At my breaking point!!!!
So I've been in a two year relationship with my boyfriend(code name Harry) we knew each other from high school. The first months were great the end of the first year was rough to say the least. We went through some really testing times. He lost his job then the driinking, anger and even violence at one point on his part started. We took time apart he got help and stopped drinking, problem is we have never been able to go back to what we had in the beginning of our relationship. I always feel some type of betrayal from him, like how could he have hurt me as bad as he did. And it also doesn't help that he blames me for a lot of his anger. He says in trigger him "you poke, poke and poke at me" I honestly am just honest with him at all times. Sometimes I am a little harsh but it's just the way I have always been I've always liked to get straight to the Point. Right now his issues are him trusting me. Tonight I found out he has been hacking my emails looking through them, I have never cheated on him and I don't understand why he feels the need to look for something. I don't give him any reason to doubt my loyalty, we spend a lot of time together. My privacy and my loyalty is important to me and the fact that he questions those things really bothered and hurt me. Not only because I know where I stand in our relationship but also the fact that I have dealt with so much from him and now this is justanotherhit be,ow the belt. I want to get back to us, our friend, trust, love and care. But I feel like he always finds a new way to dig himself into a whole thats against us and what we want to be. I love this man but I feel like I've been through enough and I just can't take the jealousy... Anymore. Should I have walked away a long time ago?
In reality you should have walked away when the drinking and the violence started. You can love a man but you need to ask yourself what's the point in loving a damaged man who will continue to damage you in different ways as you have discovered and stated here in your post. The fact that he blames you for his actions and his anger should tell you where you really stand with him and again, you may love him, but at what price?
A true relationship is a two way street, firmly grounded on trust, where love and respect are demonstrated between two people daily. There is no place for anger and betrayal. Your BF sounds like he can be, at times, a dangerous individual who needs further professional help, but you can't help him achieve this because he has to realize it himself. In the meantime, you should consider your safety and well being and take your thoughts of walking away seriously.