Staying in my relationship for my kid
Feel like the only reason keeping me with my partner is my child
I found out my wife was cheating when our son was almost 4. I stayed because of our child, wanted him to have 2 parens in the house. I stayed because we were buying a house. I stayed because I was manic-depressive and I wasn't sure I could make it on my own. I stayed because two paychecks under one roof was better than two paychecks under 2 roofs.
My mind helped ne because it convinced me she didn't have a affair. She didn't have an affair, she had about 30 of them, over 2,000 episodes in 16 years, when you figure how many a week, times 16 years.
Staying was very rough also, visits to the heart doctor for chest pain, her trying to drive me up the wall, mentally and physically, because I inadvertently stopped the affairs, which I didn't even know for sure were going on.
I know a woman who stayed with her first husband for probably 18 years or more, when she left for a new marriage after her second and younger child left for college, showing that's why she stayed.
I don't know what to say. Try to stay positive. Do your own things, have your own life, raise your child, try to look at the benefits to your situation. You don't have to be depressed just because you don't like your husband.
I took anti-depressants, but I wasn't depressed. I've taken those for many years, it wasn't because of my bad marriage, I didn't even basically notice my marriage. I helped raise my kid, had my own hobbies, when I worked, I concentrated on that. Notice, the marriage is not even in there.
For 16 years, my wife tried to kill me, driving me out of my mind, stress so bad I would be going to heart doctors for chest pain, other health problems. But I hadn't done anything wrong, so I didn't feel bad or guilty about anything.
Knowing she might be have an affair, yeah, that got to me, but I was still able to function most of the time, and still be glad she was paying 50% or more of the bills, and still being a mother to our child. She was sex abused, so she was a poor mother and a poor wife, but, hey, paying more than half the bills was a help.
So, what happened? She got a long-term illness and died. Who would have guessed that? Not me. she was the one standing over my death bed scolding me when I got seriously ill, but it didn't happen. She got a long-term illness. The script changed suddenly.
I've been 6 years making it on my own. Times have been rough, what with a senior citizen living by himself, people will come after you, and they have. But I try to stay positive and fight the son of a bitches, just like I fought my wife when I needed to. No difference, really. Fighting the son of a bitches, fighting my wife. Same thing. So, even if you were away from your husband, you'd be fighting something or someone.
So just do the best you can until you get a better deal. But don't miss out on you and your child's life while its happening now.
Is there someone else in your life?
Interesting question. I don't even know what you mean by that. As if I have to have someone else in my life to make myself whole, to make my life complete?
I thought I just told you: My wife cheated on me over 2,000 times during the first 16 years of my marriage. And I'm going to go running out looking for another son of a bitch to make my life complete? No, that's what messed up my life in the first place, looking for that "special someone."
I'm cured of that. I'm also a senior citizen, but I'm not a stupid senior citizen, well, at times I am, when I can't solve problems on my own and I have to come on a board like this. But I'm not stupid enough to need a "special someone to make my life complete."
When I got married I was 30, so I was in a different situation, I'm looking 30 years alone type of thing. Also, when I got married, I had just had a nervous breakdown by 6 months or so, and I wanted to prevent that by having someone in the house with me for socialization, for being out of work and out of being around people is what got me depressed, and then the nervous breakdown; that and being a manic-depressive and not diagnosed or put on any medicine.
All of that combined for way too much. So I got married. She got married for her own sick reasons, also. Being married and in a new town and a new place of work gave her more her more opportunities to meet guys and have sex with them. She was sexually abused so she was always ready.
So she did just that and when it became evident what was going on, seven years into the marriage, that's when the marriage ended but we stayed in the same house, and she kept having affairs for nine more years, until our son grew up to know what the phone calls were about, and probably had over 2,000 outside the marriage episodes, by my count.
Also, I was only int. in my wife, otherwise I'm not really into that scene, whereas you are probably more apt at that than I am. And, also, you're probably near the start of your adult life and see this vast horizon in front of you and hop one day to fill the void.
As far as, is there someone in your life, the old saying, I'm married to my hobbies. I don't have to have someone in my house, I just want to do my hobbies. At 30, I wanted to be around people, but not as a senior citizen. I walk my dog, see some people some time, talk to them many times, and that's all I need.
Here's what does help. I have problems as a senior citizen, so I get home health care, and I get companionship from that. The last year, I've had the same person, twice a week, three hours a day. Hey, it's great. She told me from the start, "I'm not int. in getting married," and I said, "I'm not either."
She's about 50. We walk around the block, she gets my groceries, etc. It's great. It really is great. But I don't want to get married.
Do you want to get married. Do you not see the benefit of staying with your husband and having his paycheck and have 2 parents in the house? Does he abuse you? My wife abused me verbally, emotionally, trying to destroy me like that, so that is a consideration.
What's the deal that you want to get out so bad?