They are very patriotic and what I, and many others consider to be racist, terms are used on a regular basis which I struggle with.
We have had this discussion and apparently you can tell just by my facial expressions that I am unimpressed and it concerns him as I can ruin the atmosphere etc
For example, we have been invited to his friends this weekend for a Halloween get together, but he is worried that someone might upset me or say the wrong thing which is going to make him paranoid all evening and he won't be able to relax. (Just to be clear I have never actually said anything to anyone in these situations).
He himself is currently suffering with depression and anxiety and I know this is contributing to his worries, however this evenings conversation has lead to is now being in separate rooms and not speaking.
I have explained to him that I will not change how I feel and the reason why my facial expressions are probably so strong is that the language shocks me! I am not used to hearing words they use and I don't like it.
What makes it worse is his parents use the language too, but apparently, so he says, it's just a way of describing someone and is not meant in a racist way!
Any advice would be gratefully received.
And before anyone says I'm defending racism, I am not. But culture changes, whether it's 50 miles or 1000 miles. What happens in a city is backwards as hell in the country. The way country people talk would confuse the bejeezus out of the local city folk. Take someone from L.A. California, drop them into Kentucky for a week, sit back, and watch the fun!
Accepting your fiance means you will have to accept ALL of him, or not follow through. The question you have to ask yourself is, can you spend the rest of your married life tuning it out unless confrontation is ACTUALLY necessary? Can you learn to discern between actual racism, and local colloquialisms? It's harder for him to understand that you're confused than for him to change the way he speaks, or the entire town, for that matter. In this, it will be necessary for YOU to be the one who bends, or break it off.
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