Child custody options and opinions
I'm going to fighting for custody of my children soon and I will need to make an offer to the Court. I'm the father of two girls ages 3 and 4. Currently we are living in the Republic of Panama, but I intend to return to Florida soon. The girl's mother will stay in Panama.
I'm not expecting full custody, but had the idea that the girls could live with me during their summer break (3 months), which will give me plenty of time to spoil them rotten before returning them to their mother. It seems like a reasonable request, since it wouldn't disrupt their studies.
There are probably other possibilities that I haven't considered and I'd love to hear from others and receive the benefit of their experiences.
Yes, 3 months away from their mother is a problem, but 9 months away from their father seems alright be you. Joint custody in Panama is a non-starter, since I won't be living in Panama. How will I have the opportunity to spend time with them, if they can't come to Florida? I'm looking for ideas to save my relationship with my children. Please try to positive.
I've already answered someone else like this only a week ago.
In the new marriage with the new wife, his 3 kids were expected to live in her house with her 4 kids. One of his kids, the 5 year old, was trying to rip the curtains off the wall, and the stepmom complained.
I said, she is protesting being away from her mother.
I said, I think the father should take the kids to a movie or ride bikes in the park for a few hours on Saturday, but return them to their home for that night, and not pick them up on Sunday.
To force them to leave their home and their mother, for the children's benefit, is not for the kid's benefit. It is for the benefit of the other parent.
The kids did not decide for a divorce, so they don't have to leave their home or their mother.
When my wife and I were having trouble, I had heard on a TV talk show about letting the kids stay in the same house where they had been growing up.
Let the father stay in the house one week with the kids, then he moves out for a week, and then the mother lives in that same house with the kids for a week.
That way the kids don't have to be disrupted every 5 or 6 days, taken away from their mother, their house and their neighborhood. I suggested that to my wife, but, I wasn't going to leave when it came my week if she took me up on the offer.
I stayed in the house and marriage because 1. I didn't mess up, my wife did, so why should I leave a house I had been helping to pay for, and rent an apartment for 3 times as much as the mortgage, for an apartment that was half the size?
2. Why should our 3 year old kid have to be punished, by having his father leave the home, because my wife screwed up? He shouldn't.
3. Why should I be punished by having to leave my kid, when I didn't screw up, my wife did.
4. I didn't like my wife too much after learning that, but I did like my kid, so I wasn't going to leave him because I didn't like my wife too much.
5. I also didn't want to have to decide that I would get my kid on weekends, and have him leave his house and his mother and his room and his toys and his TV, so I could try to think of ways to entertain him by myself for 2 days every week, when it would be nothing but torture for both of us.
6. Laying on the floor in his room or the living room, while he and I played with toys was enjoyable and easy, for both of his, while his mother made cookies or cooked lunch in the kitchen. This double duty of taking care of the child made it much easier and enjoyable for everyone.
7. I wasn't walking out of there because she messed up. She made a great effort to make me wish I had, but I took that kind of hell rather than the other kind of hell of leaving my own house and my own kid.
8. So, it really doesn't make any difference what you do. It's still going to be hell, it's still all screwed up.
9. The only thing you can do is not screw it up for your kid. Work on that, to keep you busy. But don't mess up their lives any more than they've already been messed up.
10. You decided you wanted to move hundreds of miles away, not them. So since you've decided that, visit them once a month, for a few hours, and let then let them go back home and sleep in their own house.
11. By taking them away for 3 months, they won't even remember who their mother is. What did they do to deserve that? Nothing.
12. By your not seeing them for 9 months, they won't eve remember who you are.
That divorce is hell, isn't it. A couple who despises one another but stays in the same house for the sake of the kids is hell, also. Just don't argue in front of them. Keep it to yourself.
So, it doesn't matter what you do. But just don't make it hell for the kids, is my advice.