I want an adult relationship
I have been with my boyfriend since may. We have been living togeather since july. He would rather sleep on the couch then in the bed with me. We have not had sex either. I'm 30 and he's 29. We make out all the time and he's very affectionate especially in public. He has future plans but I'm frustrated by the fact there is no intimacy. I now feel like I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or good enough. My frienda think we have thetheost awkward relationship ever...and I'm starting to think so to. I feel like I'm wasting my time.
Your relationship may not have any intimacy but it also lacks communication. You need to merely ask him if he has a issue with you and being intimate with you, rather than wondering why. His behavior isn't what one would expect from a healthy 29 year old guy, but you need to discuss the issue with him because only he can give you the answers you need. Once you have these answers(if you can get them), then you have a choice as to whether your relationship with him is worth the effort, regardless of his future plans and regardless of what your friends think.
All successful relationships have love, trust, intimacy, honesty and respect flowing both ways between two people and all are 'must haves' without any question.
I didn't have sex until I was about 28, and I didn't really want it. My wife had to take the lead. She turned out to be sexually abused and after we got married by about a month, had sex over 2,000 times outside the marriage.
So, was I better off having sex with her? Probably not. So I may know how your boyfriend feels about that. Oh, and like your boyfriend, I loved to make-out with my girl and earlier girls as much as possible. I just didn't like the idea of having complete sex with a girl.
In a way, I needed a girl to be a complete whore before I was interested. Having sex with a librarian type didn't interest me. I was sexually abused, and that maybe why. When I found out my wife was a whore, then I was interested in her.
I've been on my own for six years, and the only girls I've been int. in are females who are whores, and also have been sexually abused. It's like we talk the same language. I haven't had sex with the two or three that I'm thinking about, but I have been interested.
Sex carries with it baggage: Marriage, children, jobs, careers. If you don't have sex, maybe you don't have to enter into that. You walk through that door of sex, there are a lot of things in that room, which maybe you don't want.
Disease, pregnancy, intimacy, responsibility, pain, divorce, children. All because of sex. I mean, really, is it worth it? Is it required? No.
Some choose not to walk through that door. It's their prevelidge. So don't lead him into sex because you really want all of that other. After sex, you'll be complaining: "But he won't ask me to marry him." It just goes on.
If it's just sex, ask him if he wants you to do a striptease? If OK, ask him if he wants to play with you? If OK with that, ask him if he wants oral sex? If OK with that, ask him if he wants to have regular sex with you?
You see, I'm getting into the area of whore now, which is where I'm more comfortable. You don't have to marry a whore. You just have sex with her. So don't expect if he wants sex, that he now wants to marry you.
As someone who was sexually abused, and perhaps am emotionally frozen at the age I was abused, say 5 or 10, maybe I don't want something I can't have anyway, maturity, or responsibility, or the father of one or two children, or a 30 year career in a job I don't like, working for a boss I dispise, and married to a woman who dispises me because I don't like or want that.
Maybe none of that appeals to me. So I turn down the first step of that: the invitation to "no strings attached" sex.
Maybe he and I know better.
Ask him if he was sexually abused. Ask him how close he was with his mother. Ask him how he likes his mother. Find out if his mother is kind of weird, like she was sexually abused.
Have you had sex before? Has he had sex before?
Also, if he does have sex, he becomes hooked on you for that. Which may then leave him going into those other areas that he might not be interested in.
You tell me why he doesn't want to have sex. He knows what's behind the door of sex. And you do, too. That's what he doesn't like.