Can't socialise / talk to girls or make friends
For some strange reason, I lack what comes naturally to everyone else I see at the club who meets women and hooks up with them. The concept of a one-night-stand is completely foreign to me because I get to the club, get a couple drinks in me, and then have no fucking clue what to do. I went with an acquaintance last night, and just got so fucking frustrated by this, by not knowing how to talk to anyone (let alone girls), standing by myself dicking with my phone, and not dancing/talking and wondering how much of a looser/faggot this new acquaintance thinks of me as because I just don't know how the fuck to do things that are so fucking easy that everyone else has figured out how. I guess I didn't get the fucking memo. Also, every year for the past 4 years of my college life I have had lame fucking shut-in roommates assigned to me who don't do fucking anything, which does not help me at all with my problems. Seriously about this, is there some sort of social caste assignment here in America for people with no track record of a social life?
And don't think I am ugly or anything. I am tall and Scandinavian with an athletic build, and perfect teeth. I wear cologne and dress nicely. Also I tan. I have no speech impediment.
(also, I am pissed while writing this because I have had 3 hours of sleep and a hangover)
And last but not least, I can't make friends. I have no group of guys to go with. I have given up trying to talk to people because my failure rate for making friends is somewhere around 100%. Also I am seriously contemplating suicide because I just see no point in living if I can't even have sex.
Dude, chill, for your own sake. It's ok to be different. Look at more people than those in the club and those in your dorm room, because they don't speak for everyone else. I don't even think about one-night- stands because that goes against my values. Focus on something else besides a relationship. Work on ways to improve yourself, and then come back to it later. Life is what you make of it. If that means being a shut-in or not living like most, that's fine, as long as you are healthy and happy doing so. Since you are contemplating suicide, that is not happy or healthy. So, you need to find a way to talk about your problems. You can continue posting here or seek professional help. I think you should just be yourself as much as you can. Everyone is unique in some way. I responded to your post, so your ability to make friends isn't so bad.
P.S. Do you have a good sense of humor? I know you have a problem that is serious, but some of the things you said did make me chuckle, so maybe you can bring more of that out when you talk to people. (I'm a girl, and trust me, a sense of humor works wonders!) TILES
Why, yes I do, I have a sense of humor. He and my right hand keep me company on those lonely nights (not to be confused with every other night, in which I am also not having sex or and in a bed by myself). Also, get help and improve myself. Not entirely sure what that means.
Get help means counseling or some support from someone you know. Improving yourself means to focus on other things besides sex or a relationship. Do you have any career aspirations, personal goals, interests that you can pursue?
Well, I have been focusing on school. However, it's not really motivating. I feel like I am wasting my life. I just have no clue how to make any friends. Most of the time, I get to know people and at first they like me. Then they kinda cool off to me and then it's just no-call/fizzle-out. I have no clue what I am doing. I have been through a year of therapy, and was feeling great starting this semester. Now I feel like shit. I feel like my life, having always been this way, is going to continue being this way because it's too late. Like people just know now, they can tell, that I am an outcast. Seriously this pistol is looking good right about now. The only reason I am still alive is because I am saving up money to fix my brakes on my car. Then after that, I have to set my mind on another narrow minded, materialistic goal or else my "life" will lose it's "meaning". So basically I am trolling all sorts of help sites trying to find an answer, because for some stupid reason I keep holding out hope that I can change and that my life can stop sucking for just once.
1st, watch this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3NgzQ9Pcsg&feature=youtube_gdata_player
2nd, start to realise that you are not an 'outcast'. You might be different to lots of other people around you, but that doesn't mean that you haven't got a place in the world. Even murders, druggies and the like have friends, and people they count on in life. Therefore, you are probably paranoid about your situation, and giving off a vibe when you meet new people that maybe makes them uncomfortable, and not seem to want to warm to you. Show an interest in others, and they will show this in return, providing you have earned their trust, and don't over do it.
Making friends is not easy for everyone, and as TINY said, you may be giving off a negative vibe. It also may depend on who you are trying to make friends with. I think the fact that you are living has meaning. It may not be what you want it to be, but there is always tomorrow. You may have to start small if you want to turn your life around. For instance, you could wake up and make yourself laugh each day, or think about how your life could be better. Try to make friends with others again and make mental notes of what works and what doesn't. Since people usually like you in the beginning, you are obviously doing something right. Find out what your strengths are.
It can be really hard and scary to talk to people you don't know, but if you just open up and go in with good intentions then people will pick up on that. Also, getting practice by talking to people online is a great way to start. Go to different chat rooms and forums that focus on topics you're interested in, you can also try some online dating sites. Another suggestion is to join some clubs or volunteer organizations that involve something you enjoy (or even something you don't enjoy) just to get to know people. Good luck!
I don't know if you'll ever read this but fuck it... I can relate to you 100 percent man. The past 5 years i been fucking myself, literally and figuratively. There's nothing more frustrating than not being able to, well, be yourself. I used to have everything, friends, a social life, i was a great athlete, had a bright future and threw it all away. I've never had a girlfriend, been out on a couple dates but that's as far as it's ever gotten. Sex life is well, non existent and even when I've been in a situation where i could've gotten some action nothing came of it. It fucks with your head man.. I've hurt a lot of people, disappointed a lot of people, dealt with everything the wrong way and resent myself because of it. Like you said, i feel like an outcast and it amazes me I'm where i am today, life's a fucking trip. All i can tell you is get the help while you can. You're not alone my man. " My comfort zone is uncomfortable, trace it, it'll come from home. " - joe budden
First of all hello to all of you who writed here. I am a boy, 23 years old, and i used to have the same kind of problems listed above, and still have them from time to time.
What you have to do, is be yourself, act naturaly, and things will come thru. The more u try to solve this, the more u think about it, the more u belive it, the more it won`t help you. try this : in your colective, be happy all the time, talk sincere, and without any intentions, and you will see what things will change.
Try to be happy, even if you are not, repeat yourself, i am happy, and i want to share my happiness, and this might help.
I don`t have the exact words to explain this to you.... but i also felt it.... and is not strange.... some peoples are different... but that peoples are special....
There is hope in Jesus. He loves us an gives us life.He died on the cross for us,we just have to accept Jesus as our Savior,repent from our sins. He is Faithful an Just to forgive ALL our sins.CBN.com for more about Jesus.
Don't give up,Jesus didn't on us.
God Bless an save ya,ll in Jesus Mighty Name amen. Shalom
I'm a 30 year old black Hispanic I have alot of friends they are in my heart I take them every where. They hate me because I was wild I got into alot of fight I stole alot of peoples girlfriends.
Enter your reply here...well fellows, what more can I say... be yourself TULLY there's definitely a girl who's always looking at u somewhere but maybe u don't.knw dat,try walking into a bar have couple of shots looking around, believe men you will see d babe that likes your style, it's no big deal you jst gotta lay it out men your the one blowing everything nature dint cause nothing men believe try and stick with her you will go far... ah dunno if it sounded lame... goodluck!!
(For future reference, could some of you keep the Effs down, please, or better yet asterisk them? Thanks.)