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I needed the counselling

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Relationship advice This website has been an invaluable help line for me and I still check in to help if possible. However I will continue as before with this : -

The minor problem with next door was a small dog or pup howling for hours on end, for two days. They have 3 springer spaniel working dogs who are in a kennel down the garden and not inside. All I asked him without any accusations, did he know about it. He told me the dogs always went to work with him.
I asked the lady (charming) at No 3 if she had a new dog and explained. She had heard it pointing next door. So he had lied to me. It explained his attitude as if not to get involved with me.
Why? It was just an innocent neighbourly question. How stupid is that? I have an inclination to write to him.

I needed the counselling

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Ha-ha, Moody - one look at the subject title and I knew this was your thread "part 2"! Unfortunately, however, other than having had a run-in with a neighbour(?), I haven't a clue what you're talking about re these dogs because I haven't been able to open in order to read anything from your original thread since my *own* very last post, which is why Richard asked that you duplicate (highlight then copy then paste in here) those few unseen ones. Could you do that/do you know how?

Alternatively, do you want to type me up here a quick summarising of this event?

I needed the counselling

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Wait - scratch that! I've just seen a second email from Richard, pasting it all in for me (what a sweetie!), so, here, I'll do it instead...


I needed the counselling

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Final posts from "I Believe My Wife Needs Counselling":
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2nd to last post:
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Reply from MOODY_ONE on Oct 17 2015 at 12:24
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No where near the need to visit here thankfully and thank you.

Them at No 4 have been out of sight for about a week now which does me good.

Yesterday bout 5ish I saw him drive back from golf and he had to park way down the road. Minutes later he walked past with dog to pub and yelling back over his shoulder “ One hour” “yes an hour” I guess she was bitching as she had been a widow all day and now he's on his way to pub. Yes the dog needs a walkie but timing Hmm!?

The tee shirt and swift turnaround sounds good but I rarely come face the face long enough to hit them.

Fixed some firm ideas/days up north round what want to do, who to vist and looking forward to it.

You're right - again, and that's why I abandoned the idea of words with C about the garden, Did loads this week out there, including mowing the terrace's front bits, cleaning and covering the van for the winter, fair buggered. She does give me credit for doing those jobs and helps me well. While out the copper from 2 doors the other way chatted about the van cover and I felt human rather than the criminal as No 4 think.

Start of symphony concert season last night and unfortunately our friend with the Big C didn't feel happy enough to sit through 2 hours of sublime orchestra when she is restless with her successful surgery and dressing. He came. Tomorrow is their wedding anni and my b/day so we all going out for chinky after champers at theirs. C driving and I will have had a few pints at lunch time with the usual gang.

All the kids doing things tomorrow so all round here this afternoon to see me :)

People's problems - unbelievable some times. All ages, many the same and some very horrible.

Keep up the good work (knowing you don't like me praising you but it's meant)

Hope your w/end is panning out OK.

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Reply from MOODY_ONE on Oct 22 2015 at 10:36
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Needed to have a neighbourly talk with M next door – action man busy busy as we have done over 10 years about hedges and whatever. He will deign to speak, not chat, but Mi his missus shuns us completely. He did answer my query but in a curt and hurried way and disappeared, which I thought OK it's your issue. Only a slight annoying roblem in my and C's eys but unsolved and now I must ask No3 about the same thing, but they are friendly.

Now that's what I don't call justice. I am not denigrating my crime and punishment in the broad spectre of things but........

…..........A great friend of C's had a son in his early 40s who was fatally ill with kidney problems and a brain tumour. He was discharged in favour of full time 24 hr live- in care, knowing he would die. He was a pal of our son's and we all knew him.

The nurse was previously suspended by the NHS for various serious nursing misdeamnours, yet she took part time moonlighting employment with an agency, how she slipped through the check net we don't know, and became his carer. His Mum was retired and widowed (lost her husband from the same problem).

He died and there was an inquest in which she was proved and admitted turning off his dialisys machine without someones go ahead. The case was heard in court in London, fair bit of local publicity and the outcome was – because of her admitting guilt with total remorse, the fact she returned all her illegally earned money, she got 3 months suspended sentence.

OK, I made a stupid mistake, didn't kill anyone, didn't harm any kids (tell that to probation), not a single person has been victimised ( ditto). Remorse? Of course.

I got the publicity, 6 months weekly probation, 5 years MAPPA supervision, can't visit or take in my grandchildren alone and a worried divided family.

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I needed the counselling

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(1st post)

Yes, 'Hmm', indeed.

Not sure what I was 'right about' but - okay, LOL.

Don't suppose the No. 4s got to see you and this copper chatting amiably, did they?

Glad your friend's surgery went well (phew!). Hope someone brought her home a doggy-bag?

'Good work' - will do (, always have, always will) :-)

(2nd post)

Look, if these people (M and Mi) find you disconcerting then so be it and that's their problem, but that doesn't negate their need for neighbourly cooperation re things like party hedges so they should be mature enough to put their personal feelings aside. Might, therefore, be an idea to elect C as spokesperson from now on because, what's the point of getting a week-long break from the No. 4s if during-time you're going to get semi-snubbed by the other two? What is this - timeshare?! :-p (- to them). Just stay away from them as much and for as long as you possibly can, would be my advice. And not for their sakes, FOR YOURS.

Now to that nurse: WTF?!!? That's murder! How on earth did she 'get off'? Yep, the inequity of treatment must be making your blood boil!!

But, look, there's man-made justice and then there's Fate's justice. Fate's been doing you a whole truckload of favours, has it not? Why? Answer: [1] you were treated unfairly by the former system; Fate had redressing to do, and [2] and it also had rewarding to do for your endeavours ever since. ERGO... she's been treated too leniently by man's hand so - what do you think she's got coming? She'd better brace-brace-brace, that's all I can say.

Hope that helps?

(above 1st post)

I now get the context re the dogs. Yes, I would write to him (keeping a copy for later for the council, if need be). ORRR you could offer to walk it daily (to kill its boredom as well as happily knacker it out) for a small fee?? I did this once (pub's dog). Lemonade from lemons, remember? Got me super-fit and BLOW ME, it's like pushing a baby in a pram, everybody but EVERYBODY, not just other dog-walkers, stops to chat!

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Both caught up I think, bit confusing to an old git like me, but we have been dominating the numbers of late. That seems acceptable to the boss and I have donated a few bob in thanks.

Your dog walking sounded just as I have heard, everyone chats. Super Fit? Wow! Toned trim.........mmmm Free drinks too I'll bet.

No - No 4 weren't about when chatting to the copper, they do sneak around these days.

Our friend is trying to be cheerful about her operation and it will be sometime before she is fully relaxed about such a monumental change. However she has decided she can come to the symphony concert on Friday.

Next door pup hasn't been heard since, so it might have been one they looked after or it's fully trained. I would have got C to mention it again if it happened once more. Also it's them about the hedge thingy and as gardens are C's baby, no doubt she will try.

She is fully lumbered now with a new role and committee place she has taken on, not happily, neither am I but she had all the warnings from many of us. Now talking about another desk and some filing cabinets in the spare room because I have fully commandeered the previous (in the old context of our house) spare room.

Mentioned an idea to C today about next year hols which will save us some cash and I still get a bit of me happiness. It's regarding an art course in France, we did agree that I could do something like that as she is going skiing again. Got a very lukewarm if not cold reception but she wants to think about it. I don't want a row about it, but feel it could lead that way.

Tiring week over, half term has kept us busy but it was joyful with the little light of my life for 3 days.

I needed the counselling

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Have you? How sweet of you!

Yup, everyone chats. New friends for the taking.....if you're generally into dogs, obviously, ...which I wasn't (cats)... just that one dog...after a few walkies. Cats don't spew 'stringy' dribble. Nor stink to high Heaven after it rains. Plus they b*gger off most of the time and leave you be, LOL. Dogs are like older babies, they want your attention almost *constantly*, get under your feet all the time. But you can't put a leash on and walk cats round parks and beaches, so...

Yep, free drinks afterwards in the pub. And lots of dog-lovers who wanted to chat up the dog [rolls eyes]. "Can I buy you a drink?" / "Em... I don't know... Rosie? This nice gentleman wants to buy you a bowl of water. What's that you say, Rosie? Oh. Rosie said, Thanks but no thanks, you're not her type.

:-D

"No - No 4 weren't about when chatting to the copper, they do sneak around these days."

