Not sure what to do!!
Please help me...!!
I am from an orthodox brahmin family. I got married an year ago. My husband lives in foreign country and i'm stuck up in my hometown waiting for my visa. He has come down twice to visit me in this duration. It was purely an arranged marriage i liked him a lot.
An unfortunate incident turned my life down.
It was like one day i was transferring the photos from his mobile and I know its mean and so bad to peep into someone's personal messages but yeah even i was one such victim. I came to know that he drinks, smokes weed eats non veg! I'm not offending anyone but these were the exact criteria which i told him when we had a chat before the marriage got fixed.
I felt like my whole nervous system broke down. I didnt want to pick up a fight with him that to being in a long distance relationship its not gonna work out. I just kept it on myself and managed to bid him bye for his visit.
From that day on, my life is hell. Waiting endlessly for visa, and not trusting him when he says he got friends in his house and they're gonna watch movies and stuffs. It really shows he's lying.
I really dont know if its the right time for me to ask him or wait till i join with him and ask him then. And yeah in one such private chat he has told his friend that he is gonna quit everything when i go there and join him. But then how sure you will be if he sneaks out for work and get his job done there!
I dont know how to handle and somedays i speak to him normally and somedays i become moody and avoid him. He keeps asking what's wrong with me all my answer is silence! Its killing me and our relationship.. Please help me.
Regardless of a piece of paper, you don't HAVE a relationship to kill if you can't even be honest with him or he you. Certainly, not thinking and acting like anywhere between teammates or siamese twins will set the relationship up for eventual failure, no question about it. You need to talk to him and tell him what you've found out, the reasons for it and what he intends to do about it.
Failing that, and presuming it was your parents who arranged this marriage as well as would be equally as shocked and betrayed regarding these false pretenses and pretexts, you need to confide in them.
However, I see no reason for him to have lied about his intention to quit to a friend/someone firmly on his side and likely with his same attitude towards it all, do you? Where would be the need? Nowhere, is the logical answer. So it doesn't look as if that statement was false.
If he shares the bonus of having romantic feelings for you, too, then I can appreciate how the pain of the long-distance might make him feel he needs these indulgences as crutches to get him through it until you arrive, added to the fact that he might well be getting his fill of what will become permanently off-limits activities whilst he still can, like someone who over-indulges in 'naughty' food in the run-up to going on a long-term or permanent diet. To get the cravings out of his system and reach the stage where he's almost BORED of these 'illicits', in other words. Does that make sense to you?
Don't keep quite. Talk to him about this on the phone. Tell him that he has lied to.you. Are you worried that this marriage will break up?