How to forget an abuser
I was in a relationship with a man for almost a year and a half now that I look back it was relationship from hell. It started on line he was very funny, good-looking and most of all he came across as a very sensitive and caring man . His Facebook was full of giving to the needy helping women to get better pay increasing the minimum wage you name it all the things that makes you believe that he is the kindest person I was so excited to meet him in person he was tall, handsome,funny,witty, had a boyish charm to him and appeared to be affectionate. we started dating he was calling, texting regularly after every time we were together he was telling me I was so much fun and he always looks forward to seeing me but he was distancing himself and due to the nature of his job he was an artist he doesn't have enough money for our dates and he was telling me he gets very little pay for his work he will be in the poor house if it wasn't the support he gets from variety of people I forgot to mention that he is 58 years old he also told me he owes eighty six thousand dollars child back support I was feeling so sorry for him I am a registered nurse with a good position in the hospital and six figure income so I started buying his art work, paying for the dates and even buying him new clothes he was very grateful and told me he doesn't deserve all this kindness. At one point he told me he can't see me like he is breaking up but he back peddled and said let's not see each other for 3 weeks but he was in contact with me the whole time. I was a nervous wreck,missing him, crying constantly which is out of my character. One day a friend of mine told me she has met this guy on line that he looks like a movie star and he is so funny it turned out that it was the same guy I was dating the artist I was furious called him and he was very matter of fact telling me he likes talking to women but he blocked my friend and told me he is not going to date her.I wanted to breakup with him so bad but I was paralyzed I was acting like a drug addict and he was my drug every time I was getting cold he will be charming and flirtatious. He told me last Feb that he is very busy and can't see me only twice a month I was fine with that meanwhile I am the one spending when we are together he was kind and affectionate. He was highly sexual high testosterone. Finally one day when we were together he was not able to perform he told me he is not feeling well and lets try next week,following week the same I asked him how many women are you seeing after lying few times he finally confessed that he has been with several women that they didn't worked out but now he has found this woman last month that he is very excited about then he started telling me about the sex he is having with her etc I thanked him for being honest for a change he still wanted to see me in two weeks but at that point I had it I text him and asked him if he has no feelings for me lets break up he said why you are rushing to the end. Before I see him in couple of days I called him and asked him the same question he apologized for his behavior but he called me two hours later and told me we should stop seeing each other but we can be friends but no more intimacy I can only take him out and can only kiss him the nerve of this man I didn't get mad just said goodbye and that was six months ago.
Well, no wonder!! "tall, handsome,funny,witty, had a boyish charm to him and appeared to be affectionate . . ."
You forgot: he's also a sociopath.
"I started buying his art work, paying for the dates and even buying him new clothes"
No wonder he wants to keep in contact with you! Sugar-Mama!
"he finally confessed that he has been with several women"
Hope you have had yourself tested.
"I didn't get mad just said goodbye and that was six months ago."
No wonder you are depressed! (Depression is anger turned inside out) Punch some pillows, go to the gym, take up running - wash that man right out of your hair.
Be glad that you are done dealing with him. Can you imagine the pain?
I'm not going to scold you for buying his paintings, clothes and for dates.
Because I kept waiting for you to say you bought him a new roof for his trailer, since the old one was leaking and everything would be ruined, including that person's dreams.
Because that's what I did about a year ago, after about a 3-month build-up by this female con artist, psychopath, who told me on the phone how much she loved me, but not before I told her first, after some hour-long conversations which included descriptions of her rough childhood, from which I was going to rescue her shattered psyche.
When she didn't return my calls after the new roof deal, it slowly dawned on me that I had been had. It also dawned on me that she had once told me that she owned a .38 caliber pistol, which began to take on new meaning, and canceled any plans to get my money back.
But I never bought a painting. I can always say that.
I later had an unusual chance to talk to her on the phone, and asked her what she spent my money on and she said she didn't know but made it clear that it wasn't on any stupid-ass roof that didn't leak in the first place.
So, you'll never be scolded by me for buying "priceless" paintings and high-value clothes for someone so decent he doesn't even bother to pay child support. People like that need help.
Here's a song by country singer Brenda Lee about that.
Johnny One Time
So he told you that you're the dream
That he's been searching for
And he told you, he's never met
Someone like you before
And I can hear him telling you
Your lips taste just like cherry wine
But did he tell you
That he's known as JOHNNY ONE TIME
Did he tell you that your heart
Would soon become another trinket
On his bracelet of broken hearts
Did he tell you that the morning sun
Would find you patching up your shattered pride
And searching for the missing parts
Did he tell you that the special love you're saving
Will disappear in flames
Shaped like mine
Did he tell you
That he's Know as
JOHNNY ONE TIME
Thanks SUSIEDQQ for your response it's interesting that you called him sociopath I don't like to label people but now that I am searching online more and more coming to realize that he did fit the sociopath personality.In my research online one out of 25 people are sociopath/psychopath I was lucky to find one.
Thanks PJVL9 for your response. I am sorry that you had the misfortune to meet one these evil dark souls. The song nailed it.