Damn. Oh well, next time maybe. (I expect you can guess where I was going with that?)

Your friend sounds like a really positive type. That helps. A lot. And glad the pup has shut up.

Plentiful warnings unheeded, eh? Houston, we have a bubborn, over-independent-minded stugger. That or you've been doing too much painting, leaving her with only thumbs to twiddle? ("I'll SEE your landscapes and raise you COMMITTEE!")

Ooh, art course in France! NICE. (- don't say, No - Paris, LOL) Why wouldn't C want you having your own holiday whilst she has hers? Oh, wait - the past affairs. Hmm... not sure how you can persuade her to go for that, given everything. Actually, I do: beg and badger her to come with you, i.e. an extra to her skiing trip? That way she'll know no potential monkey business has occurred to you (you wouldn't anyway, would you). Plan? If not, leave her to do her thinking about it and don't, whatever you do, push or she might think, Why's he THAT incredibly keen when it's just a boring painting holiday?...OR MAYBE IT'S NOT! [enter Dynasty soundtrack] Alternatively, is there any other family member who'd be eager to join you?

I think it's lovely that you and your GD are so close now. My own granddad was a rhymes-with-weevil-trucker, bit like your No. 4 neighbours (bigoted and narrow-minded....hmm - maybe they're his love-children?). NOT a happy man. And he didn't even have any active woes to drag him down. Some people just don't like life and can't handle that fact, eh. But I DO NOTICE they're equally the types that don't tend to have very good romantic relationships.

Half-term. Teacher's revenge. LOL





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For some reason this from you appeared on my email inbox and I thought I clicked on the divert.

I'm happier with canines than moggies but don't want one. Rosie's chat LOL

At a committee meeting at our chairman's house and “she” has a big old choc lab and faithfully followes her everywhere, There was 11 of us in a smallish room, dog in the middle noisily over our speech chomping on a bone type toy, hell of a noise, then it farted. All the others showed a slight change of expression but no one said a thing, they are uppercut county town folk – but????

No 4 now to the back of mt mind, only when I see them does it raise doubts for me, but it goes.

Our stricken friend is not positive at all, Real worrier, for the town she worries, it gets me down and her old man, but she is trying to be upbeat. Will see her tonight.

The art is in the Cevennes one of our fave areas. I thought if we included it in a 4/5 week tour in the caravan I could fit it in with C on a spectacular camp site with lots of her likings to do. Anyway it could happen as the tutor is offering me days at a time, with could fit in nicely. Needn't do a week, I am good already!!!!!!!!

GD and I have always been close, never in doubt. Very sorry to hear about your time with Gramps. I take all sorts. Talking to our teaching friend this morning and taking the whatsit out of him for work next week.

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You thought you'd clicked on the "divert"? What do you mean?

Yep, Rosie was one switched-on dawgie. LOL

Here, for a moment there I read choc lab as 'chocolate laboratory' and thought, yes PLEASE?!

Was it one of those squeaky chewies? ............"So, fellow members of the board- [uh, EE, uh, EE!], in summary I would say- [uh-EE-uh-EE-uh-EE!]. Now let us take a vote on it - all those in favour, say- [pppppthththth!]"

Those Minutes of Meeting should make for interesting reading? If they did, you could donate a copy to your stricken friend to give her what sounds like a much-needed giggle.

"No 4 now to the back of mt mind, only when I see them does it raise doubts for me, but it goes."

There you go, see? Even if you *don't* do anything to help speed it up, it gets better. Time is indeed a great healer. :-)

Glad the tutor is being so flexible. Does 'good already' mean C has agreed?

Me personally, I didn't HAVE any 'time' with Grumpa (as I called him). I mostly gave him a wide berth or, if prevented, just pretended to listen to his whingy, bigoted, mostly racist vitriol whilst secretly storing up comedy-fodder for later piss-taking use. (Like I say, there ain't *any* lemon you can't make Lemonade out of.) Like, once, after he'd left on a Sunday afternoon, my father and I playing Draughts (he the White counters) whilst the rest of the family sat around (recovering!), with me having just lost a move to him, I blurted, 'Cuh!....Bloody Blacks!'. OHHH, how we laughed! And then, as a comedy bat-back a few days later (as was our wont): I was in the car with him, us stuck at snail's pace in unexpectedly heavy traffic around the Vauxhall/Brixton area, when he let this emergency plumber in his van emerge out in front of us from the banked-up, non-moving side junction (which elicited a very grateful-looking smile and thumbs-up, what with no-one else having granted him that favour). I said, 'Heyyy! That was really kind of you, dad'. He replied, 'Weeeeell... He's got a job to go to, hasn't he... got to put money on the table... might for all we know have a wife and new baby at home to keep fed (looks about that age) and is already trying desperately to keep the bank manager off his back....doesn't need to miss out on what for all we know is a really lucrative call-out thanks to being stuck at a junction through no fault of his own.... and *we're* not in any hurry, are we'. I responded, 'Ahhh...', to which, after waiting a few beats and trying to keep a straight face, added in Grumps' growly voice: 'And anyway, it's not like he was BLACK or anything'. I think I recall I actually did a bit of a wee I laughed so hard!

Aye, life would be very boring and tedious if you couldn't ever make taking-the-whatsit flavoured Lemonade ("uuuuurp!").

Have a good one!






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It was the stop receiving email button I should have clicked as this one came through emails too. Hopefully correct now.

I did think about telling her and hubby about the dog for that good reason - humour, last night but didn't get a chance. We were in the city much earlier than usual and there is a good pub right opposite, 50 metres at most so we went in. C and I could tell she didn't want to, not a pubby girl, worried about being late and being embarrassed in front of the audience making our way through rows to seats etc etc etc. We had 30 mins for F's sake. (She is a born worrier, worries for England on any subject, time, distance, place, viewing whatever - drives me bonkers))Back seat driver too, "mind thos people crossing" 200 yds ahead. Hubby knew also but was up for it, more a thing of pleasant time rather than sit waiting in our seats not being able to chat easily. He also realised the ladies wanted to chat about her op and following stuff. Problem is like most females they are tuned in to other conversations and she kept breaking into ours when C was in details about the Mastec etc.

I could write a book on the instances over many years during holidays, days out, dinner parties etc etc etc. Of course I am not allowed to comment to C even alone about her, I get "she has a lot on her mind" as if I didn't know and realise, but the cancer is very recent.

Yes - good means C has agreed, in fact came to me yesterday and added that she has no prob if I do the weeks course and fly there. I have stepped back 'because I wanted to' and will take 2 days course while we are there in the caravan. Need to firm up and book stuff like ferries etc.

Grumpa was not a nice guy as yousay , long time ago now.

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It's a shame nobody ever tried to treat her, what sounds like obsessive-compulsive negative thinking or it could well be that she'd still be cancer-free by now. I mean, I know I'm an heavy advocate of prevention being better than cure, but... that's taking the p*ss, all that - definitely too much pre-caution, whittling,...all round self-induced stress, to be healthy!

I mean, I don't even know her and she's already driving *me* bonkers! (Nurse? Chill Pill or Silk Cut 'n double Whisky for the woman in bed 4, please.)

One can spout the bleating propaganda about tobacco, etc., being the main triggers, but the fact is, stress still remains the number 1 cause (- and I know what I'm talking about, I did a lot of research into it, once). Hardly surprising with the crazy pace our lives are going at, these days, eh. Only it doesn't suit the over-capitalist "Fat Controllers" to have us realise this far greater link or else (yup) people might react (with the usual initial panic) by starting to pare-down their lifestyles, particularly their working lives, at the same time ceasing to indulgently 'need' to constantly buy new "things" + VAT (ker-ching-ker-ching!) with their disposable salaries after tax and NI (ker-ching-ker-ching!) and council tax and-and-and..., just because they have too little access to the *natural* wealth that is sunshine, open spaces/countryside masses, comfortable population levels, tighter knit and more supportive communities... Oh, and never enough to do indoors, whenever outdoors isn't hospitable enough (i.e. 9 months out of every 12) that doesn't *cost* anything or costs a more fair and reasonable amount.

'Show me the money'. Cuh! I'll show you a tree museum instead, pal (although it'll COST YA? :-p).

Aye, if people all started-, if they COULD start revolutionising the way they lived, the retail and leisure industries' turnover and profit margins would shrink dramatically..... meaning, less business and employee tax going to said Treasury.

