How am I going to get through this?
I am a total failure. I quit my job last year to work overseas, i really hoped that it could work out and be a fresh start but it weren't. Now i am back in my hometown. i managed to get a job but is desperately unhappy there (plus it pays less than half what my previous job paid). My colleagues are trying to get rid of me by trying everything in their power to make life hell for me. I don't know what to do with jobs being so scarce these days. I have applied for so many jobs and a few interviews but cannot manage to get a better job. I have never excelled at anything in my life, i'm not attractive, i don't have money. Everything is a mess.
You're not a total failure. You just failed "an" attempt at something. A guess, at that! You'd never been overseas, how were YOU to know whether it would work out or not? Got a crystal ball, have we? So it wasn't even a calculated aim, was it. It was a long-shot potential. So basically, you shot an arrow in the pitch black and "only" managed to catch the outer part of the bullseye board.
Er... sorry - where's the failure again? Me, I'd say that was pretty good shooting myself!
So let's start again: I once almost succeeded at a long shot in god awful visual conditions...but that's in the past. My problem *now* is: my colleagues for some reason don't like me and are trying to make me constructively dismiss myself, given that I'm not fire-worthy material.
Happens all the time. Sadly.
How long have you worked there? Include your trial period.
(Sorry - 'never been overseas' meant, never lived and worked overseas nor at that same precise stretch in time)
Don't be so hard on yourself. There's no such thing as a failure. Things may not have worked out over seas but that's just because u weren't meant to be there or u would be. It sounds to me like u really have some self esteem and self worth issues going on here. Stop downing yourself and look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself "I am worth it and I'm amazing"!! As for the ppl at your work can u not make a complaint to someone who is above them? Because that's not right and it's harassment. I know jobs are scarce right now but maybe in the mean time u can just keep looking until u find something better. Try your best to just ignore their behavior and just do your job. You just keep staying positive and keep positive thoughts and good things will happen. Just believe it's going to get better I know it will. Things will start to fall into place. Keep ur head up love ok.
How long have you worked there? Include your trial period.
Thank you for your kind words, i have worked there for 8 months (3 months trial period). I am working at a doctor's office, we are only 3 administrative women working there and the 2 doctors. My colleagues dont like me because one of them wants to work full-time at reception (i am working at reception from 08:00 - 13:00 and she works from 13:00 - 16:30 - in the mornings she works at accounts). So the only other possible position there is the accounts but the woman working there is really rude and i tried to learn from her but find it impossible. to make things worse she is my neighbor!
Thank you so much for this advice AUNT KITTY, this answer gives me hope and reminds me that there are still good people out there. I will read that book thank you.
ACAS's definition of workplace bullying:
offensive, *intimidating*, *malicious* or insulting behaviour, an abuse or
*misuse of power through means that undermine*, humiliate, denigrate
or injure the recipient.
Ditto workplace harrassment:
unwanted conduct related to a relevant protected characteristic, which has
the purpose or effect of *violating an individual’s dignity* or *creating an
intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for that
That's you on both counts.
Behaviour that is considered bullying by one person may be considered
firm management by another. Most people will agree on extreme cases
of bullying and harassment but it is sometimes the ‘grey’ areas that cause
most problems. It is good practice for employers to give examples of what
is unacceptable behaviour in their organisation and this may include:
• spreading malicious rumours, or insulting someone (particularly on the
grounds of age, race, sex, disability, sexual orientation and religion or belief)
• copying memos that are critical about someone to others who
do not need to know
• ridiculing or demeaning someone – picking on them or setting
them up to fail
• exclusion or victimisation
• unfair treatment
• overbearing supervision or other misuse of power or position
• unwelcome sexual advances – touching, standing too close,
display of offensive materials, asking for sexual favours, making decisions
on the basis of sexual advances being accepted or rejected
• making threats or comments about job security without foundation
• deliberately undermining a competent worker by overloading and
• preventing individuals progressing by intentionally blocking promotion
or training opportunities.
You're a bona fide employee, being daily psychologically harassed (and stunted), on more than one count and by more than just the one colleague, purely and solely because the mere fact of your working there blocks this longer-term employee's personal aims, whereas, she should be 'taking it out on' whomever is responsible for personnel.
In just 4 more months you would be qualified by law to take tribunal action after having Constructively Dismissed yourself (walked out without notice yet, legally, without having forfeited notice and any overdue pay/perks). Your first step, however, is to ask for an appointment with your practise manager or HR executive and describe as best you can in detail this daily, under-the-table onslaught, because it's his/her responsibility to prevent bullying in the workplace or to deal with it if and when it occurs, whether or NOT it fits with the above standard definitions. Note that because not ONE close colleague is remaining impartial, this adds far greater weight to the psychological duress this whole climate exerts than were this 'just' a one-on-one situation.
If this meeting yields no improvement (although it obviously should), repeat your (now greater) complaint to this person or whomever is above them, in writing, making date and content reference to this first 'informal' meeting and quoting any assurances of timely remedial action that proved either false or given inappropriately low priority.
Or walk away (find another job). However, that won't teach you how to stand up for yourself, will it. This will. And - ref all the ways you ran yourself down in your opening post, you clearly need that massive self-esteem and future confidence boost.
Say it with me AND in Bugs Bunny's voice: "DIS MEANS WAW!".
You didn't start it, but you can 'finish' it as effectively as anyone else could.
Even tho u have to work closely with ur rude annoying co/worker in any job u get there is always going to be someone u don't get along with or someone that is just down right rude. Wake up eat some breakfast drink some coffee and just be in a good mood and smile and be kind to her anyways no matter how she is to you. Don't let one person ruin ur day. Keep happiness inside of u and smile. Its crazy how someone's inner light and smile can change other people's attitudes around us including our own. Stay positive and just do you and your job and then go home. If she wants to be a bitch let her but don't put so much thought into how she's treating you be happy love.
Oh and I forgot to tell u again. Your NOT a failure