I can't help but feel insecure. What can I do to understand this better?
We've been together for 9 years. He is the father of my son and takes care of me. But lately, more and more he has been drawing away from me. Whenever we fight he goes straight to watching porn or signing up to meeting up for sex sites. When we've been intimate it seems he can't sleep with me without drinking. He has also admitted to me that he finds a couple of his college classmates attractive.
I admit I have lost a lot of my sexual appeal over the last year. Due to drug trials I lost most of my hair and wear a wig. I also gained 40 pounds from bed rest. It hurts too much to get out of bed and I have been making the effort more and more to exercise. But because of this he has lately been making remarks about my looks and even acted disgusted the last time we attempted to have sex. I practice great hygiene and try to look sexy for our dates. It really hurts to be betrayed and feel like I cannot trust him.
He has been attacking me and starting fights with me out of nowhere it seems due to his stress load. But I support him and try to help him with whatever he is going through.
As a result, I established a "break" from the relationship. Even though I fear that it will just allow him to do what he really wants to do. But I know I have to give him this time to figure out what he really wants and I can't keep hating myself. I am the only person he has ever slept with. The terms of the break are no alone time with each other, we can date and do whatever we want as if single. I didn't want to do this, but I feel like I have no choice considering. Nothing was going to get better. He couldn't even apologize for any of it. He would flip my feelings so it would be about him and me trying to make him out to be a "monster".
If anyone could shed some actual light on this it would be much appreciated. If the answer is to lose weight then I would appreciate a list of activities for someone with endometrial cancer as well as a diet plan. Thank you.
You could try going on a low carb diet. It is my understanding that most cancers will go into remission when carbs are removed from the diet. In any event, you will lose weight. 40 lbs is a lot. It will take some time.
This is really quite a difficult situation... On one side I truly believe that his behavior towards you is totally unacceptable - especially as you are going through such a tough time, he needs to be your rock if you love each other and the whole watching porn and signing up to sex sites is absolutely not on!That is in no way going to help your self esteem and will only make you feel insecure, that's not what being in a loving relationship should be like.
On the other side, it must be painful for him to see you going through this and he is clearly stressed, however he is dealing with it very poorly. Is there any way you feel like you could sit down and tell him how you feel in a way that is un-accussing so he won't get his guard up immediately?
You seem like a lovely person, especially seeing as you continue to want to support him as he is stressed, but you need to concentrate on your well-being and health first and foremost - and if he is effecting that, then being in this relationship may not be the best thing for you. You just really need to think about whether this emotional torment and feeling hurt all the time is worth it - you don't deserve to feel the way he is making you feel, you deserve much much more than that.
This marriage appears to be over. I would make it permanent and focus and taking care of you. Your weight issues can be dealt with, but first concentrate on seeking legal advice re: custody/child support issues. No more co-mingling funds.
This toxic relationship will in no way help you get better. Your health needs your full attention, focus on you.