Already, even the Spaniards, in certain regions, are slowly-but-surely succumbing to the pressures and brainwashing passed down the chain from der government via the greedy, commercial sector - by either agreeing or *offering* (in order to secure for themselves that edge over other job applicants or redundancy short-listers) to forego their until-now, centuries-old, set in stone tradition of taking a post-lunchtime Siesta, no longer staying up until 3am, to suit.

"WTF?!".

No Siestas. Yet still loads of (ker-ching!) Fiestas. Of course. They can just turn up tired in the morning or pop a Red Bull or three, eh.

(grumble-grumble)

Mr S and I will not be emigrating to anywhere near one of those regions, OH...NO. In fact, we're wondering if we should try our hand at that whole self-sufficiency malarchy ("help meee, (maaan,) I'm turning into a hippyyyyyy!" LOL) so that, if it ever comes to it on our timeline, we can say, SOD yer water-injected chicken and pig meat shipped from some battery "farm" somewhere (in some *lab* by then, I shouldn't wonder), and SOD yer artificially-grown, tasteless fruit 'n veg that you now have to cultiva-, I mean, ENGINEER, in tightly-packed greenhouses because your commercial and property sector has long squeezed even Spanish farming well and truly out - we're doing it OURSELVES!... the RIGHT AND HEALTHY WAY (prrth!).... and then re-name ourselves Tom-o and Barbara-o Good-io, LOL.

...They paved para-dise, puduppa park-iiin' lot (-ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, bup-bup!)

Take it away, Joni!..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmdbYSgGmXE

Here, once they start taxing us for Oxygen consumption - I'll be f**ked! I'd have to stop running around so much and, worse, talk less (- noooooooooooo!!!!).

...So that, ....'BAY-sick-ly',... is quite possibly why your pal's got the Big C, I reckon. And why "I'm a celebrity, get me outta here!!!".

[puts away soapbox]

"Of course I am not allowed to comment to C even alone about her, I get "she has a lot on her mind" as if I didn't know and realise, but the cancer is very recent."

Yes, and, as above, the cancer isn't her problem, just the PRODUCT of it.

[okay, NOT put away soapbox, LOL]

I don't know how you do it. Never mind mere 'bonkers', I could NOT sit around that elephant, pretending it wasn't there and say nuffink. I would either have to intervene with a serious talking-to and coupl'a spoonfuls of coffee granules shoved up her nostrils or have to stay away completely. ACH! You're obviously a more tolerant man than me, Gunga Din.

My "pa" would have told her, stop yer whittling or I'll give you summat to *really* cry about (- not literally, obviously). That's all the woman's really doing, isn't it - crying. Chronic, low-grade version.

"CHEER UP, LUV, MIGHT NEVER 'APPEN!". Or in her case, "else it MIGHT happen". Which it now has.

[sets light to soapbox]

Excellent negotiating, compromising and striking the deal, between yourself and Mrs C, there, by the way! Does that one go into the "Progress!" file as well, with all the others? :-)

PS: 'A long time ago'? Whath's 'a long tthime' mean? Anybogy got a dicthionary? Wiv fun pitchures to wook at? Uvverwise, I have to go 'n asthk my mummy, sthee if SHE knowths...

:-p

I needed the counselling

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Doubts still around about C needs counselling. Odd flare ups, but about one this morning, she said "maybe I got the wrong end of the stick" after it and I explained
In my mind that is often the case, stick and end- and she is so quick to flare.

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Going backward then forward.

--- The leg which I thought was very near sorted and next appt with specialist not till March, is giving me pain since a week ago, no where near the double fractures which seem to have healed, not nicely (won't win the prettiest legs at Butlins) but satisfactorily. So now got a fresh appt for 3 weeks + Xray. It helps that I can also do my annual SOR reporting that day while in the city. Been no sign of MAPPA for some time.

+++The effin dog howled all morning. Next door were out but I was doing stuff I could see someone arriving and there she was Mi. Managed to get her at front door and she was decidedely pleasant, had a smile, an explanation and apology. Told her I wasn't complaining, but just to let her know and she expressed her thanks, more than he M did when I raised it last week.

Going off tomorrow C and I on a trip to visit friends and rellies up north. Might take the laptop – might not.

I needed the counselling

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I guess MAPPA have got better things to do with their time than concentrate on the already 'cured', eh. Got bigger fish to fry, now. (YEAHHH, you hear that? - in the crim world, you're just a sprat. LOL)

Why did you tell the neighbour you weren't complaining (as if to suggest you were concerned solely about the dog's welfare)? You don't think being forced to hear a neighbour's dog barking and howling non-stop for lengthy periods comes under Noise Pollution or grounds for complaint?

Why only now is their dog causing a problem? Is it a new one, or have they changed their daily movements as leaves their dog on its tod for long periods?

I think if they let this situation go on, unaddressed, next time you should say, NOW I'm complaining about it. (I didn't take my complaint to the council after the third such incident (2am to 7am) and complaint to the owner/pub landlord because [1] I fancied a regular excuse to go for a long walk, anyway, and [2] WAS due to move house (hence, little point). But left to go on too long it can drive you MENTAL.

I'm not surprised your leg is giving you gip. It's very damp weather lately and even healthy bones don't like that (ache, ache..).

Are you saying C is being too quick to jump to un-generous conclusions, as in, Shoot first, ask questions later? Could it be she's taken on too much with this committee role and what with being Mrs Whittly's constant shoulder to lean on on top and it's leaving her short of patience?

I needed the counselling

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Me a cured sprat, not so sure it will smell OK but thanks yes I am. If and when they turn up I will still have a go about her at No4 and the subesquent phone calls. Then bring up the miscarriage of justice I was upset about. Not that it will lift my sentence.

We are playing a careful thing with next door re the howl. Just aiming to be pleasant and break them down that way and feel that's the way but I know what you mean and if it persists it will be a complaint. It is a new young pup and we can see their point too.

Been away from Tuesday and took the boot to ease the weight on the left leg but didn't use it, matter of convenience, but oddly even a fair bit of walking, not too much problem. Friends and rellies great hospitality and laughs. One of them in his 50s been through hell and back with his health and my stuff is a minor issue in comparison.

Yes ref C's reactions. I just play it safe, act dumb and can appreciate, empathise with wow! Her toughts about her good friend's health and also this new committee role. We had a super trip away, no harsh words and lots of time just her and me.

I needed the counselling

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Something going wrong in here. Will contact admin

I needed the counselling

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Have tried several times to leave a post and it's not appreaing. Have emails admin twice, no reponse yet.

I needed the counselling

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Snap! I posted last night (this and other thread) and today it's not there. I'll look into it.

I needed the counselling

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Well, anyway, whilst we wait for the missing posts to come back, I'll just add a few more thoughts...

I agree you should (nicely, reverently) bring No. 4 to MAPPA's attention. After all, leaving aside the fact of your miscarriage of justice debacle, they're there to ensure nothing tempts *any* of their subjects into re-"offending". That includes duresses. I'd say the behaviour of those two definitely count technically as a duress by *any* sane stretch of the imagination.

Appreciate you want to take a slowly-slowly approach with the owners of the puppy, though, considering. But do think about how you'd be reacting if you didn't already have "trobble at' t' mill" with the gits at No. 4 and at least use that as your yardstick. In the same way that you shouldn't have to relentlessly, day after day, undergo a repeat of being tried and judged (without any defense or even any court) by people not even remotely authorised societally to do so (arrogant sods), neither should you have to pussyfoot around other neighbours who are, let's face it, doing the distinct opposite when it comes to their- not just two sets of neighbours but probably a good eight or more? (I mean, the sound of a dog howling travels, right?) So just bear that in mind when adjusting downwards your Victor Meldrew 'inner dial'.

I needed the counselling

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Good afternoon, Just sitting by and waiting for admin to sort thins until I repost as so many repeated and then lost.

I needed the counselling

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Boring telly, so thought I would test the waters and add an extra bit.

Friday we had two calls at the door from police.

The first a MAPPA deliveryman PC with a letter telling me the local police station is closed and I must now report to the next nearest, which buggers up my planned movements this week but can be sorted.
Reorganising various trips and bus rides I had intended to include " annual signing in", an Xray and then a hospital consultancy. It still will include those but on a very different schedule.

Then after an hour or so with police helicopters above, a knock from another PC saying don't venture out or approach stray dogs as there are two vicious rottweilers loose and they have attacked a scholl boy.

