When I was 15 I was in my first serious relationship, When we first got together he seemed absolutely lovely. We could have a laugh together and we were happy, atleast I thought we were. After a month or so he completely changed he would choose his friends, alcohol and drugs over me and would constantly put me down and made me feel worthless. Eventually he cheated on me but stupidly I still crawled back because despite everything I believed he really loved me. I was incredibly naive and believed every word that came out of his mouth.
A few months down the line I fell pregnant with his baby, he was completely unsupportive as were my family so I was forced into having an abortion despite not wanting one. Eventually, I ended the relationship which was hard but looking back now I know I made the right decision to walk away but I have never forgiven myself for aborting our baby and I hate myself for it.
I'm now in another relationship with a guy who is amazing and would do absolutely anything for me. The problem is, I am so insecure and I feel impossible to love. I used to be quite skinny and after going on a contraceptive injection I have gained quite a lot of weight which just made my insecurities worse. I have major trust issues after everything I went through with my ex and they are starting to ruin my relationship.
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now and things have always been pretty good between us but recently I've become so insecure that I cant stand the thought of him seeing me undressed or becoming intimate with him. I know that he wouldnt be with me if he didnt love me and that I should be comfortable with him after so long but recently I'm just not. He always tries it on with me despite him knowing that I feel so insecure and sometimes I think thats all he really cares about. We never really cuddle, kiss or spend a huge amount of time together anymore and I just feel so unwanted and pathetic right now. I've tried talking to him but he just tells me I'm being silly and that he loves me so what more can I do?
I honestly feel so pathetic right now and I just hate myself after everything my ex put me through. I just want to be happy.
Please get some counseling at the nearest women's health center.
What you have been through at such a young age is more than anyone could handle. You need to talk to someone about this.
Your self loathing and feelings of being pathetic are preventing you from enjoying life and a fella who loves you.