a lot of problems.
This col. helped me to train my uncon. to be positive. Prior to my next problem, I said to myself, just read this col. first. The problem is your uncon. neg. So I read the col. first, and by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem, by first clearing my uncon. of neg. When away from the col., and I had a problem, I would say to myself, "Think positive, think positive...." again, trying to clear the neg. from my uncon.
Here are a few items, and then the col. on being positive below that.
“And you’ll find that you’ll recover from fate’s hardest slam, if you never say die, say damn.”
Your Present Situation is Not Your Final Destination
by Kevin Ngo
-- Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.
If you’re going through hell, keep going – Winston Churchill
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
(tune can be found by typing in "melodies" on search engine)
When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark
Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk, you'll never walk alone
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and
attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
'Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”