I needed the counselling

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Well, those two dogs are going to be put down the minute they're caught, aren't they. How's the poor schoolboy doing, how serious were his injuries?

Another closing down of a local police station. Ye gods. Don't get me started.

And what with having to re-schedule your movement plans - WHO NEEDS TELLY! In fact, really, your post should have ended with a few "duff duffs", as in the Eastenders end title track intro.

I needed the counselling

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Very little info on the dog issue and the lad, but I think he is OK as we would have heard as he was local sec mod school.

The cops have just moved temporarily I gather, but the delivry cop just said go to your next station which I did yesterdayand got it out the way. Then they told me the other had moved in the city and I could have combined it as planned with the Xray visit. Anyway all done on the annual sign in and this station mucho faster than the other which was nice – in a way. Hate sitting there waiting, brings it all back.

Horrendous dream last night involving stuff I have never done or entertained, but was part of the police inquiry, so maybe brought on by my visit.

Woken this mornng about 7 with a tremendous crash indoors and it was part of a shelf over my desk that collopsed. Why I don't know, the main weight – books were on a lower shelf and all intact. Now not confident in self and health to fix it so have asked fave handyman to give a price.

Hope this site now settled. No idea what I said in the lost posts, but hey.....

I needed the counselling

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Doh! Well at least you'll know for next time... and maybe it'll be even faster at the city one? LOL, you'll be signed and out before you've even gone in!

And, ref the old waiting bringing it all back: course. So, all in all, it looks like Fate's just given you another wee pay cheque, then, doesn't it. :-)

"Horrendous dream last night involving stuff I have never done or entertained, but was part of the police inquiry, so maybe brought on by my visit."

No maybe about it. But, in terms of mental housekeeping, that was probably a final flourish with the feather duster, getting into the harder to reach corners... so it's all good.

Talking of Fate's subtle, 'hidden' signs: what do you think your bookcase "collopsing" (LOL) down means? (I like that accidental b*stardisation, actually, it better represents the size and weight of what fell - as in, collosal + collapse!) What was on the shelf or what was underneath that got collided with ("collopsided" LOL)? Or what was it/is it about 7am? Or that handyman, possibly? (dan-dan-DANNN!!!) If you can't say quite yet, watch that space and let me know.

Yes, it's settled. It was a totally unexpected, once-in-a-lifetime techie blip, not our Richard's doing at all (poor s*d was gutted.)

Talking (sarcastically) of totally unexpected: what do you think of the Paris attacks? Monsieur Soulmate and I have obviously been keeping abreast of all the latest every day via BBC and Sky News. And, worryingly, an old Parisian bestie schoolfriend of his has failed for the 4th day running to text him back to say he's safe and well, which apparently isn't like him.

Thankuck we're going to be off to a staunchly Roman Catholic country (87.8% out of the total population, with Spain being the 8th strongest out of 157 countries). You can say what you like about any religion but - Spanish Inquisition as but one "tiny" example, if it came to a 'punch-up' between the Caths and ISIS I think my money would go on the former every single time, ohhhh yes. If ISIS have done their historical research like wot I dun did, they'll give them a VERY wide berth, is my reckoning. (Other than that, there's always Mars? Plus, you know what they say - "A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play") (groan))

I research and analyse everything, I do. Even me toothbrush. And before you ask, I counted 200 bristles exactly. On my toothbrush, that is, not Mr Soulmate's chin (759).

.............What was the question again?

I needed the counselling

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Yes, next time hopefully quick when we go from home for several days, not likely in next few months.

I like that mental housekeeping theory thanks.

It was a feeble old git's fingers typo but I left it in as it's always been one of my sayings, like destructions (directions) several handed down from Dad.

The handyman coming tomorrow to advise and price as I can't get up and down on my desk or a step ladder to refix new shelves which I must buy. The upper shelf of 2 had 19 years of desk diaries (hevvie man), some draughting aids from my approentice (still used), several old board games, my mum's file and still mystified on it's demeeze. Totally no comparison with the lower shelf same length 1.5mtrs was full of my books mainly art jobs including Rolf on Art, plus some old tech CDs, couple of how to manuals (Windows for dummies etc), but all of that stayed intact, unbent and firm.

You're off? Have you signed in? Please don't leave me, must be a song there. Have a good break assuming that's what you're doing and take care of Him indoors.
Paris?? Dreadful and luckily our pals are OK. Religions are the cause of all strife in my book but I can't be anti any as it's what the person believes, trust and finds comfort in. I believe in something but am not religious in the true sense. Christened and all that …. But?

Research and analyse , blimey you are more intellectoral than I thought, lucky me.

I needed the counselling

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"The upper shelf of 2 had 19 years of desk diaries (hevvie man), some draughting aids from my approentice (still used), several old board games, my mum's file"

Woah!!!

Seems pretty obvious to me that Fate wants you to say goodbye to/draw a line under these parts of your past. (Can you think why?) Because you hadn't, it DID - forcibly and, "ahem", like an accident, in the hope that, what with you unable to re-erect the shelf.... resultant reaction obvious. What you're obviously being manipulated into doing, then, is to let the Hondaman (ha-ha) re-erect the shelf but put those contents in a box and, say, in the attic, in order to put all now obsolete issues with them to bed once-and-for-all, and to place present and future stuff on it instead.

That's your mission 'if you choose to accept it....dah!, dah!, daah-dah, dah!, dah!, daah-dah [sing along?], DIDDLE-UH....diddle-uh....diddle-uh...DAN-AH!

No, GOING to be off... when we move to Spain... where they have internet, LOL.

"Religions are the cause of all strife in my book"

Uh-uh. PEOPLE are. And they'll use whatever good tools for bad in the process (geddit right?).

The Parisian responded yestee (phew!) but cheers for caring.

Same here, btw: spiritual but not (man-made) religious.

Yeah, don't think being a secret geek intellectual somehow gives a person any advantages. There are downsides to everything, including that one. Indeed, the happiest people on the planet are those that barely think at all (fact). But I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full-frontal lobotomy (Oscar Wilde). Or would if I was into alcohol. I could squeeze Mr S into it, though, that might work? LOL

How's C doing lately?

I needed the counselling

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You and fate go hand in hand brain attached yeah?

OK Faith, tell me this.

Signing in at MAPPA earlier, I had the most hossible dream, maybe I told you, but it was excrutiatingly nasty and unthinkable, never had it before, having a lot of odd ones for many a month now, but this was nasty. Did my visit to sit in a police station bring it on?
Then this morning C was taking a call at breakfast from her buddy who is under the same ortho bloke as me and this morning he told her is to operate major on both hips mid Dec. Listening to her my problem leg started to nag with pain.

Anyway C is OK generally. When she gets tired about 8.30 onwards and we usually together watching TV or after, if I've been in other TV room she can seem awkward, sharp, impatient with me, maybe it's my feat.

I do think she is sometimes skirting round issues which could propagate a row and I have the pills to keep me in an understanding mode, but doing OK as a pair somehow.

I got air out last night by sending a stroppy complaints letter to our local newspaper. Unlikely to publish as they don't like it upem Cap'n.

The diaries in a box in the garage waiting for incinerator. Games going to tip, Mum's stuff waiting for me to go through, might bring some bits and pieces to mind. Mission accomplished?

What's he like the other way? A bottle of booze poured into him. Bet you've been through that, we have.

Paris will be in news for a while now of course. Waiting for it here is the downside.

Our nervy friend went to O2 to watch tennis with a friend on Sunday and hubby had to work really hard on her to go.

I needed the counselling

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Job hobbied yesterday, 30 quid and good. Stripped wall of detritus, desk of stuff. Now need pin board and get rid of blutak and cellotpe.

We ditched a lot of Mum's stuff. Who is going to want and keep it, not our S and D I doubt.
Her cheque book, pensio and savings books and other official papers will go with diaries.

Bone man mystified this morning as pain no where near fractures. Monitor it and Xray/visit early Jan.

Response from editor with explanations more than excuses but at least he replied.

C going alone to an informal function tomorrow night we both used to attend.
Our D is MC and she's good so sorry to miss out but I have done now for 3 years since crime. Pity won't see the little'un but we had a good dose of her at swimming this week.
A good 50% of them don't like me anymore. It shows so F them.
Will enjoy dinner, wine and TV all alone - no prob.

