OH has low sex drive and ED!
I am 43, my OH is 46 and we have been together just 18 months, married 4 months. He has type 2 diabetes and suffers from ED (this was around from the start but was never discussed). At the start of our relationship we had sex (as best we could) at least once a week, this has dwindled over time and the gaps are now 3-4 weeks apart, sometimes longer. He went to the doctor months ago and was given viagra but this doesn't work properly. He cannot maintain an erection for full sex for longer than a few minutes. I have tried to bring it up but he brushes it off so a few weeks ago I left him a note when I went to work, spilling my guts and telling him exactly how I feel and what the lack of intimacy is doing to me. We talked and he promised to see the doc. When he went to the doc he had a few things to discuss (diabetes, high BP and such) and when he came home there was no mention of the ED problem - he hadn't discussed it. Now I feel back at where we started and my mood is sinking again :( I feel like he doesn't want to solve this problem at all. I love him so much, and I know he loves me but I feel so unwanted and I have needs that are just not being met - I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do next :(
Same question as above. Can he use a vibrator on you? Can he use a dildo?
Does he masturbate?
Can he get an erection?
Can you use some sort of machine that you can perhaps buy over the internet, that you can ride and enjoy performing for an audience, and have a climax, and he could enjoy watching that with his 2 minute erection?
As a senior citizen, I've caught myself fantcizing about what would occur if I had a female friend who was sexual, would there be any form of sex I could enjoy with her, without sexual intercourse.
Her masturbating with a vibrator would drive me crazy. A strap-on dildo for me, has come to mind.
There is a pump which is sold on the net which pumps oxygen to that organ and helps with an erection. It might be called, erection pump, or something like that, on the search engine.
Here's one, my all-time fantize. You rock back on your hips and masturbate. He puts a vibrator in your vigina, and a wet finger in another place if so desired.
If he is overweight, I've been on a no carbs dies (no bread, no potatoes or rice) for several months. I haven't lost a lot of weight, but I use to have chest pain if I exercised too much. With this diet, I've had basically no chest pain after exercising. A big difference.
Also, I'm less tired with no carbs. I use to be so tired from cooking and eating breakfast, carbs like bread and grits,
I wanted to go back to bed as soon as I ate, again, tired from the carbs. Without the carbs, I'm not tired.
Also, I use to go to bed at 2:30 in the a.m., and get up at 11:30 a:m. With this no carb diet, I now go to bed at about 11 p.m. to 12 midnight, a some 2 hour improvement. I used to get up at 11:30 a.m. I now get up around 9:30 a.m., with the no carb diet.
I have also notice, my sexual prowess has increased. It has improved so much, I found myself fantacizing just this morning, that I could almost have sexual intercourse.
Why doesn't your husband try a no carb diet, just for a day or two or three, and see if notices an increase in sex desire? If the wife cooks the meals, try preparing such no carb meals. I do that three times a day, on my own, and it's no trouble.
Here's my diet:
bacon (any breakfast meat, bunch of it, for meat is OK); 2 eggs, don't worry about cholesterol, the person who recommend this to me, says his cholesterol, and all other such tests, are OK, even with eating extra meat and eggs. Fruit (how about cantelope or grapefruit? nuts, almonds, pecans or cashews, bunch; high in cholesterol, but again this guys says he eats that and his cholesterol is perfect.
Oat meal cereal with goat milk, which has only 3 grams of sugar, not 11 grams like whole milk); and oats helps reduce colestorel and helps diebietes. Oat meal can be the entire breakfast, with fruit and nuts added if desired.
lunch meat, bunch of that. Pork and beans, I eat a bunch of that. Soup, tomato soup fills me up. Other soups which fill me up, and also have milk are: A. cream of chicken. B. Cream of celery c. broculli and cheese soup; pea soup. Also go to grocery, and look over all the varieties of no carbs soup to see which is preferred.
Also for lunch, tuna fish salid; chicken salid; beanie-weanies; viena sausage; celery with hot or regular pimento cheese. nuts (see above).
3. Supper meat
hamburger, etc., large portion if desired, and onions, vegatables, bunch. Fruit, nuts.
cottage cheese with or without fruit (low sugar fruit is blackberries (numero uno) and blueberries.
Bananas are high in fruit sugar, and I now stay away from that. Cereal such as Cheerios (non wheat, or gluten free); again, lowest sugar milk is goat milk, which is sold in grocery stores (it has only 3 grams sugar, not 11 grams like whole milk).
Now, after about a month, I did have some carbs occasionally, because I couldn't keep thinking of each meal with no bread, etc. Now, I eat about 80 per cent no carbs.
Also, health food stores have items which are supposed to help with sex. Vitimin E used to help me. Check on the serach engine on the net to find out what helps with that, or call your local health food store and see what they recommend.
