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Overcoming resentment

I have an old friend of mine I met when I was in stationed in Bahrain while serving in the Navy. As I got to know her more and more over the year I spent there my feelings for her went from platonic to something more. I would casually throw what felt like harmless little flirting at her (calling her pet names, etc) and she never outright reciprocated but she didnt outright let it be known that she didn't approve of it either. She was going through a messy divorce situation back in the States at the time as well BUT I would hear her talk about other guys she said was "talking to" whenever we hung out with each other so it seemed like the divorce situation wasn't hurting her too much. After the last half of 2013 all the way up to July of 2014, this whole thing continued with me and her. In July 2014, she calls me and tells me that I should move on from her and that even in a perfect world where she wasn't going through her divorce, she doesn't think I would be a good fit for her due to me "not being confident". This really, really hurt as I opened up to her over the year plus that I spent hanging out with her and such to turn around and claim I'm not "confident" (whatever the hell that means). I felt like she used all the things we talked about together during the typical process of opening up to a friend against me in order to reject me when she could've just outright came out and said "hey, I'm going through a divorce and am not ready to date" instead of just sitting back and grinning like a jackass while not saying anything during all the play flirting and such. It's just not fair and is wrong in my opinion. She claims she said what she said in order to help me but when you say something hurtful to someone else its somewhat difficult to put yourself in their shoes. This had very real reprecussions as well, on both ends as I went into a deep depression that I needed high doses of antidepressants and talk therapy to try to get over. After confronting her about her comments during that time in July of 2014 she got upset with me and lead me to believe she was going to cut me out of her life completely which lead me to send her a text message leading her to believe I was going to commit suicide while just letting the phone ring while she tried to call back which lead to me being hospitalized during the weekend that the situation occurred. I never did anything to myself, it was my way of getting even with her and trying to get some kind of control over a situation I felt like I had no control over. Its something I'm still not proud of to this day. Fast forward to today, November 14th, 2015 and I still feel lingering resentment over the whole situation despite it happening over a year ago. My friendship with her went through ups and downs as a result of that situation but we have talked somewhat recently through messaging services via phone and everything is good on both of our ends. I have not brought any of my feelings up about this to her at all since around a month or so after that July of 2014 when I called her to ask her for an apology for what she said to me about the "confidence" thing. She is still in the Navy, in a deployable unit. I separated recently. Prior to all of this she ended up unfriending me and blocking me on Facebook due to being unhappy with me posting tasteless jokes and memes on my page and such. Over the last couple of months of this year I randomly went to her page and saw that she unblocked me but I did not and still havent to this day, friended her again. I see these happy selfies she posts and the pictures of her house she bought and it kind of eats at me how badly and coldly she treated me and is seemingly living so great. As far as I know right now, she is still single at the moment. Basically, am I wrong for still feeling the way I feel about this situation even though it was over a year ago? How do I get over it? I don't care what anyone says, its wrong to let someone open up to you, let them flirt with you and then all of a sudden throw them away like garbage by rejecting advances you did nothing to stop when they were happening in the first place by giving them some bullshit about them not being "confident" (as if it didn't take confidence for me to tell her how I felt about her in the first place). The resentment is eating away at me and I don't know what to do.

Overcoming resentment

I agree with you, it is wrong to lead someone on then reject them, especially for sensitive reasons lie "confidence". It seems to me you have self esteem problems, which is okay, most people do. But you need to talk about it to a professional and try to solve this problem. You need to explore your self. know who you truly are and what you want to be. this can help with self esteem In my opinion, if someone rejects you, you shouldnt think you have to get even with them. Let it go. And telling someone you are about to commit suicide is a sign of weakness and desperation. You should never do that. Always let it go and remember, every single person has gone through that. It doesnt have to pain or hurt you for that long. Sure i would be annoyed the first couple of hours, or maybe days. but i would definitely let it go. i might also ask myself, am i not pretty or good enough or whatever. but NO. never let it get to you.

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