I needed the counselling

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Very perceptive of you - yes, Fate's my mate. As an exceedingly patterns (including cause and effect)-sensitive type, I've been objectively and scientifically studying its movements my entire life, and not just my own life, either. Everyone's that I come across.

"OK Faith, tell me this. Signing in at MAPPA earlier, I had the most [horrible] dream, maybe I told you, but it was excrutiatingly nasty and unthinkable, never had it before, having a lot of odd ones for many a month now, but this was nasty. Did my visit to sit in a police station bring it on?
Then this morning C was taking a call at breakfast from her buddy who is under the same ortho bloke as me and this morning he told her is to operate major on both hips mid Dec. Listening to her my problem leg started to nag with pain."

I imagine whatever medication you're on is, like a portal opening, facilitating more than normal your witnessing of the process - "dreaming" - of your mental back-room boys (your subconscious and unconscious) reading through every 'experience sheet', trying to fully comprehend their contents in order to correctly categorise (, duplicate where necessary,) them before either 'filing' them away in the archives (what goes in your Recall, what needn't) or ensuring they get actioned, by 'Memo-ing' other 'department heads and staff'. If it needs your conscious attention and input as well, it involves semi-conscious you (as and when you come up or are forced up from deep phase into REM), meaning you get to witness the process semi-consciously, where otherwise you mightn't, and remember them/be forced to on waking and throughout the day. Sense?

In some cases, you see, the only department that CAN act on the contents of this memo is the Conscious one. The backroom boys can't file it away until you do.

A *recurrent* dream is the back-room boys 'nagging' you to take note (because you've as yet failed to). A *very disturbing* recurrent dream is them finally losing their rag and yelling in your face ("We're not just going to be ig-NOOORED, Dan!") (- name the film).

If this recurrent dream became exacerbated/more disturbing following your visit to the station, then - yes, clearly there's a connection. But I can't possibly tell you what specifically it is, that's for you to work out and say - using the contents of what crashed onto your desk. Think about it: a desk is where you execute work; a shelf is not only where long-actioned, obsolete stuff goes but where you shove stuff you want to AVOID working on. The message is obviously this: something in amongst what was shelved should not have been, BERBOM.

PS: "hossible"? As in, get off yer "hoss" and drink yer milk? ;-)

I imagine your leg started twinging because you worry you might possibly end up facing the same fate? (Sorry, what ridiculous person again told you you lack empathy? You don't LACK it, IMO, you have TOO MUCH of it hence tend to try to keep that non-adjustable faucet turned constantly to Off, as in, better safe than sorry/better none than too much.)

Again - sense?

"if I've been in other TV room she can seem awkward, sharp, impatient with me, maybe it's my feat."

Maybe it's your what? Well - whatever. No, I think that's just her feeling neglected and ending up resentful and tetchy.

"I got air out last night by sending a stroppy complaints letter to our local newspaper. Unlikely to publish as they don't like it upem Cap'n."

Oh, excellent! May I see it? But anyway, that's GREAT. It means you're now [1] picking your battles and [2] taking things out only on things that deserve and warrant it.... or - not having had sight of it yet - so I presume?

"The diaries in a box in the garage waiting for incinerator. Games going to tip, Mum's stuff waiting for me to go through, might bring some bits and pieces to mind. Mission accomplished?"

No - incinerator my a*se - go through ALL OF IT or you might miss something importantly pertinent to your overall recovery.

Mr S barely drinks, same as moi. His father was an alcoholic. Me, I just don't rate the taste of most of it. We do on occasion like my own recipe Rrrrrrrum Punch, though (spit-spot!).

"Waiting for it here is the downside." Yyyup-AH! I'm a Shotokan karate-er and Mr S is au fait with most hand-guns and rifles (army then royal bodyguard). Not that those would do us any good, but we can kid ourselves in the meantime. You won't nowadays catch US going to any large, crowd-pulling venues like the O2 though, no siree! London, Brighton... stay away is my advice.

Just read this bit: "Her cheque book, pensio and savings books and other official papers will go with diaries."

HUGE CLUE? Maybe there be as-yet un-claimed-for money in them there hills somewhere???

"A good 50% of them don't like me anymore. It shows so F them."

:-)

I needed the counselling

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PS: does your final sentance show you're enjoying your own company more these days?

I needed the counselling

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I am only on Prozac regarding mind affecting drugs. I could have, bit didn't blow my top today with Vodafone and bank trying to top up, but after 30 mins on phone think it's OK now.

Your eruditeness is amazing thanks. As in earlier days I need to read and digest many times, but I don't think I can respond adequately. Luckily that dream was hopefully a one off and certainly not recurring.

Can't think of stuff on desk that needed sorting, maybe flinging away was enough.

Film? NO; but later wasn't that a Marion Wayne?

The prob lady Emma told me about empathy and lack of it. Incidently I saw a collegue of hers in the city and did enquire if her and the baby were fine. I got a positive response and I showed empathy there.

C just gets very tired early evening and dozes through most Tv what she and I watch and I put it down to that.
For Feat read fate.

I am a notorious letter writer amongst out gang . Here is the letter:-

****
Dear editor................co.uk

The …........... grandiose claims an Accuracy Advocate? What does it do? This is not the first letter I have sent, none published, of course they don't like criticism, like the media in general.

Oh dear the list goes on – maybe I won't report every error, don't have the time but here are new ones. It's not just errors spelling wise but in layout, colours, unproportioned photos. I am told personally by the editor that since they now use a digital process, mistakes happen. Parodon? but once upon and time there were proof readers. Now there is spell checker.

One of my cousins worked every night of his life for the Northen Echo, type setting, unknown now, but they won many awards.

What is the point of having an accuracy advocate?

Issue Nov 18.

Page 9........Felix Morris says theives went on a............
Page 10......Very dark photo of a family.
Page 13...... Large photo with loads of white space and a just readable size font.
Page 14.......County Man sent to jail admitted failing to......... what????
Page 15.......Very poor photo of a Redshank
Page 18....... The …..., who is in the photo?
Page 19.......Top brass on another jolly gets big spread
Page 47....... A sports person with a number, no name?
Page 52.......prem fitness vow??? How can Dijk VOW fitness?

Yours.....
**************

Have been through all Mum's stuff and we kept some. My diaries were only business not a day record like a personal blog

Whatever your tipple I am sure you enjoy in moderation and Mr S too. I have a friend who was head of secrurity on all royal helicopter landings.

Thankfully all monies etc dealt with.

I have always enjoyed my own company, more difficult since crime and affects, I manage to immerse myself in whatever book, TV but I still don't mind being left alone, like tonight when C goes out. Slight downside is darling littleone will be there with her parents.

Have a good weekend




I needed the counselling

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Annoying but they will get lesser.

Scenario – C gardening in the front today tending her much admired cottage garden in the best sunshine which kept her warm in the morning.

An ex neighbour from No 3, they are M and B who moved a few years back, now often does her speed walk exercise past us but usually as today on the far side of road. I could see her completely ignore C who was bum up, back to M and very involved in saving a favoured plant. So I can excuse C for not knowing M was passing. We used to be good pub pals with them, but we saw them at a charity do about 18 months ago and he (B) was very offhand but did acknowledge me, so I reckon they read my bad press. Oh well.

Later next door M came back with the pup from a walkies and passed the garden then went in without speaking to C who again I was sure did not clock M. Oh well.

I needed the counselling

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Oh how I wish MAPPA and then No2 and No4 could have been there.

Did our usual weekly swim session and as I was staggering back to my changing cube solutely knackered, I was nearly upended at the corner by two screaming but happy 3 ish year olds who had escpaped mum's clutches and were happily chasing round the cubicle area. Completely banned of course on the wet floor.

The girl was nekkid, he had his cossie half way down. They crashed into me, he slipped and started crying. Instinctively I bent and not without a lot of difficulty with my mobility and slippy floor I picked him up. He clung to me as the girl said that's not daddy. Mum then staff appeared and grabbed him thanking me profusely as he started bellowing louder,probably as kids do for even more effect. Then their granny arrived and took the girl and she very warmly thanked me too. Off they went to more screaming and also shouting back their thankyous.

I got a well done from one of the staff and went to dry down. Then a nice relaxing large cappuccino while waiting for C.

I needed the counselling

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I assume it must be me getting it wrong again but I was upset. I am up-in-arms with Vodafone at present but that's another story and not worth the time in here but this morning I was angry.

