Marriage at 17
Here's the problem: me and my boyfriend met last year in May, so now we have been together for 1 year and 5 months. At the start we have had many problems, including my ex boyfriend stalking me (which my boyfriend mistook for cheating on him actually, so he doesn't fully trust me since then and likes to always bring it up in our arguments). Anyway,when he went to Spain for holiday and I found out he went to a strip club, and two other night clubs. This was all right at the start of our relationship (first 2/3 months).
When we both returned from our holidays we argued a lot but since mid September last year we were fine, we have had the occasional arguments but it was never major however now since both of our families are talking about us getting married, we have been arguing non stop. Me and him are only 17, turning 18 really soon and it sounds crazy that we want to get married but that's what we have been planning to months now. Anyway, there are many reasons why I am now questioning my choice and I would really like some advice....
1) he isn't always honest with me- he lies about how much he pays for the things he gives me (I honestly don't care what he spends on me, it could be as little as £1 but the point is WHY LIE?) I've confronted him about it but he always avoids giving me a real answer, he just accuses me of caring how much he spends on me.
2) his ex- right before our ONE YEAR anniversary I found out that his ex girlfriend was texting him for his birthday which was 5 months before. I got really annoyed naturally, because he was hiding it from me for 5 months. Who would do that? I mean come on, if my ex did that he word be the first to know about it. Obviously since then I'm completely paranoid, recently it got worse because I feel the need to check his internet history, and even recently I've found that he was on Facebook talking to girls (but he told me he DEACTIVATED IT .
I'm really stuck here because I know he loves me, he proved it a lot already and I love him too but I don't know if I can trust him, I really don't.
For the past 2 months me and him have been going downhill, it's getting worse day by day and I feel like we will be over sooner that we know it.
Last week I've confronted him about all the above and we have decided that we both need space for a while so I've found myself an apprenticeship so I'll be busy and he will be going to South London for the weekends, just as he is today. I'm really stuck with any options, I'm trying my best to save our relationship but it still feels like a friendship. I've been raking him on dates, buying him gifts and cards and doing everything else I can to be spontaneous but it doesn't seem to be helping.
Because of all this recent drama he decided not to get married yet and wait till we are 20 but since we are Muslim we shouldn't wait as it becomes haram (we are not not allowed to be in a relationship) . this is also mainly due to his mother who disagrees with the marriage all of a sudden, and she keeps filling his mind with thoughts to be married after he is 21 even. I could wait for him till then, but I am far too afraid of being in a relationship that God doesn't approve of.
I guess what I want to know is....what the heck can I do?
Should I leave him, or stay and wait for him?
Hey, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I've been through a rough breakup after dating someone for two years so I understand where you're coming from. People from my ex's school were even texting me and calling me about all the drama that happened so I totally get your situation. Honestly he sounds a lot like my ex, and I think you should end it. You shouldn't marry someone who you can't trust. I couldn't trust my ex at all but I loved him to pieces so I stayed with him for a long time, but now being apart from him and breaking up I learned that trusting someone is the only way to have a good relationship.
Good luck with whatever you decide, I wish you the best
You are probably going to live until you are 95 or so. You want to make such a big decision at 17?
BOYS this age are incapable of having a committed, exclusive relationship. It's really unfair to expect it of them.
Don't get forced into marriage just because you want male attention.
Get your education, a career, a house and car and THEN choose your man.