Stay or go
I have been married for 7 years. We have a 3 year old daughter. My husband works a 12 hr rotating shift job that he complains about constantly. He works 4 days and is off for 4 days. His job is his excuse for not helping out around the house. I work FT as well but, according to him bc I work a desk job - its not really work. His job is physically demanding. He is almost 50 years old and I have to ask him to do things. If I don't ask he will sit on the couch and watch TV. His idea of spending time with our daughter is letting her play by herself so he catches up on the Steve Wilko show. He will help but will usually make a snide comment when asked. I'm tired of having to ask. So, I don't. I take on all of the work and I literally do everything from paying the bills to cleaning the toilets and I resent him. We don't sleep in the same bed bc he refuses to wear his sleep mask but, its me. I'm a light sleeper. We have sex once every 5 months bc honestly I don't even enjoy it anymore and he is so heavy I cant breathe. On the days he works I do it all bc he is gone for 14 hrs. On the days he is home I expect him to help out wo being asked. I have mentioned this to him several times but he doesn't listen. But, thats not even the bigger issue. The bigger issue is if I tell him I need more help or I'm overwhelmed or I'm tired - I'm
Rotating 12hr shift? You mean during those 4 days he can be working nights or an ad-hoc mixture of nights and days, risking a back-to-back, 24-hr shift?
Nearly 50. Hmm. Well, a happy 50-year-old is more like a 40 years old, whereas a workwise unhappy one PLUS who might work physically harder than age-appropriate PLUS whose personal metabolism doesn't suit an ever-changing wake-sleep pattern PLUS whose wife is patently unhappy with him... well... you're seeing the result for yourself, aren't you.
Priorities: Pairbonding is not an accoutrement to the collective of every other facet of life. It's the raison d'etre. It means we hunt for food and eat and sleep IN ORDER to be fit enough to procreate and raise a family, not the other way around. Wife and family should come first and everything else second. ERGO, HE NEEDS TO CHANGE HIS JOB. But even making that request probably feels too risky at his age, meaning, he'll be feeling TRAPPED in a situation which makes him unhappy and you unhappy WITH HIM.
So he needs to ask for a better, more normal working hours structure. Is that impossible? Or is it just that this whole situation has left him feeling too down in the dumps and lethargic (and resentful) to assert himself in terms of asking his bosses to go to any trouble for him? Is he taking his woes out on you because you feel like the easier target as well as (emphasis on feel like) the one who WON'T turn round and fire him because of it?
Sleep mask. Are you saying he snores? And because he's overweight?
What was the rest of your final sentance going to be?