Dating my ex's friend
So a few weeks ago I met this guy.
His my ex's friend. A very old ex of mine like 4 years ago. We were never even serious, we dated for a year on and off.
So the other weekend we were all together just drinking then me and his friend started to talk like general staff and realised we got so much in common and enjoy each other's company.
We honestly just clicked I never saw it coming. I like him alot
We were together for the whole week and then my now bf decided he is going to tell his friend about us so there isn't any bad vibes.
Honestly I wasn't thrilled about it since our thing is so fresh but i understood that he didn't want to be bad friend and he wanted our relationship to be honest and open.
He did and now they had a fall out which has also affected our relationship.
my 'bf' is pissed. He hasn't been speaking to me for days.
The other guy is not talking to him and whats stressing him is they business projects together and this has affected those business interest.
And their friendship of many years (10) has also been affected.
I don't know I now feel so bad - I totally understand this guys frustration with everything. I just wanted to talk to someone about this
What sucks is for the 1st time in such a long time I genuinely liked someone for who he is not what he has. He is such a great guy. He was super excited about our relationship and wanted a commitment and now I feel like he now regrets this whole thing
Isn't any bad vibes. HA-HA, who does he think he's kidding! Most men don't HAVE a sense of brotherhood when it comes to love and war ("all's fair..."). No, this is more likely male-to-male competitiveness, his wanting to posture to your ex, to say, 'I got your Lambourghini and can handle her JUST FINE... unlike you!'. So apparently, then, either this new bf of yours has some overdue axe to grind with your ex or their friendship has always been of the constantly competitive vareity (in which case they shouldn't have teamed up).
And there you were - somewhat pleased that he was basically going to stick it to your ex (inadvertently on your behalf as well as his own). Oh, I know your MOUTH is saying you weren't thrilled. But not thrilled is as not thrilled *does*, whereas, your action - failing to have put your foot down against his doing it (or doing it so soon) - gives you away on that score. You did the passive version of, Yes, go for it!
Two aims achieved for the price of one action, eh? Why didn't you and newbie together just lie in wait one night down a dark alley and MUG him? LOL
But seriously, I fail to see how p*ssing off a friend/colleague and (your) ex could detriment YOURS AND HIS relationship, not in any meaningful or lasting way. Surely it could only do that if it were a case of, Mission accomplished, meaning, you were now superfluous to secret requirements? I mean, he may have a lot on his plate because of the falling-out. But that surely wouldn't stop him from meantime sending you reassuring messages to make sure you didn't throw in the towel or wander off, bored, into the arms of another man? Or do you think maybe in reaction to the news, your ex has been threatening him or holding something to ransom, business-wise?
Also, it doesn't take a genius to work out that this confession carried a *very* high likelihood of he and your ex falling out because of it. So why did he go ahead, regardless, despite even the project could end up suffering? In other words, what was it he wanted to achieve that felt worth this massive risk? That's why I suspect there's some old axe in the mix.
Let's see, though. It's a bit too soon to tell whether you were being used mainly as a cosh to hit his friend over the head with (- job done, thanks for that, now I'm off because I'm (er) too busy, bye-bye). It could be that he really, genuinely doesn't have time or room in his head whilst his friend/partner is acting up or downright bouncing off the walls, leaving chaos in his wake that newbie has to clear up. A bit more time featuring sudden re-contact or zero contact will tell.
The ex is having such a huge reaction because, basically, his friend/partner has not just 'got one up on him' but is now also (he'd think) getting to be made privy to all his most personal secrets, those which he otherwise would never have known and which due to their intimate and 'mushy' nature feel excruciateingly embarrassing and humiliating. Anger is easier to express when you're a man, though. So anger it is. He'll need time to calm down.
It's not good, though, whichever way you look at it. I mean, people never find time for other people anyway, including to send them emails or texts or give them a quick phonecall. They MAKE time.
So why isn't he making even just 2 piddly minutes to ensure you don't slip out of his until now apparently eager grasp?
I don't know yet, is the short answer, need more data. Could be he used you (possibly without even realising it until now); could be he's trying to keep the peace by not contacting you in order to sound genuine when he placating-ly tells your ex he's 'not seeing you now' (little white, semantics-based lie) whilst, possibly, in reality just waiting until exipoos calms down and sees sense; could be that he's just so stressed and p*ssed off at the unexpected over-reaction and subsequent practical mess that he's incapable of multi-tasking thus must compartmentalise you for the time being.
When you say he hasn't spoken to you in days, do you mean he simply hasn't initiated any call/text like usual or that he's not even entertaining any such attempts from you?
its not bad!read my article about friends with benefits https://kovla.com/blog/whats-friends-benefits-real/
!hope it will be helpfull!