I can't live up to my parents expectations. What should I do?
I live in Silicon Valley, California (aka tech world) and my parents are super traditional first generation asians.
I feel like I can never live up to their expectations. Because they have pushed me in school I have gotten good grades however I realized in college that I don't want to go into health care like they want me to. After getting to know many older people as friends I know that if I continue to follow the path my parents want me to i will be die unhappy.
Also, they continually bring up a boyfriend. I am not allowed to have a boyfriend. Ever since middle school they have been on my case about it. They will say "its not god to have a boyfriend", question me if I went out to hang with a male friend, or being it up indirectly. It makes me feel stressed out and guilty for something I didn't even do. Even though I don't have a boyfriend (which is my choice) I feel like I am old enough (20 yrs) to decide whether or not I want to date or not.
"prepare your child for the road not the road for your child"
I feel like right now my parents do not want me to fail at all. But I feel like failure and know how to deal with failure is such an important part of life.
Something else I feel like I cant live up to them is my image. The typical asian parent and traditional asian culture wants girls to be super skinny. I am 5'5 and 125 lb. They keep saying I need to lose weight and exercise more. Before I used to over exercise and starve myself. I was 113 lb. I would starve myself, binge, and cry but I couldn't do it any more.
There are also other things but I will keep it at that. To sum it up, I feel frustrated, stressed, and I don't know what to do. ?? Please help.
Well this makes me sad your parents shouldn't be putting that much pressure on you. It could be quite damaging and as you have already identified. You need to sperate yourself from these very very damaging things or stand up for yourself and set some very clear boundaries about how they are to treat you. Reading this has made me so sad. As if we don't have enough pressure from society to look a certain way you don't need that from parents and ppl who are suposto love u. It sounds like there is alot of emotional abuse going on here.your an adult baby girl live ur life for u. Your beautiful just the way u are please don't listen to them it's wrong!! Don't worrie about weight just be you. It's not healthy for ur parents to be doing this. Feeling very angry about this. I grew up with a mother that was obssesed about weight it greatly effected me. Do what makes YOU happy and go to school for what YOU love not what others want you to be because in the end it will be you who has to live that life not them. Your an adult and can make your own decisions. I'm so sorry they are treating u this way. Keep ur head up and keep me updated on how ur doing with this. Stand up for yourself and start saying no this is not how I deserve to be treated. Demand respect. It sounds like ur smart enough to live on ur own so do it baby girl. Never let anyone treat u this way.