@SusieDQQ, he has no interest in sex at all. His sex drive is non-existant. IF we do start something and it can't be finished then yes he does satisfy me but its getting him to want to in the first place. He is a little overweight but nothing major.
@PJVL9, the only time he masturbates is when he can't finish inside me. He can get an erection but it doesn't last long, even with viagra. Same as above, he has no sexual desire at all so thinking of things other than full sex is pointless - he won't even discuss it.
You FEEL like he doesn't want to get this problem sorted? DREAMER71, I'd say that's now an established FACT.
What do you mean 'was never discussed'? What wasn't? The fact he had an actual, as in non-fleeting, non-self-remedying, problem?
I'm glad you let us now what is going on.
You originally wrote:
"He has type 2 diabetes and suffers from ED (this was around from the start but was never discussed). At the start of our relationship we had sex (as best we could) at least once a week, this has dwindled over time and the gaps are now 3-4 weeks apart, sometimes longer."
So this is no surprise. I also have diabetes (type 2 I guess) and high blood pressure. I take pills for the 2nd one, and the first one I probably should, but the doctor hasn't said, and I keep trying to lower it on my own, with the right foods and exercise, then take my blood sugar fasting with the meter and have gotten it down from about 160 to about 140. But it needs to be around 126, I think.
So I take the blood pressure medicine, and it works great. I also take lithium for manic-depression and an anti-depressant. So that's 3 pills. I take Melatonin to go to sleep. So I guess the pills and my age as a senior citizen make me unable for that.
"Now I feel back at where we started and my mood is sinking again :( I feel like he doesn't want to solve this problem at all. I love him so much, and I know he loves me but I feel so unwanted and I have needs that are just not being met - I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do next :(
He probably does want to solve it but discussing it with a doctor who might not be able to help might keep him from discussing the matter.
Have you considered the health food suppliments, maybe looking them up on the net? I know vitiman E helped me years ago, and another one helped. Look up on 3 or 4 websites, go to a health food store, look at one of the charts they have: "These items help these problems," and look for ED problems, and see what the chart says, maybe ask a clerk which one they might recommend.
"the only time he masturbates is when he can't finish inside me. He can get an erection but it doesn't last long, even with viagra. Same as above, he has no sexual desire at all so thinking of things other than full sex is pointless - he won't even discuss it."
Maybe the wheat, potatoes, rice-free diet might help. Can you make him supper tonight with no bread of potatoes? It will make him less tired, and can help his diabeties, for all three of those carbs turn into sugar, with sugar being the enemy. I do find that by being on this diet, I do have self-sex twice a week, whereas not on the diet, I had that once every week or two.
I can definitely tell the difference. My son is the one who put me on the diet. He told me he had lost 40 pounds on the diet, and I started the diet the next meal I had, and have been on it 90% ever since. What did I have for breakfast thise morning? I had 2 scrambled eggs with cheese, 2 slice of turkey bacon (better for you than regular bacon, with turkey meat being better for you than hamburger meat). (Notice, no corn grits or toast).
I wasn't filled up, so what to do? How about a slice of cantelope, and some pecans? That's what I had.
Same for lunch and supper, no bread, no rice or potatoes. How simple is that? If my son can do it, I can do it. For his diabetes and weight he can try this. For increase in his energy level and his ED situation, he can try this. How can he lose?
You cook his meals, just don't cook bread or potatoes for his supper tonight. Have meat (onions?)and veggies, then fill up on some pecans, cashews, walnuts (they now slice them so they don't crack in your mouth, and walnuts also are the best for you, the others help also). Can have fruit, also, but don't want too much fruit sugar, but fresh blackberries are 3 grams if sugar, and blueberries are close to that. Bananas are like 17 grams of sugar, so I stay away from that now, and raisens are very high also in sugar.
Try it for a few meals and see if it helps. Try it for a few days and see if it helps more.
Here below is a col. on being positive that has helped me a great deal.
Here below is the column on being positive, that has helped me.
Unconsciously, I was negative and didn't know it because it was in my uncon., but for some reason I had difficulty solving problems.
When I came across this below col. on being positive going into a problem, I knew what my problem had been: con., I wanted to solve the problem, but uncon., I was neg., and until the 2 parts of my brain could work together, I wasn't going to solve a lot of problems.
This col. helped me to train my uncon. to be positive. Prior to my next problem, I said to myself, just read this col. first. The problem is not the problem. The problem is your uncon. neg.
So I read the col. first, and by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem, by first clearing my uncon. of neg. When away from the col., and I had a problem, I would say to myself, "Think positive, think positive...." again, trying to clear the neg. from my uncon.
Here's the col. below.
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re presented with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
"Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”