Ex and new bf struggle?
new boyfriend kept asking me out until I said yes even when I said I wasn't ready, he is moving super fast with this and the ex fiancé wants to try to work things out between us and ive definitely thought about it especially for our kids. The new boyfriend told his parents about us and told them im here to stay so his parents went and got stuff for my kids for their place, and made me meet them within the first 2 months then he went to his grandmas and grabbed tables and stuff for my new place when I said no. he insists on everything and idk how to say its too much because he don't listen and he has told his whole family. Any time I say anything of going to fast he buys stuff like food etc. I get mad at him for it and he says I will thank him later. I feel like he is trying to buy stuff to keep me around and that its a trap, and he has pretty much moved in with me. I have to wash his clothes, cook his food etc. and when I did his clothes I found a black and pink belly shirt in his dirty laundry, asked him about it and he said he didn't know then later on blames it on one of his buddies from work.i also have mouth surgery coming up and an mri for my one child and he insists on taking time off work after I say no, and I told him the dad wanted to come and take care of the kids while im out and of course come to her mri, and he said f that he isn't staying here. I feel guilty if I just end it because all the stuff he has put in my house
any advice would be great!
You need to stand up for yourself if you are not comfortable with this. Insist on a separation.
Be sure you aren't giving mixed messages.
This has RED FLAGS all over it. Get back in control of our home and your life. He's definitely buying his way in.
I think you know what you must do which is to end this "controlling by-way- of- material stuff before becoming his built in maid/cook/etc. I would end it before your mouth surgery. Did he say your EX can't stay at your home?
Put your big girl panties on and get BACK in control. Explain that you and the EX still have family issues to resolve and that you will need the time and space to do this.
Insist that he take all of his stuff when he leave, thank him of course, and give him his move out date. Don't be his materialistic fool.
The black/pink belly shirt is not his buddy from work (please).
Feeling guilty because of all the stuff he has put in your house is "the trap" he wanted you in. So why would you remain trapped?
yes he said my ex (kids dad) was not allowed to stay at my place, I mean I pay rent, bills etc not him. Every time I say that him and I need to figure stuff out he just goes on a page about how I have no feelings for him etc. He is out of town at work right now so idk how to tell him either and when he is back from work the ex wants to be here so he would be lucky to have a day to grab his stuff. So he would probably try to show up when the ex is here. He took a set of my spare keys, and ive asked him for them back a few times and he just laughs and walks away.
With the black and pink belly shirt I have no idea what to say to him about it anymore, then after he blamed it on his friends he waited about five mins and told me it was mine, after I said ive never seen it before he said he didn't know again.
I don't want to remain trapped but the stuff he put in my place that ive said no to, he said his grandma wanted to keep it in the family especially when she just found out she has cancer. Which makes me feel even worse cuz idk what to do with the stuff etc
I should also add in for my mouth surgery, he keeps talking about when he went in to get some teeth pulled at the same place im going to that when he woke up there was a GORGEOUS girl there. Like drop dead gorgeous, is what he says, and starts talking about I wonder if she will be there, or I wonder if she remembers me etc. Everytime he says this his eyes widen, and he don't even look at me, no matter if he is talking to me about it, his parents, or a friend... he went in over 5 months ago
This guy would drive me nuts. He seems pushy, manipulative, thinks woman can be bought with material stuff. If you are truly thinking about your EX coming back home, then please use this opportunity to get the space you need to consider what you want for you and your kids.
Count on him showing up when your Ex is there. He can't wait to show up giving your EX the impression that he'running things. Since he took your keys, I would change the locks and do whatever to control the situation (you're the one running things!) Can you pack his things and take them to his parents house. Let him know that you prefer he NOT to come by, since you don't want any confusion with your children or is it too soon for that?
Regarding the belly shirt- he comes up with "it's yours-"(so now you're so stupid you don't know what clothes you own) I would have kick his ass to the curb on that one -period end of story.
I think the belly shirt and his insensitive/rude comments about the GORGEOUS girl at the dentist office and hopes she remembers him after 5 months! this shows how insecure he really is.
If I were the type couldn't assert my own needs, terms and conditions on my own territory or dare to just change the locks the minute the coast was clear, I would drive HIM nuts. Deliberately. Until he couldn't WAIT to leave ("per-CHOO!" - cartoon dust). And then I'd make him wait for his clothes to be left out in bin-bags (along with gran's tables that she could no doubt sell for vital treatment-related cash), ...save for the belly shirt he clearly loves so much, of course. (Or maybe he could ask that dental nurse if he could wear her to work?)
Heh... reminds me of that famous anecdote where a woman once said to Winston Churchill, 'Sir, if I were your wife I would put poison in your cocoa', to which he replied, 'Madam, if you were my wife I'd drink it'.
BUT, Devoted, you can't keep trying to hedge your bets by trying to find ways in which to keep newbie happy enough to wait all warm on the side until possibly-possibly-not time to move back in or prepared to continue the relationship but from separate abodes (suffer a demotion) whilst you re-test-drive your ex. Clearly, 'nice enough and polite' leaves you too wide open, meaning, slamming your foot down hard and being fully prepared to lose him in the process might well be your only option. That or what makes him open his eyes a bit? Anyway, trying to spin TWO high-maintenance plates invariably tends to end up with nothing more than BOTH on the ground in smithereens. It's either/or, not least from a moral standpoint.
Furthermore, the devil you know is not preferable to the devil you don't (yet have all too quickly gained a good enough idea from which to extrapolate) when out there is the angel you've yet to meet. The ex is an ex presumably for a good reason and this rebound should be an ex for equally good reason. I would move on from both if I were you.
Or invite them both round for cocoa.
(Wot? It's still Halloween season, isn't it? LOL)