My fiancé hasn t deleted a text ever. we have had some problems in the past but have been working though them. I happen to look at our phone bill and I noticed a number that he texted over 1000 time in one month at all hours. I asked him about it. he told me who it was and that he had no one to talk to about our problems and that this was an old friend .. yes a girl. I would not have had a problem except he deleted the those texts... I have asked him to see a counselor with me but he says the problems are my problems.... but then he says he needed someone to talk to and she was it? am I over thinking this?
No, you are not overthinking this. How is he going to resolve any problems between the two of you if his go-to person is someone else, instead of talking to you? Also, the fact that he deleted his texts means that he is intentionally trying to hide it. And trust me, no one who is truly innocent would delete/hide their text messages.
This is a problem. It's OK if he wants to confide in someone else for advice once in awhile, but over 1000 texts in one month + deleting them = there is something he is trying to hide from you.
I think that 1) he should be talking to YOU about problems, not simply talking behind your back to another girl; 2) there should be no reason for him to delete the texts; 3) refusing to see a counselor = he doesn't want the truth to come out. You could ask him to stop talking to her, but this isn't the best option as he will most likely get upset, and he will probably continue to do it anyway, and this will result in further friction between the two of you. If you tell him it's OK to talk to her but that he needs to be open about it and let you read the texts, and if he then gets defensive about it, that only further supports the probability that he is doing something he shouldn't be doing and doesn't want you to find out.
Bottom line, your fiancé is in the wrong. A committed relationship requires open communication and trust. He is not communicating with you and he is giving you every reason to not trust him. :/