Last night, C commented about the mixed sex showers at the local pool stating that in the other person's case C would have used them proper nekkid regardless. I doubted her reminding that many times in the more recent past (I didn't mention an ageing concern about body shape) she has shunned the idea, yet in our early married years with and without the kids we quite happily used a naturist beach and also mixed showers at running events over the world.
She argued the opposite.

This morning, she is out early again at a committee meeting in a major role she vowed she would never accept but has done, as in not doing so would threaten the group. We have agonised over this for months, but she is doing it with my agreement, I don't use blessing.
This is the 2nd such meeting this week and we are now thinking of a new laptop for her and a desk. All Ok we can do it, but as she left I asked if she is really up for this, thinking of pressure she will face, it's not just a year commitment and it's all female and many over 60.
She retorted “don't keep pressurising me” in forceful tones. I kept schtum.

I am only concerned not pressurising. It's herlife as well as mine. I want her to do the quite onerous job well, but her reaction bit.

I needed the counselling

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(Soz for massive delay, had massively busy week (bleugh!))

Wow, what a spillage! Got lots of questions...

1. Not that it wasn't well structured and articulate nor held truthful basis (I'll bloody say - ALL papers these days!), but I'm afraid that letter came over, from between the lines, as a giant griping session (which spoiled it, as in damaged the leg you were standing on). Can you see why I say that if you read it back again and pretend David Cameron wrote it rather than you?

2. I don't think you're angry at Vodafone et al, actually. I think you're mad (or were at point of posting) at C. You seem resentful at how you feel unable to pin her down, opinions gelling with evidence wise. And yet you at the same time seem loath to pick any bones with her over her apparent contradictions and about-turns. True?

3. Let's try a little exercise: Would you ever shoplift?

4. "(I didn't mention an ageing concern about body shape)". Course not. You're miffed, not outright suicidal! LOL But all joking aside - question: what would have happened if you HAD (assuming you'd have couched it as tactfully and sensitively as poss)?

5. In describing how she is now, why have you chosen as your yardstick C decades back instead of C, say, last year or the year before or even only 5 years back?

6. ...and can you tell me exactly WHEN it was (not including those early years) that she hit the point where became a noticeable transition from nigh-on naturist to how she is now?

7: If not - which one of you, allegedly, is Sleeping Beauty (as in, has only just 'woken up' and noticed the grass is 5ft taller): [a] You? [b] Her? [c] Bit of both? [d] Neither?

8. If any answer before 'neither': What do you suppose, hazarding a guess, put one or the pair of you to sleep 2+/- decades ago?

8. "she is doing it with my agreement, I don't use blessing". That just translates to GRUDGING agreement. Why did the decision require 'agonising'?

9. Why didn't you want to say 'agreed grudgingly'?

10. ...And why did the fact they're all female and mostly over 60 require special mention?

11. What are you 'scared' of?

I needed the counselling

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(Oops! Call it 8a and 8b, LOL)

I needed the counselling

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Another wow! because you are always so wordy and knowledgeable. I can't answer your excellent post now but will over the weekend as we are very busy with stuff Voda again, painting I am dying to get back to here's one I started yesterday, lunch out with pals at a new place, then cinema (Tom Hanks latest).

You are far more busy than me with your multiple counselling, therapy, teaching and family things and also in here.

Have a good weekend. I'll be back

I needed the counselling

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That's fine and - I can hardly talk, can I, jeez, I've been having to apologise profusely for my AWOL on every single one of 'my' threads!

What's Tom Hanks latest? I love him! (Tell me once you're ready.)

I needed the counselling

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You don'd need apols all round with your load. But after our heady number of posts I can undestand.
I tend to fire those letters to press off just after I have finished seething at the crap way they are published, so not a great deal of thoughts, but the ed has apologised in a way.

1/ I was very angry at Voda and we think they sorted it for us yesterday, after two visits to their local shop and 3 long online chats with their help ctr.

2/ Yes I am loathe to pick at C because the atmosphere it creates, her usual firing off at me and huffing off. I honestly think I am scared of her now.

3/ I have shoplifted ; last time in my late teens I think and it was a top shelf mag.

4/ I think she would react about body shape issues in not the nicest ways but she knows herself. Men are not allowed to say these things are they.

5/ Because I couldn't remember exactly when she decided about not being bare in front of folk.

6/ No I can't sorry, but would guess in the early 80s.

7/ Her “ I think” mainly because I have had a history in a comedic caberet of completely stripping off in front of crowds from 12 people to 800 people on stage. I would have you know I had an international reputation for it for several years! People would greet me saying “I didn't recognise you with your clothes on”.
All over for the past 15 when I slowed down and took backstage letting others do it or nor not do it and do other things.
8a/ Don't get you
8b/ Not grudging, more concerned for her then us in terms of intrusion into life, her getting very upset and it reverberating on me.

9/ Maybe wrong use of word agonising, but we have discussed it and worried over it and she has asked my advice about it. She did say she wouldn't take on the role of treasurer, happy to help out but not the job, but has done because she believes many old ladies would suffer as the group fell apart and stalled. I don't grudge her taking it on. I have been through all the situations that face these roles and she hasn't ever had a full blooded committee role.

10/ The local WI is all women of a certain age and they have had several female only bust ups, walk outs, toys out of prams and rows about positons, activities, who does what, that's my job etc etc. Bunch of women together is not the ideal way to have placid calm is not only my feeling, it is many of the family and friends opinions too.

11/ What am I scared of. I know I have lost a lot of credibility in her mond and with family and friends who know about my crime. I am scared of being disregarded in every sense and often feel very much the underdog, someone at the side of things, doesn't matter what he says, his opinion is of no consequence.

I have crashed this in during an hour or two at home part of a weekend of 8 elements so far. It is now 4pm Saturday. I have done the best I can against your superior intellegence argument.
8 elements – Lunch out with friends, Visit Voda, Cinema for “Bridge of Spies” (see it spell binding) Attend illustrated talk at art gallery- superb, take computer to fix it shop, time off at home, go out to dinner and stay with friends (she of the worries and mastectomy), meet gang, finally get home and chill out tomorrow evening.

I needed the counselling

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1. You were EXTRA angry at Vodaphone and the paper because inside that Pandora's Box was stored-up irritation, frustration and resentment caused by your inability to get C to discuss niggles calmly and rationally. Human nature is, you open its lid and it ALL flies out! Takes a lot of emotional maturity and control to fashion a makeshift 'dial' on that thing.

2. "2/ Yes I am loathe to pick at C because the atmosphere it creates, her usual firing off at me and huffing off. I honestly think I am scared of her now."

Scared of her reactions, you mean. Then you'd better tell her that and quick-sharpish before that rots sets! Take her to a small, intimate, QUIET restaurant (your shout) and tell her honestly but camly (think Mr Spock but with Kirk's puppy-dog-eyes look) how disappointed you are lately that you can't get your one and only teammate to want to help you with sorting (bud-nipping) any small problem occurring in the team's project - TogetherForeverville - because that signals a breaking-down of the team itself (via what is just "argh, shut up!" in acted-out motion) or, if it isn't, will still bring ABOUT a breaking-down if said buds are allowed to grow into ruddy great, VERY prickly and hard to bypass thorn bushes.

Procrastination doesn't work as an avoidance technique because things left untended just grow bigger...and bigger..., meaning her (and now your) avoidance measure is so far left of Stupid it enters Benny-From-Crossroads or Bart Simpson territory.

3. "3/ I have shoplifted ; last time in my late teens I think and it was a top shelf mag."

I didn't ask you if you'd ever shoplifted. I asked if you ever WOULD. Would is present-future tense. (Cuh! Pay attention at the back, there.)... I'll have to stop there until you give me the actual answer.

I needed the counselling

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Yes scared of her reactions.

I have thought about how to tell her as you suggest but not in a quiet restaurant. There ain't such a thing these days and then we would have to whisper anyway. I think it will have to be at home. I did try the letters and she called them weird but never ever brought them up and opened a discussion about them. S'pose I should have but didn't.

When I think back, it appears we have never been able to sit and talk things through and gradually forgot the awkward stuff and just got on with life. It was very evident then and hasn't changed she doesn't like confrontation – with anyone, easy stuff (to me) like complaining about a meal that's not right in a restaurant.

Whoops. No I wouldn't ever shoplift - now. So....?

