Friendship with opposite sex
I had given my wife all the liberty to use facebook, whatsapp and other internet applications. She is not a regular user of these applications. One of her co worker(married with one kid) whom she had a bad remark, like he is always chatting with some other lady who is also married. She had a negative remark of this person. After few months this guy turn to be in her friend circle and occasionally she used to tell me details which sounds different from earlier comments and sound good about that guy.
Later he started to sent 'Hi', 'How r u' etc in Whatsapp and facebook and she used to show me and reply with my permission. I took this as a good friendship and did not noticed much about it. In recent one month somehow I started checking the messages. The messages were normal and nothing sounds different.
He got another job and maintained this friendship. What surprised me us in addition to messages in facebook or whatsapp, they communicate also in SMS but content is very decent. The count of communication has increased and now a days she dont tell or show his messages may be she might be thinking that I am convinced of their friendship.
My wife basically hesitate to send messages if I ask to send details of any things to buy from shop and also was very cautious of not wasting money by SMS. But now she replies to all his SMS and not bothered about cost.
Few days back I openely discussed this with her and she told you can check our messages any time and there is nothing of bad nature. Also she said since I dont like this she will stop sending messages. infact he used to send messages between night 9.30 to 11. Since I objected she messaged him in front of me that not to send messages as I dont like that.
what worrying me is whether this communication continues and if the messages are deleted I wont come to know.
So far both of them have not dealt in a wrong way. Reading above what do you feel whether this is a good relation or shall I put constraints on it. Also how will I bring back my wife from this relation though it is not crossed boundaries so far
Hi man, this type of thing can be tough (I know!). It could be that they're just friends and she gets uncomfortable when you want to look just in case you take offence or feel bad.
I think you're right to be wary, some guys try to weasel their way in with women like this and women don't see it, because we are guys we see what they're doing. However, if this is the case it sounds like you're fine because she obviously puts you first.
Thanks John for your valuable remarks
Dude, man up! You need to put an end to this thing before it goes any further. Your being abused and she is treating you like a door mat.
I'm in a relationship with a woman and we have two kids (ages 3 & 4). Before we met she had a long term relationship with a guy in Italy (15 years). When we became committed to each other, she agreed to close her social media accounts because she knew that it would interfere with our relationship. Every year or so, this guy reappears and makes contact with her. I won't tolerate it because I have self respect. I'm not afraid to lose this relationship. She needs to know that you are a confident guy, that you are secure with who you are and that you don't need her to be happy.
In the end, it's her choice. It sucks to be put through this, but you can not tolerate it. She won't respect you if you do. Seriously.
Well my opinion is if ur with someone their should be no reason for her to be communicating so much with another man. It's weird and I think ur maybe to nice and she knows she can walk on u so she is
Typical men! Look at the language you use permission, allow, liberty. Women are not property. If you trust her then it doesn't matter who she talks to. If you don't trust her then why are you in a relationship with someone you don't trust? If you have to watch ur partner then they are not worth having. It appears your partner is being very open with you.
Because, JENNA80, they know how other men operate. "All's fair in love and war". Certain types of men have 'stolen' other men's women, whether openly and unabashedly or furtively, since time immemorial. They slooowly-slowly sidle up, get the woman's trust, get her spilling all her personal information, 'reward' her for it by claiming to relate and reassuring her she can tell him ANYTHING, until suddenly she's disclosing all her deepest thoughts, needs, fears, etc. Regularly. Left myself vulnerable ---> He's made me feel safe again ---> Vulnerable ---> Safe again. It's meeting needs.
This is how you get a woman to fall in love via the head-shaped door first, knicker-shaped door second, as opposed to vice versa. She comes to NEED HIM AND RELY ON HIM EMOTIONALLY. He's *created* the need. (That make sense?)
And it's 'given her the liberty' in the context of the point of the relationship where you start warning each other what your respective deal-breakers would be. It means, at the point when we acknowledged we were in this for keeps and I (same as her) read out my list of no-nos, I generously and trustingly dinclude this one as a No Go area, ergo, 'gave' her every liberty to X.
