PeoplesProblems Logo

Husband wants to rehome our (my) cats

Default profile image
This morning my husband announced that I needed to find a new home for our two cats, ASAP. He's just getting over a cold and is insisting that he can't breathe because of the cats. I suspect that he's actually having seasonal allergies, as the leaves are falling and I (a person who is not allergic to cats) am also sneezing, getting the sniffles, etc., but I can't really say that to him because it is clear he has made up his mind that they are to blame.

He's been hinting and joking about getting rid of them for a while. If we argue his go to is always

Husband wants to rehome our (my) cats

Default profile image
He's not qualified to insist the cats are to blame, nor especially to the point of insisting you take unwanted action based on it. He needs to be referred to an allergy specialist.

Couldn't you two just have a cold?

Hinting and JOKING? What do you mean, 'joking', and by 'for a while'?

Tell me, when was the first time he insisted he 'couldn't breathe' and has it been a pattern, one that appeared only once you got these cats or have you, do you think/can you work out, upset him over something or other recently? Alternatively, does he give you any impression that he resents having to care for them or resent the attention you give them?

And was your last sentance about, if you two argue over anything, anything at all, he picks on the cats as ammunition?

Are you 'cat-bonkers', is this your only or most obvious Achilles Heel/sensitive spot?

Husband wants to rehome our (my) cats

Default profile image
I actually wrote a lot more initially but it has disappeared.

Yes, the cats are his "ammunition" against me because he's apathetic to them (dog person) and hates the fur and litter they leave around. They aren't slobs or anything, it's just the normal accumulation you'd expect from cats. He takes care of the littler box at his insistence because he's a very meticulous cleaner and feels like I will miss something or do it wrong (which is a fair point; cleaning is NOT a natural skill or talent that I possess), and is annoyed by having to do it. He also feels like they don't get enough attention because I spend most of my time taking care of our infant son. Again, a fair point but I think this will get better with time as our son is obsessed with the cats (one in particular) and will likely give them all the attention they could ever want as he ages.

Today I was very frank with him and told him that giving the cats away just isn't an option to me. I take adoption agreements very seriously and don't want to be one of "those people" who rehomes a cat after 3 years. He admitted that he overreacted and said it was due to a change in his medication (he has GAD and depression and has been trying to figure out a treatment plan for some time now). That morning I accidentally woke him up when I turned off a baby monitor so our son's playing wouldn't disturb him... It backfired when the thing beeped incessantly because it was disconnected. He woke up in a bad mood and was basically a grump after that. I left him alone most of yesterday and it seems that today he was more level headed and we were able to talk about it without arguing.

We're working on figuring out ways to cut down on cat mess, having me clean the litter box and him look it over for peace of mind afterward, and brushing them more regularly with a vacuum brush to cut back on dander. He is allergic to them and, even if it is not the sole cause of his current symptoms, cleaning things up a bit will give him some relief.

Husband wants to rehome our (my) cats

Default profile image
OH, a dog person. Say no more.

A change in his medication? LOL, yeah, right. If he's GOING to reverse out to that extent and at that speed, shouldn't he make "beep-beep-beep" noises as he does so? LOL Nah, he's just a grumpy sod when woken prematurely (AND a bit 'anal' compared to you).

Do you think it was the room to calm down or the fact you basically ignored him?

PS: "having me clean the litter box and him look it over for peace of mind afterward"

Tell him I said, YA VULL, MEIN FUHRER!

(He missed his vocation, should have been a Sergeant Major. ;-p)

This thread has expired - why not start your own?