Of our 3 day weekend all went busily well but I am getting to the point where I have difficulty being with two of C's long term close friends. C understands too.
Lunch out Friday was a good meal but A her pal from working days (from the 60s) has verbal diarrhea, always had plus a extremely shrill loud voice, now part deaf so that explains things to a point. C goes to visit her and can never get a word in on any subject. A just monopolises talking and does so in company.
C gets pissed off with her too because of that, but would never close it down. Double mastectomy there too.
A's 2nd hubby is bearable and we try our best to mantalk.
C and I were alone early on for a while and I said “ I don't know about you, but I am exhausted already” and she chuckled and agreed.

We stayed overnight on Saturday after a superb dinner. O is an expert cook, but his wife another C, the worrier/mastectomy lady looks through life with rose tinted glasses. She had a right go at him during the meal which he had created singlehandedly when we were chatting about a mutual friend, we all do that don't we when they're not present?
His C won't have a disparaging word about ANYONE although she agrees.

Please don't get on to me and analyse about those last two things - C's pals. I am just off loading because they were a big part of the Fri and Sat and you are a trusted unknown person of high intelligence and knowledge, and the only person I talk to like this so be it. Apart from C on those two where we freely chat on them.

Just finished a really testing painting, a still life, going on my website and am now catching up with important stuff which should have been in my list of things to do. Sorry 'bout that.

I needed the counselling

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YES, YOU'D HAVE TO (almost) WHISPER (- ketchup, baby tomato?). And yes there ARE still intimate restaurants to be found. Stop making excuses, you.

Anyway....

3. No, you wouldn't ever shoplift.

You sure about that? What if your granddaughter's very survival depended on it because all of you were too poor to afford food shopping?

4. "4/ I think she would react about body shape issues in not the nicest ways but she knows herself. Men are not allowed to say these things are they."

Not just men. But anyway, I have to pause again because what I actually asked was, what would happen if you DID? React HOW? Describe it.

I needed the counselling

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I would most likely get a frosty remark about body shape.

Ah! a trick question, yes I would if we had to survive. If it was the end of the world, I would follow the flow in that respect.

You must think I am being a right ache in the nether regions with my constant posts in PP but as you know I genuinely value and in fact need your responses.

I needed the counselling

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BTW Dog issue seems to be resolved.

I needed the counselling

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"You must think I am being a right ache in the nether regions with my constant posts in PP but as you know I genuinely value and in fact need your responses."

Nope! (And don't start that malarchy all over again.) That's what we're all here for. I, personally, am not a sprinter, anyway, I'm a marathon-runner. Next question?

Listen, you insult yerself as much as you want but don't try to rope ME into it! ;-p

Anyway, this was just a very quickie to bump you up ready for tomorrow or Sun. Can't say which yet because, talking of my nether regions, Mr Soulmate is in his usual 'duvet camp' mood.

(I expect that was a case of TMI? I bloody *love* how forums let you do that! LOL)

"Laters"!

I needed the counselling

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Righto, let's reiterate..

(1. You were EXTRA angry at Vodaphone and the paper because inside that Pandora's Box was stored-up irritation, frustration and resentment caused by your inability to get C to discuss niggles calmly and rationally. Human nature is, you open its lid and it ALL flies out! Takes a lot of emotional maturity and control to fashion a makeshift 'dial' on that thing.

2. "2/ Yes I am loathe to pick at C because the atmosphere it creates, her usual firing off at me and huffing off. I honestly think I am scared of her now."

Scared of her reactions, you mean. Then you'd better tell her that and quick-sharpish before that rots sets! Take her to a small, intimate, QUIET restaurant (your shout) and tell her honestly but camly (think Mr Spock but with Kirk's puppy-dog-eyes look) how disappointed you are lately that you can't get your one and only teammate to want to help you with sorting (bud-nipping) any small problem occurring in the team's project - TogetherForeverville - because that signals a breaking-down of the team itself (via what is just "argh, shut up!" in acted-out motion) or, if it isn't, will still bring ABOUT a breaking-down if said buds are allowed to grow into ruddy great, VERY prickly and hard to bypass thorn bushes.

Procrastination doesn't work as an avoidance technique because things left untended just grow bigger...and bigger..., meaning her (and now your) avoidance measure is so far left of Stupid it enters Benny-From-Crossroads or Bart Simpson territory.)

*****

3. "yes I would if we had to survive. If it was the end of the world, I would follow the flow in that respect"

My point for asking was to remind you of how some aspects of so-called reality are just man-made subjectivities or only transient truths thus must about-face with any likewise change of holding context, MEANING, either you aren't being mindful of those changes OR missus isn't and just has yet to alter her habits (update old opinions and broadcasting of them). In application, this could mean she's unaware she's spouting old, now-obsolete feelings and opinions when she says she "isn't" or "wouldn't ever" something (or vice-versa). It doesn't therefore mean she's hypocrisising herself deliberately when she, quote, argues the opposite. But what it DOES show is that she's 'holding onto' the her of the past and part-way resisting the awareness of her having aged and changed.

And that, actually, is to be expected when around about that era is when her mind was too busy to be self-noticing and -monitoring. That's why I used the term Sleeping Beauty. It's like she to an extent got put on Pause. And the same would apply to you, HENCE you being unable or less ready in your mind to find (remember) "a more recent C" to put forward as your yardstick.

Capiche?

If so, try to feel less annoyed with her over it (or the symptomatic product of it) because, as I hope you can now see and appreciate, you 'slept' TOGETHER so would have that - and associative symptoms - in-common.

4. "I would most likely get a frosty remark about body shape."

Well, could you not phrase it a more diplomatic way, such as, 'Ah, yes, but in actual fact, that was how we were when we were young, firmer and less all-round bodily inhibited, wasn't it. You even MORE than me...you were quite the Flower girl, weren't you, that was one of the things that impressed me about you (back when it was appropriate for you)'. Note the Royal 'we' and the compliment.

Another exercise: Let's pretend I'm obese and you're concerned about it. Using the above type of tact, let's now hear you trying to tell me, without 'my' turning round and roaring your hair off your head or slamming the sitting-room door off its hinges.

5 + 6. "5/ Because I couldn't remember exactly when she decided about not being bare in front of folk."

WHY not? You were there, I take it? Try harder. No 'guessing'. Give it some real thought and report back.

- PAUSE -

"7. Her “ I think” mainly because I have had a history in a comedic caberet..."

No, this question wasn't about body confidence, it was to do with which of you you thought had experienced, or experienced most, an era containing personal statis (during when you were acting-out, the affairs and such). (Ref this and roll-on question 8a:) Who's attention got DISTRACTED?, in other words.

RSvP.

I needed the counselling

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Thanks for above, too intellectually deep and complicated for me. Sorry.

One thing I have managed to get out in the open is that C is very like her best pal, the other C with breast, backseat driving and worries. She did admit it and I didn't get it in the neck. The end of Thurs we were both pissed off with C when we got back from concert.

Voda still crap and now daughter got it in for them. I spent several hours yesterday on the chat online and also in their local shop and still not resolved. She was with C in the smoke all day enjoying themselves. Sounds like they had great time, I did the ferrying to and from the station for both. Both well pissed but rightly celebrating a big number birthday nearly 2 years back.

Got a letter in local press last week – at last, moaning about their lack of accuracy.

Had a laugh over No 4's antics today.

Our little laddy with all the problems coming on really well and gives me lots of hope for him..

Busy 2 weeks coming up and then I will be really bah humbug, but the 2 weeks will be fun with several parties and gatherings with people I mostly like, no mostly like me since my crime.

Big article in S/Times today about male suicide. Have thought about writing in privately, bet they haven't much from people who failed at it.

Pleased to hear that you surfaced for a short while from the duvet camp, but then got sharply back for more happy camping away from the pooter.

I needed the counselling

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The notorious letter-writer of the gang, including to broadsheet editors, who heads committees, whose vocab includes 'eruditeness', 'advocacy', 'monopolises', etc., knows the correct way to spell the widely common confuser that is 'diarrhea', who has a friend employed by royalty/its entourage, no less, (a Like, whose communication style would accordingly have to be sophisticated and that you yourself would have to comprehend) and whom enjoys films about complicated, Cold War espionage scripted by the Coen Brothers in a style not unlike John Le Carre,... finds the above too intellectually deep and complicated for him?

I needed the counselling

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Reading your words comes difficult to me, much rather hear them, discuss, understand and respond, but know that's not going to happen.