Yes, a woman is the property of the man and he hers if you understand it to mean HEARTS-WISE (romantically-sexually) and in the context of NOBODY ELSE'S. If you're not in-love with and having sex with Tom, Dick and Harry but you are George, then you're "his". And especially when the man and woman have SAID to each other, 'I'm yours'. It's not necessarily chauvenism. If on the other hand a man said, 'And neither will I tolerate it if once we're married you keep seeing your female friends', THEN you're talking, man thinks woman is his chattel.
So it's not necessarily that whenever men feel insecure that must mean they don't trust their woman. They just know how vulnerable a woman can be, even against her own best will and intentions, under the 'sales job' of lots of clever and persistent wooing (drip-drip-drip).
Whether very slowly and surely, this woman is allowing another man to get into their wooing ring and compete with her husband. Never MIND what the wife's reasons for letting him is, I'm talking about what this married man thinks. Would YOU like it if you were out for a walk with your [scuse example] puppy and someone started coaxing the puppy to leave you and go to them (permanently) by holding out a juicy bone and schmoozing by going, 'HEERE, puppy-puppy!'?.
But here's the rub, GOLDFISHSK...
If she's hungry enough not to be capable of loyalty then you've been under-feeding her. Evidently. Because a cuckolder can be as attractive and "lovely and sweet" as he likes, but if the woman is well-fed she'll say, 'No, thanks (you snake), I'm stuffed already'.
HOWEVER, if a wife is feeling under-fed then it's her own duty as part of HER wifely remit to say, 'Houston, we have a problem: I need more food than this'. Plus, I REALLY don't like this comment of hers: "she had a bad remark, like he is always chatting with some other lady who is also married." because, given how starting to correspond with him has proven this resentment NOT about morals, it smacks of this: Why's he constantly sniffing around after HER, why not me? What - aren't I tempting enough? I'm WAY more gorgeous than she is!
Not that I dislike it for thinking it represents her feeling under-fed BY YOU (or to the extent where she'd wander). But clearly what you've got here is her not liking/resenting the female colleague he was sniffing around originally and so deciding to show her who's female boss by being capable of taking his eyes off of colleague and onto her ("I'm sexier than YOOU, Sharon, so stick THAT up yer pipe and smoke it!"). That, I think, is what you've got here: you and your feelings caught in the middle (with this cheating b*sstud the obvious cosh) between a constantly ongoing wrestling match between two female workers.... wifey whacking this unliked/envied female colleague over the head 'with' the office charmer (wolf).
But it's still dangerous if, in the process, he's there thinking she's genuinely interested and trying to woo and impress her. It might take.
It needs to be stopped, full-stop. Not because you say so, not because she wants to or - mission accomplished - now feels like it. But because in the context of your marriage and her feelings, she's arrogantly playing with sparks and equally arrogantly thinking she's in full control over whether they ignite or not and whether she can put them out.
WRONGGGGGG!...which is precisely HOW you hear all these married/taken women saying, 'I can't believe that when we first met, I HATED HIS GUTS...Couldn't STAND the basstud!....And NOW look at us!'.
Thanks SOULMATE for your valuable advice. I have already made some changes in myself to compensate what you mentioned 'Under-Fed'. I spares more time with her now. Also I openly discussed with her about intentions of a man in women relations. Studies say 80% men got romantic feeling to their female friends and only 20% relations are platonic. Thanks to all your advice now she has stopped all those nonsense (May be of sense for her) messages and gives more time for me. I am from India and my usage of Liberty just mentions I have an open mind in her friendly relations with others and not she is my slave. As a good couple she also got some right on my doings just to maintain the relation lifelong.
Well done for having gone as far as to do some research into it and - nicely saved, by the sounds of it! You obviously love your wife a great deal ("myyy husband loves me more than yooours, Sharon, mleugh!" LOL).
PS: That's 80% who had the b*lls to admit it.... leaving 19% who didn't.