Boyfriend feels he doesn't satisfy me
I'm in a very happy relationship with my now long distance boyfriend, we've been together over a year but moved away 4 months ago. Its all going fine, when we see each other (about once a month) he doesn't last as long in bed as when we lived close to each other. He still satisfies me and I'm very happy but he feels he isn't making me happy. I try to tell him how amazing it feels ect.. but he still gets down and worries i'll leave him or i'm unhappy. I don't know how to make him feel better, its not damaging our relationship I just don't like seeing him down.
Many guys will masturbate when they are away from their girlfriends to relive themselves. The problem with frequent masturbation is that it trains the body for an instant reward. Sex is a sport and any athlete who expects to become proficient will need to train for it properly. Do a little research and educate him. You depressive better; don't settle for less.
That's his problem and insecurity. If he's really feeling inadequate, tell him to prove to you how long he can last on round 2.
Or educate him on edging and send him some articles on it. He'll learn where is point-of-no-return is. Once you learn where that is, you can go on for infinitely long (but it requires self-control).
Sounds to me like he's creating for himself a Catch 22 situation, due to this change to long-distance in context of the amount of mileage you two have thus far clocked-up on the relationship calendar.
Men are veeeery territorial.
If you're long-distance, the man (certainly, the type he is) can't keep adequate enough control and checks over his prized (- now even more so!) 'territory'. He can't see or work out what you're constantly up to, whom with, etc., unlike when you live 'just down the road' from him...or rather, what COMPETITORS ON THE PROWL are constantly up to, in the context of you and YOUR 'out & about-ness' come 'sitting duck-ness'. That alone is enough to make him anxious about the ever-present possibility of losing you 'full-stop' or to someone else.
Despite the woman might *think* she's perfectly happy and wouldn't ever leave him because of it, and say so, the man who feels he's not keeping his woman satisfied in bed also worries that her sexual frustration level might one day, even against her own conscious will and intentions to the distinct contrary, leave her primed and susceptible, or positively subconsciously MUTINEERED, into accepting advances by another man...... bit like a hungry sleep-walker being drawn to the kitchen fridge and cupboards. ...That potential cuckolder (already equal to him in terms of money/status, looks, personality, etc.) - unlike your bf, now, being LOCAL (= love on-tap = one-up on him, your bf).
Thus primed into suffering performance anxiety in terms of his ability to LAST, the man then has trouble doing just that....and then worries about it even MORE, thus has even MORE trouble lasting the next time.... Vicious circle.
Yes, he's insecure. But not necessarily as his normal disposition, just as a situation- and stage-related state: Just past a year, means Serious. He has that much more hope and emotions invested in you, ergo that much more to LOSE (should the pair of you go Splat!), and plus, you've both probably just surpassed the point in the proceedings that feels like the point of no return (vulnerable to heartbreak "if" of a 'size' that would take a lot out of you both).
Sensing this paranoia, you say all the right things. But, he's not just prepared to take the risk of believing you mean what you say or are any authority over your basic animal and how IT feels and decides to do about getting 'fed'. Worse, out of nothing more than being very polite or fearful of upsetting him, you could just be trying to make him feel better (whilst in secret or pure ignorance not as happy about the situation as you claim).
Plus (ref Bambarola's suspicion), yes, there's the now-habitual instant gratification, self-training element quite possibly in the mix, exacerbating it.
What to do, what to do..., seeing as, you two being a team, his problems or your problems are now JOINT problems. The team has a wee but potentially hazardous problem.
I'd have thought the [scuse pun] solution is as R3D suggested: Start to see Round 1 as the 'throwaway' or 'starter' round, wherein he's been made to understand and agree to his having carte blanche when need be, to climax as quickly as he needs to (selfishness for the power of grater good), seeing ROUND 2 as the real event/main meal that you both make a longer, more romantic meal of.
Also, there are sex 'toys' available for helping a man to last longer... very simple, cheap and perfectly comfy ones. (Rather not say in case any minors might be watching; we've been getting them as young as 13 lately.) Try the net.
PS: Tell me - did his last ex cheat on him/did they break up around the 1 year mark, and was it you who had to do the moving away?
Sorry - BambOLERA!
("Dyslexics rule K.O.!", lol)