A weekly highlight of many years was totally ruined last night by an arrogant barstard in the usual gang, gang is maybe the wrong word, the same group get together every Monday. He is ex Army officer and don't we and others know it. Big voice, big mouth, arrogance personified, little man actually, unliked by most, got the whole 40 of us barred from a fave city pub because of his effin dog. Not the first time it's caused an upset but not ALL of us barred. There will be repercussions. One of our arguments will be their loss of biz. Hopefully he will be barred by us.

I am very depressed. Last night only added to other stuff like growing incontinence, leg, arthritic head ache every night, dexterity, clumsiness, balance, spaced out feeling, unsure of directions, memory loss, want to stay in bed, rather stay at home than go out, what possibly happens with the neighbours when I do, sense of despair with myself and yes still got ideas on suicide. Be best out of it etc etc. I think ahead at what we have planned and can look forward to, but things over ride all that. Apparently I was aiming for a fight in bed in my sleep last night and C had to wake and subdue me before I lashed out.

Just had dental check and all not bad considering age and age of fillings. Now off swimming.

I needed the counselling

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Depressed and off to swimming, eh? ;-)

"much rather hear them"

And I'd much rather be in Spain already. But we can't all have what we want ("mleugh!"), can we.

I'm not surprised you're very 'depressed' and expressing it physically (in terms of exacerbation). Venting about things without identifying their root cause then dealing with them whatsoever - rather, shoving them under the rug - will tend to do that. Your poor brain needs comprehension and closure and you're not giving it.

My poor brain detests rugs with dirt and detritis under them. BLEUGH. And I'm more stubborn than you, Gunga Din.

So where does THAT leave you? Ooooh...going back to re-read until you DO understand them (and can respond), I imagine. You had to do that as a nipper when learning to read, remember?

Hut-hut-HUT!, soldier...

I needed the counselling

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Swimming like any exercise does me good and wiped some of the feelings especially from the night before away.

I do try to help in here when it's on a subject anywhere near me. Me me me........

C and I are on a good position at the moment and I feel she is doing her bit to keep it that way. When everything was new and raw a year ago, it was painful as you know and stepped in and helped. With me it is a lot of learning to be patient, empathetic. She has taken on this new committee role which she seems to be coping with and enjoyed yesterday as it was a formal tea (little fingers raised) at the big house yesterday with her ladyship, she came back enthralled and I listened with interest.

Yes must attempt to read back and try to understand your words.

Thought I might get a call from MAPPA yesterday as I recognised a car number coming towards me across the common and instinctively waved, then I spotted it was 'im from No 4.

Painting good good at moment gives me something to go at. I don't vent at the work, but I am on a charge with it at present. Bad stuff is gradually distancing itself.

Have a good weekend



I needed the counselling

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Swimming like any exercise is always good and wiped some of the feelings especially from the night before away.

Thought I might get a call from MAPPA Friday as I recognised a car number coming towards me across the common on Thursday and instinctively waved then I spotted it was 'im from No 4.

Painting good at moment gives me something to charge at.

I get it, you don't want to bother as frequently with a sad old git who can't give up moaning. I do try to help in here when the subject/problem is anywhere near me. Me me me........ I will look in from time to time.


*************This is where I say goodbye. I realise I am just an old man getting tired and less happy with the world in general.
I am moaning all the time and every step seems to be loaded with a problem of some sort either real or imagined. I do have fun and laughs but not in the same way as before my crime. C and I have been very busy all weekend amongst family and friends and they have been happy times.
I can't be pestering good people all the time with my mini issues, I must get over them myself.

Goodbye and thank you

I needed the counselling

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"I get it, you don't want to bother as frequently with a sad old git who can't give up moaning."

Wrong.

"Yes must attempt to read back and try to understand your words."

Correct.

[waiting...]

I needed the counselling

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Thanks for your response but I don't want to burden you any more with the trivial but hurting little spats that happen probably to every couple.
Another today prompting to look in here, but so damned stupid and NOT MY FAULT.
That's it.

I needed the counselling

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Your ears must have been burning, I was just thinking about you and whether I should throw you a bone of a knock because my gobsmacking patience was giving you the wrong impression.

You don't want to 'burden' me? Oh? Why not? Maybe I LIKE being 'burdened'?

Listen, don't make me paste in the YouTube link of Mrs Doyle a second time (ref other thread). Once is enough, let's face it.

I needed the counselling

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I do have to pop out for a wee while, though, in a min so - take all the time you need to set your thoughts down 'on paper'.

I needed the counselling

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This the first thing I have done when booting up the pooter. I forgot in my unhappy mood last night to leave with all the very best wishes to you and yours for a happy christmas and new year.

I woke up much better and I softened the atmosphere last night and C did too.

I honestly feel my probs are the sort of thing I must sort out myself and I am doing all I can.

All the family together today at our son's at high noon and we leave with taxi at eight. I have prepared special envelopes for the 3 ankle biters as a result of picture sales. Did my usual (bloke) thing of getting C's pressie on Wednesday, I know she will like it ( A fave I chose for her maybe 50 years ago from Nina Ricci).

Our daughter in law's dad doesn't like me any more but I got that message a year ago and just get on with things. His loss.

House party tomorrow evening for three couples of our close friends and we have been busy preparing.

In the meantime C + pal must prepare an event tomorrow for the usual gang of reprobates on Sunday and we hope to get a reasonable breath of fresh air in the country round here.

I also thought about you but have resisted a visit here on the basis of para 3 above. I must get on.

Seasonal greetings and thanks

I needed the counselling

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Well, okay, fairenoughski. If you really think it's time you flew completely solo, regardless of weather conditions, then that's fine by me. You can always pop in from time to time, like you say.

But it's not rocket science to appreciate what's behind C's prickliness lately. She's over-stretched herself with this committee position on top of her other routines and her friend needing to lean on her, etc. Never mind, at least it's something she'll get used to and better organised at in time.

Was wondering: could you in the meantime help with the admin side of it, though? Be her back-room man? Just until SHE can fly solo (without having to channel her need to vent through you)? [wiggles eyebrows, hoping the irony (if that's the word) won't go unnoticed]

After all, if one person benefits your life or mental strengths in whatever ways without asking any fee, then isn't it only right and proper that the beneficiary turns around and passes on whatever benefits to the next poor soul who needs it...combined with charity beginning at home and all that? [wiggles eyebrows again, hoping they won't fall off]

Yep, Happy-, well...Happy Boxing Day actually (yikes - time for bed, says Zebedee!).

I needed the counselling

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Popped in as promised.

First A very happy new year to you and yours.

Our Christmas day and NewYear Eve went well, even DIL's dad and I got on well.

I have been doing more backroom stuff for a few months now and it is working.

I am serious about going it alone thanks. It's silly - an old git like me begging for help. Although I brought it on myself, I think I have mastered ways of curbing my negative thoughts against C's attidude and am really making great efforts in keeping a smooth flow and don't mention John Smith's foul tasting liquid sold as ale.

Our Guensey pals went back yesterday and we've had fun and lots of drinky poos.

Blood test today for cholestrol and other stuff, so will be hitting the bad %'s but not bothered. X ray this morning ready for specialist on Fridy ref leg and that will be my main focus, outside C and I, shes off skiing in 2 weeks, whoops! No snow.

Her b'day Wed and dinner with friends booked.

Soulmate, it's been difficult but extremely useful and uplifting to be in here and under your care and advice........It worked – thanks again.

I needed the counselling

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Taa verreh moch, Gov'nah! Same to you and yours. :-)

I was completely on my tod (well, sort-of, had it not been for the phone ringing non-stop all day) and bloomin' loved it! So evidently I need more Me Time than I'm currently getting. There again, saying that, maybe I don't... because since he came back on Boxing Day night, Mr S and I seem to have experienced another 'growth spurt'. I didn't even know we could! But apparently, yes. So we're both extra-extra-EXTRA exceptionally happy and loved-up bunnies. (LOL, we'll be starting to wear matching jumpers if we don't watch it!)

No, it's not silly. Old or young - no man is an island. I had to learn that one myself, the hard way.

Good luck with the leg assessment! I would say 'break a leg', but, er... LOL.

Off skiing and no snow? Oh, dear. If that's not a bit of a bum-spank from the hand of Fate I don't know what is! What's she done to deserve it?

PS: Again - "de nada". Or in your case - de 'nana (heh-heh-heh). ;-)

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